Is this punishment?

I want to see you so much, I hope as much as you want to see me too. 

And though I search for you in my dreams you never come. 

I miss you so, so much.

And I wished everyday that I could dream of you,

and I guess Kami sama was kind..

I was allowed to meet you, although only twice.. 

The first to let me know that you were hungry. I just knew in that dream that you were telling me that you were hungry. 

And the second time, that you were waiting for me to come home. Even though you had others around you, but you were ignoring them and dolefully waiting. (or you were probably upset when mom and dad took out those luggage bags of theirs to pack for their trip here lol)

It's just a few more weeks baby, I'm sorry that you have to keep waiting, but I'm coming home soon ok? 

I'm coming home soon to you. 

-sunz- 

"He wouldn't want you to be like this."

"I'm sure he wants you to be happy."

How on earth would they know what you wanted??!

You could not speak in a language that they understand, and most of them had hardly spent any time with you. How would they know what you want??!

Even I who have been. By your side the longest wouldn't know what you want, what do you want me to do at this point? 

To stop crying?

To stop thinking too much?

I do know that in our 13 years together, that what you wanted then was lots of cuddles.

For us to always be together. 

To go for lots of walks. 

And that you missed me terribly every time I was away, as I missed you as well. 

That you would cry every time you heard my voice when I called home because you missed me. 

That you would wait by the door, looking out waiting for me to come home, because you missed me. 

That when ever you are in pain, i would be there to comfort you. 

What you wanted was for me to be there those last 2 weeks.

For me to cuddle you, calm you and tell you that it was all ok.

To be by your side during that last moments. 

And to continue being together with you. 

That's what you wanted.

And what do I want? 

I want to hold you again. 

I wanted to spend your last year with you

I wanted to care for you during those 2 weeks.

I wanted to be there when you went. 

And then I just get so angry, angry at you, angry at myself, angry at the world everything. 

Of all the years, why last year??!! Why when I wasn't there? We had so many years, why did it have to be last year!!!!!

-sunz-

I wish that you will never leave me.

No matter how unbearable,

I was to you, 

Or you to me. 

I can't live alone. 

I am weak. 

I am not as strong, 

As you think me to be. 

If you leave me, 

I will crumble and fall.

Into a million pieces. 

Shattered, 

Probably beyond repair. 

But it's envitable. 

There will come a day, 

Where we must leave. 

And I must learn,

Learn to go on. 

Even if I'm alone, 

So...

Before you go,

Write me a letter. 

Tell me it's ok. 

Tell me goodbye, 

But tell me also,

That you are not,

Leaving me behind. 

That you are just waiting, 

For me at the other end. 

Tell me that it's ok to go on. 

That I will be happy, 

Even without you. 

That my tears will soon dry. 

And my smile will return. 

That life must go on. 

Write me a letter. 

To let me hold on to you. 

For just a little bit longer. 

Till the day I can let go comes. 

Till the day I can go on by myself returns. 

-サヤカ-

It's a pity but my wish will never come true, no matter how hard I wished, no matter what I could give in exchange, but if wishes could come true, I would wish upon a thousand shooting stars just to be with you again.

********

When you left, the world ended, but at the same time it did not end. 

It was and still is difficult to continue without you. 

But as my downcast eyes which watched my tears fall to the ground looked up to the stars, I saw that the flowers had come. 

"Cry, Heart, but never break. Let your tears of grief and sadness help begin new life". 

-Glenn Ringtved- (translated from Danish into English by Robert Moulthrop)

-sunz-

Words have failed me.

My thoughts are disarrayed.

All I know is

That it hurts,

That I cannot breathe.

All I know is

That I want to cry.

I want to cry till the river runs dry.

I want to cry till day turns to dusk.

Till I grow blind,

Till my voice goes husk and disappears.

Will this pain then elevate?

Even a little?

It hurts.

It hurts.

If it hurts to see me cry,

Then it’s simple,

Don’t look.

If it hurts to hear me cry,

Then its simple,

Don’t listen.

If it hurts for you to stay away,

It’s fine,

I will do it for you.

I want to be left alone,

I need to be left alone,

Yet when I call,

I want you to drop everything and come running.

I don’t need you to say anything.

Don’t tell me everything is ok.

Because it’s not ok.

Don’t tell me you understand.

Because you don’t understand.

Don’t tell me to get over it.

Because I may never get over it,

And I don’t want to get over it.

Don’t talk.

Just sit beside me.

Silence is the best.

If I want to talk,

I will talk.

If I want to be silent,

Let me be silent.

Yes, I’m being selfish.

But can’t I be selfish?

Just this once?

Just this once in my life,

When I’ve lost something so precious?

Something that can never come back to me?

Something that I’ve loved so much,

For at least half my life.

Something that helped make my heart whole.

And yet,

How cruelly,

Extremely cruelly,

Was I denied the chance:

The chance to be by his side,

Not even to comfort him,

To tell him it’s okay now,

To tell him ‘You did well’

To tell him ‘That it’s ok now’

Not even for a final send off,

Not even to say goodbye,

Not even to touch him one last time,

Not even to keep a promise made years ago.

I left a little warm body,

A little waggly tail,

Sad eyes telling me not to go,

‘Stay with me’ He said.

How dearly I wanted to stay with you,

How dearly I so wanted to bring you with me,

At least to the airport that one final time,

I wanted to cuddle you more,

I wanted to spend more time with you.

Who would have known that would be the last time,

The last time I saw those soulful eyes,

The last time I touched that little warm body,

The last time I could kiss that little forehead,

The last time I could inhale his unique scent.

And come home to nothingness,

No excited cries of happiness,

No waggly tail,

No squirming excited little body.

No warmth of that little body,

All that was left was

Tears and heartache.

Ashes and dust.

Retuning home to everything boxed up.

Was probably a mistake I shouldn’t have made.

In thinking about the pain of others,

I said go ahead and box it up.

It may have helped with the pain for others,

But in the end,

It seems that mine became worse.

Your presence all erased,

As if you were never there before.

As if this 13 years never happened.

My eyes searched,

But it searched in vain.

Searched of traces for you.

But I’m left with nothingness.

The corner where your treats was,

Gone.

The corner where your water and food bowl was,

Gone.

The corner where your bed and towel was,

Gone.

Your pillow by my bed.

Gone.

Your toys scattered on the floor.

Gone.

All that’s left is

Just cold metal and dust.

And just as how you fit snugly,

Right into the palm of my hand

When you came into this world.

What you left behind does the same.

And it hurts.

It hurts.

It hurts so much.

I understand the power of grief oh so well now,

Why one is advised not to make drastic decisions.

Your thoughts just go crazy,

It goes round in a never-ending merry go around,

Filled with the ‘what ifs,’

Your feelings are numb,

And it’s so easy to discard things now.

Everything can be discarded now.

They are unneeded.

There is no more need for sentiments.

You think back to the people around you.

Whether they have been there for you.

What have they done for you in the past.

What have they done for you now?

Some have done a little.

It’s not enough.

Some have done nothing

They have done nothing.

Some are doing too much,

That it’s suffocating.

And you think crazy things like severing ties.

Like making sure everyone blames them if something happens.

Like throwing away everything.

The papers, the books, the clothes, anything you can reach.

Like running away to the ends of the earth.

Never coming back.

To leave everything and everyone behind.

Then your rationality comes back,

And you think it’s crazy.

But after a while,

When every thing builds up again,

The cycle repeats itself,

Just as how the horses on the merry go round,

Goes round and round in a never-ending circle,

So does your crazy thoughts.

And you just think,

And you just wait,

In the end,

All you are trying to do is,

Anticipate a trigger

One that will let you go,

Let you go as crazy as you want.

And your rational mind,

Hopes beyond hope,

That there is someone who can stop you,

If that time ever comes.

And now, tonight,

May my tears accompany you,

As it has done so,

Night after night

Since you left this cruel world.


-sunz-

Everyday for 6 months you shed tears as you heard my voice... Maybe it's inevitable now that though it's been almost 4 months I still shed tears almost everyday thinking of you.

Missing you...

-sunz-

It's Chinese New Year, and it's the first one without you.

I had always spent Chinese New Year with family, even when I was in London, so to a certain extent I didn't mind not spending it with family to see how it feels. You know? Just it like any other day in Japan. I'm sure that was how it would have went. 

But...

When I booked my tickets home for February, I thought of you. Of how I wanted to spend time with you and Chinese New Year was the perfect excuse. 

So home I came. 

I came home to you.

It was tough holding back my tears on the flight back, I teared numerous times. 

On a budget airplane with no distractions I turned to my iPad for some much needed distraction. 

In the car, stuck in a 2 hour jam from the airport to home, I tried to hold my tears in. The whole family was being as supportive as they can, coming to the airport to pick me up. 

I knew that I'd cry when I got home, but I guess I over estimated myself, and I have never cried that miserably since the day you left. It was like I could do nothing but just cry. 

I have never felt lonlier than that in my life. 

And it's scary now, so very scary... how normal everyone is, how they are going on as if you never existed in the first place, and it's scary at how hard I'm trying to fit in to match them. 

How I try hard not to cry, how I try hard to laugh because it's a festive season and I that I shouldn't be all gloomy. 

It's just so scary to be home, and see how things have moved on without you. 

I don't know, but every one else may have moved on since they have been here all these while, or like others who only saw you at family get togethers and played with you only briefly then. 

But for me, it was as if it happened yesterday or two days ago. Probably being in Japan froze things a little for me, and I can't keep up with the rest. 

Probably it's because I was the one that you always followed around...

Probably because I was the one that would hold you when all those noisy fireworks went off...

Probably because I was the one that would be busy taking care of you all these while, that without you now, I don't know what to do...

So, I immerse myself in my games, I try to laugh, try not to think...

I'm still missing you terribly but trying really very, very hard not to cry so as not to ruin Chinese New Year for everyone else. But it's tough. It still hurts so much baby. 

Wishing you were here. 

-sunz-

Looking back at my current pictures, this past 3 months, I've cried so much that you can see something like eye bags.

I feel so tired,  I feel so lonely.

Tired of trying to keep my body strong - trying not to fall sick, because it will be very troublesome here if I do fall sick.

Tired of trying to stay strong.

I miss you, I want you.

Somebody help me?

First week back….

Warning: huge crap-ology ahead… do not read if what you lack is time… or interest.. it’s okay I understand.. Still love you all the same… haha

It’s been a while since I wrote anything in English, and well something this lengthy haha… nothing much to blog about (in English as of late besides random ramblings in Japanese… causing me to lose readers, since only one fella.. I think, can read Japanese, and I think he couldn’t be arsed since my grammar is horrendous hahaha)

Oh well, life goes on…. As it must and will, whether you like it or not, it will not, and cannot wait for you…. The same goes for my muse… another reason why I haven’t been blogging lately…? No muse? haha… although by default, I don’t think I really need one…. I need a better internet connection at home (pages aren’t loading..sobs), time and… Ermm.. But that’s another story…

So my first week back at work has finally ended.. With…. More to come… that being beside the point, I guess… haha, since I’ve already worked at this same firm during my chambering time, the familiarity is there, and there wasn’t much adjusting in to do. Since I’ve already known and worked with the people that I’m working with now when I was chambering there, during half of my chambering duration. (Spent first half in corporate, next in litigation)

What can I say... going back to work, after 2 months of not - so - active brain usage…. Hmmm~ well.. Going through documents now… is a bit of a pain on the eyes.. Literally… I don’t know if it’s my astigmatism or something…. (Guess I’ve to go back to printing them out to view rather than stare at the computer, or risk going blind =.=’ or make a new pair of spectacles, that hopefully doesn’t increase my headache..) But oh well….

Ermm, work wise… well corporate is corporate.. To be honest I find it a tad harder than litigation, (learning wise) in terms of understanding and documentation, because well, stuff in litigation, we basically covered in CLP, (not everything, but at least we had a basics of sorts to start with) but corporate… well, let’s just say… university didn’t really equip us for it..

But in a sense, that’s cool, it makes it a challenge, cause you have to learn everything from the ground up…. (Searches really hard for her brain haha) not to say litigation isn’t cool… haha.. I already miss going to court…. (ermm only that particular court though… haha… I miss my dockbrief days.. days where I had to run between court rooms to enter judgements... sigh, those were the days my friend…we thought they’d never end… la la la la…)

Either than that, learning is learning.. And I believe I will get a hang of it sooner or later.. I managed it before; I believe I can do it again… what’s life without a few challenges? Need to un-blur myself haha…

Oh, and also… in the office I’ve to remind myself.. I AM NOT USING A MAC!! And at home… I AM NOT USING WINDOWS!! ….. Makes me feel kinda crap sometimes… sigh..

What other difficulties I’ve been encountering?? Hmmm well, waking up in the morning, and trying to get the brain to function at that time, is another challenge… a real huge one, might I add haha..

I’m a nocturnal creature, forced to live under the glare of the shining star….

Although, after last night… I take that back.. This so-called nocturnal creature has sort of adapted to living under the shining star, that sleeping at 5am last night, was a huge torture to me..

Why?? Cause my body kept trying to wake up around 7-8 am… and I had to force it back to sleep, only to have it wake up again round 9 something and then 10 something…. Till finally my friend called me at about a quarter to 12.. I gave up… but damn… The mind and the body… cooperate!!!

You know you got home late, you know you slept late… stop trying to get up early.. It’s a freaking Saturday for crying out loud… gosh!!

Oh which reminds me speaking of Saturday.. Happy Deepavali to all my friends! Especially Shanie *hugs* you need that! ☺

Right, another thing, adjusting my sleeping hours was also quite difficult due to some miraculous jet lag I experienced…

I just don’t understand why… when we go over to Europe, we don’t experience jet lag, we can adjust to the time there so nicely, but when we come back home.. by golly, I don’t get why the jet lag is so bad…

In all my years of travel, I’ve never, and I repeat, never experienced jet lag this bad…

Err, why jet lag? Well, since no one in particular has been wondering about my disappearance…. It’s cause I was on holiday in Italy and Greece, a week before I started work…

Ooh yeah… living the high life, as some friends had teased haha.. But anyway yes, was in Europe, took almost 30 hours to get back from there to home.. Door to door, I mean.. With all the transits… =.=’ cause we had to fly from Athens to Milan, from Milan to Bangkok, and Bangkok to home…

One whole day of airplane food… managed to cause me to lose all the weight I picked back up in Italy and Greece, and my appetite as well, which hasn’t been well since I fell ill and stayed ill a few months back.. (Still not fully recovered actually… sigh..)

So yes, stuck in airplanes and airports for more than 24 hours, having nothing but airplane meals took their toll on me, and when I touched down, I had to immediately make arrangements to meet a friend who would be marrying the next day, and we had to go over the wedding plans, since he kindly requested that I co-emcee his wedding XD (Thanks Ray & Ivy, for that opportunity and Shane for the books..)

Anyway, slept a measly 2 hours or so, woke up feeling like the whole body was made of lead… forced myself to get ready, headed over to the groom’s place… discussion with the other wedding planners.. bla bla… home to bed, woke up early for cousin’s wedding… on the 3rd of October, it ended in the afternoon, rushed home, got ready in under an hour for the next wedding… (Ray’s wedding).. Rushed there, went through stuff with co-emcee, and everything went from there..

After the wedding dinner at about 11 something, headed to Mel’s house for a Mooncake festival gathering kinda thingie.. Stayed till round 2 something before heading home, and finally.. Rest…

Rest of the week was adjusting my time back to wake up in the morning… and then work started… such is life… when things get hectic, they are hectic… but it was cool… loved it all.. Tiring and torturous as it was..

Now the goal is... to gain back some weight apparently, although I don’t mind the weight I have now, but if I lose anymore.. I was told by a friend that it would be the death of me.. He’s not cussing me, don’t get me wrong, it’s true anyway… so yes, no more losing weight for me.. It’s either maintain it as it is... or gain 2-3 kgs… and maintaining it at that…

First, I need to find my appetite again.. Which seems to be cured by not so spicy food, which again, my stomach seems incapable of taking after not taking it for so long.. haha… I should really lay off my C2-O5-OH haha

Only good news for the time being is… my appetite seems to be returning a bit, but it’s not what it used to be.. Due to the stomach ailment.. so one step at a time.. That’s what I do with everything now a days…

-Oracl3-

P/s: oh, by the way, did I ever mention that my first day back to work started out bloody?? How’s that for a first day back to work… =.=’
あれはねロスコちゃんの血いです。たく始めて見てだよ、びくりした。。。ベビのうしろう「backside?」はきずがある。。。大変な，私のベビ。。。

Stupid Maxis, stupid internet connection.. sigh…this is a Mac.. not windows.. damn the short cut keys…

More random pictures as I try to make use of the good connection to upload pictures..

So as they say.. the cliché, a picture says a thousand words.. so here they are.. all the posts I missed out cause I was busy... And the connection was crap...

This was my dad's birthday on December 2008

Uncle's birthday.. 2008... ermm forgot what month... November maybe??

Mom's Birthday on November 2008
A bottle of Asahi (Japanese Beer) by her side... haha..

Ermm.. November 2008 As well I guess.. or was it December... A very small G1 gathering at Yuen's Sunway.. I think I mentioned it before in one of the posts.. but here's the picture...

Just look at this fella, really and literally sitting down and eating.. 可愛い XD

He really is sitting you know.... :)

Went for the MPO on 20th December 2008, I think, Cause it was the winter festival, so I think it was about there.. anyway, we went cause they were playing the Lord of the Rings.. it was really superb.. and Des was a doll, and sent us back to PJ, since the last train had already stopped..

And Oh due to this screen they had, I had to crank my neck to see this sort of slideshow during the performance.. causing a neckpain... haha I recall that throughout the performance.. at some parts.. I just had to let my head drop and stare at my lap/hands/whatever, to ease my neck haha.. set too front I think.. but it was hard to get tickets...

-Oracl3-

Well yeah, sorry I'm backdating the last few posts, but I wanted the flower post to be at the top.. haha..

Edited.. sorry about me looping into the future.. and the spelling mistakes, and ermm.. I missed out about ranting about the cockroaches at Williams.. and ermm... yeah... I think that's it haha..

Somehow I've got 4 papers cuts on 3 different fingers on my right hand, how, what, when, why? I've no idea.. but one of them hurts real bad... realised it once I was done cooking dinner...

Absence from cyber world and blogging is due to Korean drama, and reality.. i.e. real life..

Been out quite a bit this week... that's why, as I've said.. it's never balanced.. it's either go out one shot, or stay home and rot...

So yeah..
Friday, 10th October 2008, drove.. yes I drove.. to SS2 and seapark to buy somethings.. helped with dinner and some house chores, and it was badminton.. Didn't play that much this round.. was too tired..

Saturday 11th October 2008....
In the afternoon it was to Itallinies at Midvalley to celebrate Chelle's birthday.. Had a nice time catching up, chatting randomly about dogs.. and stuffing myself silly with pasta :p Happy birthday Chelle (well, whether it's early or late now haha)

We had James, Mel, Me, Jin Fong, Vivian, Chelle and Xian Ai. We had Abby earlier on, but she left for class, it being a Saturday and all. And well, Maryln dropped by with Chelle's prezzie.

At night was the MPO: Beethoven's Overture Egmont, Mendelssohn's concerto for 2 pianos and Brahms Symphony No. 1 in C minor (Op. 68)

All popular pieces, and it was really nice..

People that went, were, me, Xian Ai, Xin Yin, Thomas, Wei Hao & Kevin..

Went to yum cha at Williams after that with Thomas And Kevin.. It was nice sitting down and chatting about our class last time haha

Oh I forgot to mention. Someone let go something like a firework and OMG, COCKROACHES STARTED CRAWLING OUT OF THE DRAINS.. EEEEWWWW horrible.. and disgusting... the girls in the table next to us left.. but the guys were okay with it.. =.=' so yeah.. we stayed...

Came home really tired.. but still.. didn't sleep early.. haha...

Sunday 12th October 2008, Watched my Korean drama? Don't think I went out till at night, to Mel's church for a theatre.. sketches more like it, called "This crazy thing called love" by the footstools, KLPAC. Was really nice, and meaningful.. and might I add TRUE!!.. Thanks for inviting mel.. it was nice... though I must admit.. due to my tiredness I almost fell asleep at some point.. but I was awake for everything... I mean well.. at least I heard the whole performance haha..

Had a not very good night's sleep.. no thanks to the annoying fleas that resulted from my neighbour.. as precious sleeps in my room, he must have brought some with him up to my room.. and though he hasn't been sleeping on the bed since he has had his fleas.. they crawled onto my bed, and bit me!! sad.. spent a paranoid night.. and I caught 4 of them.. on my bed.. nuisance.. this fleas... neighbour down the road.. has also complained about the fleas.. sigh....

Monday... 13th October 2008.. what did I do... hmmm... sprayed my room, to kill whatever fleas was abound.. ahh lazed around and attended my high school's alumni meeting at night.. was feeding mosquitoes at Ming Tien.. =.=' According to one of the alumni members, who experienced the same flea problem thing.. it took her a month to get rid of all the fleas.. woe is me.. her house is a single storey.. mine is double storey, does that mean I will have to take double the amount??

But after spraying my room.. the constant flea check that precious has been put under came out negative for once.. so the spraying worked? Had a good night's sleep...

14th October 2008, i.e. today.. Went down to KLCC to collect my offer letter.. met up with Mel, Chi ming, Terence, and Joshua for lunch and went to watch a movie called... house bunny?

not a bad show.. shall review it on Critically Acclaimed later when I'm free...

After the movie, we headed back.. and Mel and I headed to Taylor's to waste one hour of our life on this Q&A thingie.. waste of time and petrol.. geh...

and that's all for the updates the past few days...

Oh and the retarded thing has been completed, within 7 hours, though it was spaced out... but I know how many hours cause of the episodes of my korean drama that I watched as I made it.. and apparently it doesn't look that retarded.. but cute.. I guess.. but oh well we will see.. *stay tuned to find out more*

-Oracl3-

The reason(s) for my procrastination??

Well, it's a mystery.. but lately.. I've been watching a Korean drama titled Song of a Prince/ Seo Dong Yo with my mum... [it's like some Korean version of Romeo & Juliet.. it has 56 episodes.. so don't mind the long absence...] And with MSN being such a pain in the ass.. heavy thunderstorms threatening my modem.. Trying to sleep early and wake up early.. Hence, the lack of appearance in the cyber world.. Well, not like anyone is really looking for me =.='
Besides, if they really need me I'm a phone call away.... So no sweat...

Ended up cooking dinner for the past 2 days with my mum... How did that come about?? Not that I really mind.. A chance to mess around in the kitchen before I start work?? :p

Went to KLCC to get my tickets for the MPO this Saturday with "Grandson" Thomas.. Badminton game tomorrow? :p

Points of interest

• I may like the rain, but I despise the mosquitoes that come with it!!
• The flea collar we got for precious is redundant, it doesn't do its job. Precious still gets fleas on him.. no thanks to the neighbour's dogs next door?
• One of my neighbour dogs.. dubbed Spotty seems to have gone MIA.. wonder what happened to the dear old thing..
• Lately, I don't know why, but I've been in a mood to watch movies... and videos.. hmm~ revelling in my final days of freedom?
  

Before I sign off, a list for myself.. to remind myself of the list of things I ought to do and to STOP procrastinating!!

1. Sort pictures from 2006-2007 for developing
2. Finish photo album with current pictures (Where the heck did I put the pictures??! Damn!)
   
3. Translate the Ghost Hunt Manga Volume 10
   
4. Wash bathroom
   
5. tidy room... (Well only one corner is messy....)
   
6. Iron clothes....
7. Tidy up cupboard...
   
8. Practise musical instruments?
9. Blog about my excursions etc.? Well, when I find the mood.. and time...
10. Tidy up the "Work" room next door.. well after I'm done with it..
    
11. ... Anything else I deem fit to enter into this entry.....

-Oracl3-

Edited 10th October 2008, 0053

"In the beginning after God had created Man, seeing him so feeble, He gave Man the dog" -Alphonse Toussenel, Zoologist-

(And thank God for that!!)

犬はあなたを愛してる．だって犬には、あなたしかいないのだから。
-The dog loves you. That's because it only has you-

Title: いぬとわたしのじゅうのやくそく: 10 Promises to my dog

I was watching this movie the other day [It's a March 2008 release..], and never have I cried so hard for a movie, since watching Wind struck.. (Maybe even harder).. But well, dog owners who love their dogs to bits would be able to connect to the show.. but steer clear, if dogs don't appeal to you, or if you don't fancy bawling your eyes out..

On another note.. the title of the movie was inspired by the book, 10 Commandments to dog ownership. And the 10 promises in the movie was really touching.. so here it is...

犬と私の10の約束

• 一．私の話「はなし」を我慢[がまん]強「つよ」く聞「き」いて下さいね。
• -Please listen to me patiently-

• 二．私を信「しん」じて、私はいつもあなたの味方「みかた」です。
• -Trust me, I'm always on your side-

• 三．私とたくさん遊「あそ」んで。
• -Play with me a lot-

• 四．私にも心「こころ」があることを、忘「わす」れないで。
• -Don't ever forget that I've feelings too-

• 五．ケンカはやめようね、本気「ほんき」になったら私が勝「か」っちゃうよ！
• -Let's never fight, you never know, I might win when I'm serious!-

• 六．言「い」う事「こと」を聞「き」かない時「とき」は、理由「りゆう」があります。
• -If I don't listen to you, I have my reasons-

• 七．あなたは学校「がっこう」もあるし、友達「ともだち」もいるよね、でも私にはあなたしかいません。
• -You have your school and friends, but as for me, I only have you-

• 八．私が年「とし」をとっても仲良「なかよ」くして下さい。
• -Please stay my best friend even when I'm old-

• 九。私は十年「じゅうねん」くらいしか生「い」きられません、だから，一緒「いっしょ」にいる時間「じかん」を大切「たいせつ」にしようね。
• -I can only live for about ten years, so let's treasure every moment together-

最後「さいご」の約束は．．．

• 十．あなたとすごした時間「じかん」を忘「わす」れません。私が死「し」ぬ時「とき」お願「ねが」いします、そばにいてね。
• -Never forget our time together. So when my time comes, please be by my side-

*****
I found this off the net, it's a bit different, I guess that maybe it's because it's from the novel.. maybe..

There's one with translations, but it's not very accurate... in fact the translation sucks.. but I'm too lazy now to do it.. since I need to sleep, me being really tired.. maybe later I'll edit this post, and correct some of the translations..

Edit: Okay, here are the translations for the ones that are different from the ones I got from the movie.. Unless stated otherwise.. I find the translations totally off.. Just compare it yourself...

1.私と気長「きなが」につきあって下さい
-Please have patience when you are with me-

2. 私を信じて下さい。それだけで私は幸せです。
-Please trust in me, that is my only happiness..-

3 & 4 is the same, and the translation for 4 is totally out, mine [above] is better.

5. 私にたくさん話しかけて下さい。人間の言葉「ことば」は話せないけど、わかったいます。
-Please talk a lot to me. I may not speak the Human language, but I do understand it-

6. 私をたたかないで。本気になったら私のほうが強いことを忘れない下さい。
-Don't fight with me. Please don't forget that when I'm serious I'm much stronger than you-
(Same as above, but the wording in Japanese is different)

7. Is the same, I think.. I don't know what's that kanji after 年..

8. Is worded differently in Japanese, [slightly compared to the movie version] but it means the same.. and no.. there is no "entertainment & work" it just says, school and friends... =.=' though yes.. entertainment and work.. may be used.. where it applies...

9. 私は十年くらいしか生きられません．だから，できるだけ私と一緒にいてください。
-I can only live for about 10 years. So if it's possible, please stay by my side, always.-

10. 私が死ぬ時、お願いです。そばにいて下さい。そして、どうか覚「おぼ」えていて下さい。私がずっとあなたを愛していたことを。
-When my time comes, please be by my side. And somehow, please remember that I'll always love you-

Anyway I'll try to keep this ten promises to my precious as well :) And lucky for me, toy breeds, live for about 15 to 17 years.. So, cheers to a long life of companionship with me to precious!!

-Oracl3-

Okay, the title does have some relevance, which will be said later. As for now.. A little update..

二零零八年十月三日:金曜日

• あの人の誕生日、たっく、どうして彼はまで忘れないだ？！
• Woke up, and for once... in months? :p Did some house chores... Hand washed some of my new working clothes, did the laundry changed the bed sheets etc.. And being the genius I miraculiously am... Somehow, stretched my left thigh muscle... Slight pain.. =.='
  
• Went for my second badminton game today, again, it was from 9-11pm at Puay Chai. Cheese had gone for a holiday so he didn't join us, but grandson Thomas did. We had 9 people today, i.e me, Xian Ai, Xin Yin, Mel, Xian Qing, Kevin, Wei Hao, Thomas, & Wai Mun, so I think it was good that it's the holidays and the courts were quite free..
  We paid for one court but used two haha.. It was fun, but I got trashed being the noob that I was.. I and a few others were terribly bullied, as the game started to move to a higher level.. But fun nevertheless.. Got praised that my badminton improved from last week (^.^) and well hope to improve more from now on. Good news is... I only had some slight muscle pains.. Mostly due to aforementioned thigh..
  
• After badminton, went for yum cha at the so called, open air mamak at SS2. I managed to find a comrade who doesn't think that it's a mamak too.. haha.. Wei Hao was on the same wave length...
• Sat and chatted for a bit, and although I had followed Xian Ai to the badminton court, I followed Wei Hao home as I had to show him where the mamak was, and since my stuff was in his car, so he sent me home.
• The journey home was interesting, as he made a deviation.... The last time he sent me home as well.. We made a slight detour at the playground near my area.. but this round.. ahh.. It was amusing... haha.. we detoured at SS2... and us both being lost souls... joker.. makan angin really...
• Got home, showered and everything and went to bed by 2 something..

二零零八年十月四日：土曜日

• Woke up at 10 to the alarm, and snoozed it.. and got an sms from my cousin, Ling at 1015, asking me to chose which cinema did I want to watch our movie in.. Chose the new wing.. and woke up to get ready... Realised, that I didn't have any actual muscle pains from last night's game! (^.^)
  
• Parents came along to the movies.. what did we watch? Mama Mia.. really wonderful movie.. did a review for it on CA so, do check it out..
• Before the movie started as we had about 30 minutes to spare, Ling & I headed to the arcade, and played a game of Daytona and some shooting game.. It was really hot in the arcade.. In fact the whole of BU felt hot. . Either they were trying to be:-
  a) Economical; or
  b) Environmental Friendly; or
  c) There were too many humans, and they didn't want to turn up the aircon due to aforesaid reasons... or
  d) There were too many humans, and their aircon was retarded, and so they couldn't turn it up...
  I don't know you pick and chose.. It was fun, playing all the games though..
• After the movie, we walked a bit, before settling down in Mcdonalds, with a cup of coke, a Roti Boy Bun (not for me.. I'm afraid of that stuff) and a sour cream and onion pretzel from Aunt Anne's... I later dug into a Chicken burger, before being joined by my Aunt and other cousin Yen Ping [both being the mother and sister of Ling]. Since my aunt was there, I called up my parents to join us as well.. so chatted. Bought a box of sushi, and ate somemore.. Although, by all honesty I actually already felt full...
  
• I think there's something wrong with my body's system? After the pretzel and the burger.. I was definitely full, yet I couldn't stop myself from eating the sushi.. making my stomach bloat up, and I felt like I was 3 months pregnant.. =.='
• I think the badminton game has lost it's purpose.. since I seem to eat back double the amount that I've [hopefully] burnt... [I mean I eat at the mamak too!!]
  
• After that separated from aunt and cousins, and bought some table mats.. cute, delicious looking ones and headed home..
• Got home, walked precious, and checked mail etc.. before dinner..
• After dinner, discovered.. more fleas on precious!! Now I'm getting to the reason of the title..
  Caught like 4 fleas off him.. and decided that I should sweep my room, as he spends most of his time there.. Last week there was a multitude of ticks, and today as well.. So Miss Sherlock Sayaka here got on her knees and begin the elimination process...
• Swept room, to discover that Precious's bed, which was under my bed, had ticks on it.. 3 of them, and one on the floor, committed sinful murder... before having the whole house throughly swept, with the aid of my dad...
• Discovered 2 more fleas in the living room... The plot thickens... found one more on the curtain next to the door.... The mystery is thus solved, with the detective's suspicions confirmed...
• The detective and her trusty sidekick thus head outside to stare at the wall, adjoining with our neighbours.. to discover.. a wall full of fleas!!!
• Spent two hours, feeding mosquitos and committing more acts of horrendous murder.. death by burning... [read that as ridding the wall of the ticks as much as possible..] Dad and I got a real good work out.. And the poor wall, looks black in some places it got burnt.. and the wax.. on the floor & all.. Sigh...
  
• Caught my neighbour returning home, and informed her in a diplomatic manner that the fleas were a nuisance, to which acquired and apology.. but these flea business.. we can't really blame anyone... I mean honestly, they've been taking better care of their dogs... or so I hope...
• Well, mystery was solved.. Fleas cleaned up as much as possible.. had a nice good work out, and donated some blood to the pesky mosquitoes.. Retired into the house, and had a shower... and am now... doing this...

And that's how I spent my last two days.. I'll have to try and sleep early tonight as Ccy has arranged a breakfast date with me tomorrow morning..

Before I sign off, a list for myself.. to remind myself of the list of things I ought to do and to stop procrastinating!!

1. Sort pictures from 2006-2007 for developing
2. Finish photo album with current pictures
3. Translate the Ghost Hunt Manga Volume 10
   
4. Wash bathroom and tidy room... (Well only one corner is messy....)
   
5. Iron clothes....
6. Tidy up cupboard...
   
7. Practise musical instruments?
8. Blog? Well, when I find the mood.. and time...
9. Tidy up the "Work" room next door.. well after I'm done with it..
   
10. ... Anything else I deem fit to enter into this entry.....

-Oracl3-

So titled as it's already 3am and I want to sleep, so am trying to keep it short and sweet.. Or so I hope.... Will elaborate later, if I feel like it... or maybe not....

26th September 2008, Friday.

• Went for my first badminton game in 4 years[?] with, Xian Ai, Mel, Xin Yin, Chi Ming & Kevin Wong at Puay Chai's primary school from 9-11pm.... Suffering the after effects now. Muscle pains etc Real good work out though...
  
  
• Playing badminton with the left hand [which is my recessive hand] is retarded-ly fun, and challenging. Had a good laugh...
  
  
• Had quite a bit of fun, if not for the muscle pains that set in, in about an hour after playing.. shows how lethargic I've been lately.. Really should exercise more..
  

27th September 2008, Saturday.

• Due to badminton ending at 1130pm the night before, and going for supper, I ended up home at 1230am.. And slept late, as I had to shower, dry my hair etc..


• At about 9 something, dad woke me up for dim sum at DJ, not bad, will review it later on Critically Acclaimed, when I'm free...


• Right after breakfast, headed to BU for shopping with parents, to buy work clothes. Trying on clothes with muscle aches, is a real pain, literally... And I think, if my mom wasn't there, I wouldn't know how to chose clothes.. Guess my lack of enthusiasm for shopping spurred this..
  


• Why must work clothes be so bloody expensive??


• Came home around 4pm, and took a nap. Parents went out for a wedding dinner, so had dinner with precious... Yummy Chicken Rice!!
  


• At 925pm, Thomas came to pick me up for yum cha at SS2, with Wai Mun and Hoc Mun. I didn't know that, they called that a mamak.. The so called place near the polic station.. A mini Petunian gathering? Xin Yin joined in later. Left the mamak at bout 12am, after all the god damn bloody ciggeratte smoke, nearly killed my lungs. Thanks Thomas for buying the drinks, and driving me :)


• Got home, checked mail, and continued my Taiwan drama.
  


• Was about to sleep at 230am, when upon carrying precious, noticed a multitude of ticks on him!! I don't think he had them yesterday.... Then again, I didn't really carry him yesterday...
  


• Never in his 6 years of life, did he have so many ticks!! WTF is wrong?? Got rid of all of them, [I hope] but am at a lost as to why he has so many ticks, no going into the garden for him.. Bloody stray dogs... =.='

Final note:

Need to clean room & toilet, and get back to my translating the ghost hunt volume 10 manga... & I should, internet connection witholding, finish my Taiwanese drama... Am watching Itazura na kiss/いたずらなKiss, both the Taiwan Drama [The Sequal, watched the first part in Reading], and the Anime... About half way through...

-Oracl3-

Title: Oneechan no otanjyoubi no kaddo: Sister's birthday card..

Well, since my sister always sends cards home, and well, I actually rarely send any myself haha.. being lazy or whatever, but I think I sent one last year?... but anyway.. this year, I decided to make one.

Earlier, my brother had sort of made me a card for my birthday and so did Ccy, so I thought that I would try my hand at making a card. I think we used to do it when we were kids.. but, well that was aeons ago... Unlike my cheater of a brother who relied on items from craft shops.. mine is truly 100% hand made from scratch.. muahaha well not counting the envelope.. I couldn't be bothered to make one, when we have it available...

Anyway, on the 2nd of August 2008, I think I sat down and started on the card, and the results are below..

It was my first time making a proper card... but oh well.. It's the thought that counts, and it's really cute to me anyway :p I even wanted to keep it for myself haha..

This is the front of the card.. it looks plain now.. but just push the little tab up... to get..

This... This is the actual cover of the card... Precious pops out to wish you a happy birthday!!.
As I said, my profession isn't making cards so this was the best I could do..

And when you flip it open..

We will give you your birthday wishes!!
I wanted to make it pop out, but didn't know how... so this is just how it is haha

And that's all for this post.. I'm proud of the card I made haha

On another note, I had complained since it was summer, my livejournal inbox is getting spammed by multiple notices for yaoi/shounen ai / gay manga downloads, and I had expressed a slight concern over that... being a selective moderate feminist haha...

Well it was more of a curiosity, so I said that I would try some lesbian manga/comics... to see what's the hype with gay comics that lesbians are sidelined..

Actually over the years I hadn't really watched nor read anything regarding homosexuality.. [I mean there were the "accidents" where people didn't label the anime/manga as homosexual/porno, & I downloaded it, only to discover it after opening the file.. I mean.. heck label your things properly.. What if I happened to be under 18??!! o_O'... but still, I just read it anyway haha since I've already opened it.. haha.. I think I might have accidentally downloaded porn manga for all I know haha.. so people that borrow my animes/manga, be careful, because sometimes I don't even know what is in there haha, I just keep downloading and burning, to make more space to download more haha.. but anyway...] I guess, no matter how open I try to be, I'm still conservative.. but I do try to accept as many things as possible in this world, and judge it on my own, whether it's good or bad...

I mean if two people love each other, what's to get in their way? it's only society.. that's why we get tragic love stories like Romeo and Juliet.. But, I digress..

Anyway, back to the topic, as stated before... I finally got down to downloading a few Yuri/lesbo manga, just to see how it is.. I've accidentally watched two, I think yuuri animes before.. And it's nothing much to me...I've watched.... hmmmm.. I few yaoi animes? Those were not totally by accident though haha.. I still remember the gay anime we bought for gene :p it was a cute anime... again I digress..

So my comments, and the satisfying of my curiosity of why there is more Yaoi than Yuuri out there.. My Hypothesis...

Basically, I would say that Gay stories are more interesting? Like Loveless and Rin..and gay couples look more sexy/cute together in the mangas... Maybe it's because I've read more Yaoi/shounen ai than Yuuri/shoujo ai... and well they are bishounens/ good looking guys. And me being a girl, would of course be more attracted to their looks rather than pretty girls in lesbo... heck even in straight mangas/animes.. so that would explain why so many girls are crazy over Yaoi...

But the few things that I've seen... maybe because I'm heterosexual and a girl.. so I didn't find it all that interesting... though.. yaoi is more interesting than Yuuri, but I still prefer my straight stories.. Sorry for being so conservative.. but I'm not all closed as I did take the trouble to enter the world of homosexuality through manga and anime no matter how briefly.. It's ok, I don't mind them.. but I still prefer straight stories... =.=' by the way, anyone has broke back mountain? I wanna watch... haha..

One thing, I still don't get is the fan-girling squeals girls do over boy love/shounen ai/yaoi... even more clueless for girl love, if there is any such squealing.... Then again, by so called normal societal standards I'm not very normal... Hence, I don't really conform to society's norm.. I only go so far as is enough for me to live a peaceful life... but that's about it?

-Oracl3-

EDIT: Here's a forgotten picture taken with my mobile during the symposium...


So today was the second part of the law symposium..

Unlike yesterday, today's was much, much better.. at least it was more like a symposium. The floor was opened for about 15-20 minutes for questions at least.. and the people chairing weren't bad today.. They stuck to the time as best as possible.. but Malaysians are horrible...

Did I mention yesterday that so many mobiles went off during the duration of the symposium.. how rude.. At least today was better... And yesterday and today... people don't come back on time after the breaks... Malaysian's are really horrible...

The number of participants seemed to have dwindled.. and well I guess some UM students were traumatised yesterday and didn't return today... and the People who presented yesterday either left or went sight seeing.. So the place seemed sparse compared to yesterday... We didn't mingle much today... Oh, and we met another lecturer who teaches in APIT.. Nice guy.... and funny too haha...

Today's subject was also, much more interesting than yesterday, since they talked about international law and it's relation to environmental law, humanitarian law and human rights.. and at least I understood somewhat, what all the speakers were speaking. Save for one.. He's Malaysian.. and I understood him nice and well.. it was the contents of his speech that left me clueless...

Today's speakers, well their English was not bad, and maybe it was also because I wasn't as sleep deprived as yesterday... I had about maybe 5 hours plus sleep last night? well including the 30-40 minutes, where I fell asleep while listening to the news.. let's just round it up to 6 hours...

Gosh, I must have been so tired to have fallen asleep on the couch, while watching the news...

Anyway, as I was saying today's was much better, my only complaint was that, they had to break off for the Muslims to prays.. It's fine by me, I respect the fact that they had to pray...

But...

Question: What am I supposed to do around Hilton PJ for 2 hours??!!

It's not like I've room there where I can sleep or watch television. Neither do I have car to allow me to go gallivanting around till 3... They should have arranged this symposium on Wednesday and Thursday.. So at least we could end early, and don't waste 2 hours...

So I decided to skip the last talk about Dispute Resolution and Arbitration since I was already given a photocopy of their full study/ speech... and head on home... called my dad... who picked me and Xian Ai up, went to A&W to buy lunch.. and there we go.. now I'm home and here blogging...

Luckily I had good timing, as I caught my parents right after they finished lunch, if they had entered the golf course already then.. I wonder where was I going to camp? =.='

[Explanation to why I said I would have to camp: My dad has a habit of blocking the front door with the car when no one's home.. don't get me wrong... there isn't much to steal in my house.. maybe a few hundred Ringgit at most.. or some lousy outdated faulty electronics.. like the TV or radio...Or well, I guess the most valuable thing would be the 2 computers, which are by the way, actually already obsolete... But I like to think, that the dog is the most precious among all.. so yeah.. it was for precious haha]

-Oracl3-

Title: My precious is definitely so damn cute...

This is more like a bit of fan service for the two monkeys..[sorry, slip of the tongue.. fingers.. muahaha..] siblings.. overseas.. keke...

You know.. fan service...? anime has it... but instead of showing my non existent/small chest or underwear, I show precious... :p hehe..

Well, I guess fan service is not all perverted? maybe? Like producing a special episode for the Japanese Drama One Litre of Tears.. is that fan service too?

I associate fan service with anime too much.. and it's always perverted.. flipping skirts up etc.. =.='

That's why I don't really like anime with too much fan service.. a little is fine.. too much is demeaning to the female society, portraying us as mere sexual objects! What's with portraying the girl as so damn stupid but cute?? stupidly cute? what the hell is that?? it's irritating.. and not only is she STUPIDly cute.. she is also a klutz, and loves flashing herself, whether purposely or not... Are there really girls like that???!! STUPIDly cute and clutzy???

So STUPID that she doesn't know a damn thing? that kind of person must have been living in dream land since she was born!! what's so cute about that???

THAT'S DEMEANING TO THE FEMALE SOCIETY!!

Okay.. maybe because i'm a moderate feminist...

Anyway... back to the purpose of the post.. both of you enjoy.. and well whoever that appreciates my dog, and my almost weird obsession of him haha

Behind precious is actually Ben... :p I think this was taken on 301207 when we were having the pot luck.. I mean compare Ben's clothes :p Besides, how often does he get to enter my room? haha

Lazing away.. enjoy betul budak ini...

In Kemansur.. hiding under the couch.. that's mom's leg in the corner there, in case you guys miss it soooo much haha... one kick for you haha..

Under the computer table.. growling at you, as if his life depended on the cloth which you don't want, but he thinks you are going to take it anyway... when will he learn that I prefer him over that smelly cloth?

enjoying my bed... =.='

And that's all... I think for the time being, I'm done with all this delayed updates and pictures??

so now, I need to scavange for DVDs with pictures from the last 3 years, to sort, and determine which one to develop, and get down to the photo album again...

Oh, and I'm the midst of translating that Ghost Hunt Manga...

I need to burn out some stuff to clear space on my hd and ex hd too.. I've got quite a lot of things to do at home.. I need to buy new guitar strings soon too.. And my piano has been ignored this past 3 days due to the blogging... =.='

Sigh.. so many things to do.. so little time?

-Oracl3-

-Oracl3-

For those who have already read the past posts, you might want to scan through them again, because I've recently backdated and posted two more posts below to keep up with the time line...

Okay.. this should be the last post for my brother's holiday back here...

I tried to keep it all in chronological order like I did my Perth Trip, so that readers have it easier, and all you guys need to do, is just to scroll down..[See I'm so nice..] rather than read the post.. going down than scrolling up to the next post.. I've purposely posted it so that all you need to do is scroll down...

Okay this post is for... pictures in which I can't remember when we took them..

I mentioned somewhere below that Junko met up with Haruka in Petaling street... As my brother wanted company I guess, and wanted to buy some Japanese Dramas, I tagged along..

We arrived there around lunch time, and headed to our favourite Beef Noodle Stall for lunch :p

Enjoying their food?

With that big fat smile on my face.. I sure am.. kekeke

Here's that famous Beef Noodle, it's been around for almost 50 years.. I really love the soup that it comes with :p

After lunch we met up with Haruka and some of her friends near the entrance of Petaling Street. As those two wanted to catch up, they went off to Purple cane for tea, while I shopped with my brother for the dramas...

I still remember the group of us introducing, bowing and all in front of McDonalds.. That was fun :)

Well, and I remember that my brother were walking around the whole place, searching for the Purple Cane branch in which Junko was at.. because I wasn't very familiar with that part of Petaling Street. I remember finding Kemayan college [Another college for law.. And CLP] and I remember losing my first aid badge.. sigh...

But that was how it was... after picking up Junko we headed home via LRT...

Next, are also pictures in which I can't remember the date.. but this was at home.. and we just had steamboat [known as hot pot to some of you] at home.. so here are the pictures...

Precious is sitting on my chair??

Well the array of food...

As I said... eat, eat & eat.. :p

-Oracl3-

Title says it all. this little bugger, has really taken after me.. so darn lazy. even when it comes to eating.. just look at him...

Sitting down to eat.. or maybe he is trying to imitate us.. since we sit down to eat as well?

well, lazy or not, either way he's still so darn cute..

-Oracl3-