The year 2015 is coming to an end, and it seems to have been a year of tears for me.

Was coming to Japan really the right thing?

Earlier around April or May, I got the news from dad that one of our neighbours who was battling cancer, had passed away.

He was dad's colleague and long time friend, I had known him since I was a child.

I shed some tears for him on the train back from work upon hearing this news.

He was a kind uncle and in some sense had seen us grow up, and while not integral, he was, in his own way a part of our lives. I will always remember him as the uncle who car pooled with dad, and that helped dad punch his card at the office sometimes.

I really wished that I could have attended his memorial, and was really worried about dad, since this was his long time colleague and friend.

But while I was sad, there wasn't much I could do, and life seemed to go on, and dad seemed okay.

May you rest in peace uncle Teck Loong.

After that in October, my precious left me, despite our promise that he lets me send him off when his time comes. Probably he did try to keep his promise, he probably thought I was home for good when I came home in September.

Since my precious has been with me for almost half my life, I am still unable to take it easy, and I still cry almost every day over him. But tomorrow part of him will come to me, and hopefully that makes it a bit easier for me.

But I write enough about him every day that I don't need to reiterate that in this post.

And well today, I found out from my brother that my primary school's headmaster. Mr Yeoh Boon Keat, the Headmaster of Sekolah Rendah Kebangsaan Taman Megah, had peacefully passed away at the age of 74 on 20 December 2015.

He retired in the year 1994, I was probably in primary 2 then, but I still remembered him, remembered talking to him, remembered crying and running after his car when he left the school during his retirement.

I even remember some students telling him not to go. I have always remembered him as a kind and sincere man.

Again while I would have liked to attend the memorial service of this great man, who after 2 decades since I last saw him, could still bring tears to my eyes upon hearing about this death, I am unable to since I am now in Japan.

Mr Yeoh was a great teacher, now a days you won't find any teacher who would go around picking up rubbish and cleaning the drains. I think I remember picking rubbish with him once and having a short chat with him.

He was also a teacher that would go round talking to the children like they were his kids. He genuinely cared for the students. Even though there was so many of us.

The world doesn't seem to produce teachers like that anymore, well at least not in the cities.

Mr Yeoh, may you rest in peace, know that you are much loved by all your students (who are now probably spread all over the globe), even now at least 2 decades since we have left school.

-サヤカ-

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As I sit here 5000 miles away from you, I think back to 13 years ago. Where you fitted so snugly into the palm of my hand.

Where even when the world was still dark and noiseless to you, you chose me, as I would have chosen you.

Where even though we weren’t sure if we were allowed to be together, you waited for me and stuck to me like you were already mine.

Where you won the final agreement out of dad in such an adorable manner that the scene forever replays in my mind.

And with all that, I find myself, yet again wishing that I were by your side, to comfort you, to touch you, to reassure you, to be there for you.

Is it possible to love this much? Was I capable of this much love? I never knew; or maybe I had always doubted myself.

But I guess it is possible to love this much; I am capable of loving this much.

If anything, my tears now are the testament of this deep love I feel for you. This fear I feel of losing you. The emptiness I fear that I will feel when you leave me. To this fear of coming home without you there to greet me.

I had always found it so adorable at how you would always by-pass everyone else to greet me first when I got home. And it would seem that I actually do the same.

We have been together for almost everyday of your life; we ate together, bathed together, and slept together…

It seemed like we always wanted to be together, and we were, save for when I went to England to study, or when I went for holidays, or business trips, or even now that I’m 5000 miles away in the land of the rising sun.

But even when we were and are apart, not once had I ever-stopped thinking of you, or wishing I were with you.

You had and have my love through and through.

I deigned from mentioning it too much, lest people thought I was some crazy dog lady, but I think they already knew though, and mom always knew that I was crazy about you. (She was and I think, still is very worried about my mental health on what I would do after this.)

But hey, the rest of the family thought about you too. They all loved you like crazy too; well maybe not as much as I do though, that privilege belonged only to me, I suppose.

And who could fault you? Who wouldn’t love you? You made it impossible not to love you, especially when you loved back so unconditionally. For someone so small, your heart was humongous.

I’m sure many others have gone through what I am going through now; by right we humans are supposed to outlive our pets and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

If I had gone before you, who then would look after you? It will be harder for you than it will be for me. So I am glad in that morbid sense that you wouldn't have to live without me.

But I do ponder how I will live without you.

As they had said in the movie 10 promises to my dog, I have work, my friends, and other family members, so I will, or rather should be able to move on (which I promise you, I will strive to do so), but to you, I’m all you have. Is that true?

Watching you through FaceTime/Skype, looking for me, waiting for me at the door. Its breaks my heart, but I’m inclined to believe that that is the truth.

I am all you have, and I’m so sorry for leaving you, for going 5000 miles away when you need me most. I thought that we would have more time; apparently I thought wrongly, the kindness of the gods/universe/whatever is out there, is probably reaching its limit.

I really want to be beside you now, but I guess you already knew that.

I blame timing, I blame fate, I blame destiny and everything else, but it still leaves me powerless to change the fact that I can’t come home to you in this dire time.

I believe that you remember our promise, and that you will wait for me.

(Wait for me to come home and give me a little bit more time with you please.)

With that, I have decided.

Decided to stop crying and to take care of myself; to believe in you, place all my faith in the world in you, that no matter how tough it is, no matter how much you feel like giving up, that you won’t, and that you will honour this selfish wish of mine, because you love me as much as I love you.

So as I sit here writing this to you, in a probably vain attempt to let it all out, to place this seal on my tears, to be replaced with a smile; as I try to hide my worries for you and trudge on and go on with life as normal as any other human has to in this cruel human society that does not formally recognise pets as family.

I wish again to be by your side, but let’s keep it sealed for the time being okay? And we will write again when the seal breaks.

I’m forever yours.

-サヤカ-

from the 26th of april 2010 (Sunday) till the 2nd of May 2010 (Sunday) i was in China with my family and my aunts (from my mum's side) on a tour...well holiday..

overall it was nice... scenery was beautiful... food was ok, learnt new things bout the culture... they have 52 minority tribes.. and wow... the women wear the pants in some of those tribes, (and the men.. are damn lucky...house husbands... imagine..)

and there's a well... really interesting tribe... (men didn't need to take responsibility at all,) haha... weather was okay too.. loved the cool/cold weather.. well downside? with china... you know it's the toilets... then again back home here we have really disgusting toilets too... so what the heck... at least 50% of the toilets we went too were okay.. i notice they have a problem with flushing.. it's smelly and disgusting, cause they can't flush... water system has a huge problem =.='

souvenir wise it was really difficult to buy anything.. why? well, cause everything is made in China, you can buy it back home... as for the food stuff.. i went to kun ming, dali, li jiang, and one more place... can't really remember.. but there was a hot spring there? haha... i guess that's what you get when you mandarin is only 40% usable??

anyway... i couldn't buy tidbits either for my colleagues, cause it was almost all yak meat... which i don't think my indian colleagues can eat, cause it's like a cow?? and my muslim colleagues either.. cause i'm not sure if it's halal.... =.=' so in the end i bought whatever i could... some preserved... sourish, saltish thing.. (shin mui kind of thing...)

also along the way i didn't really get quite a number of explanation from the guide, and had to rely on the tour leader and relatives to explain what was going on... but in the general sense... i got what was going on.... so guess it was ok?

but on the 2nd day? i think.. i fell ill.. it was a bit too cold for me.. and smart ass me, didn't wear a jacket to sleep. so i practically freezed to death... and caught the cold.. arghh suffering... especially when i had to fly (from li jian to kun ming... and the worse was kun ming to home..)

it was so dry, my throat ended up so damn sore, i almost lost my voice.. and my skin broke out in rashes, cause it was so damn dry... (either it;s the dryiness or the flu medicine.. which i think could be the medicaiton...cause i didn't get this rash in hte UK) and am still suffering the effects now as i sit here, sweating like a pig here typing this... (cause i got used to their weather, ours is too hot now.. practically bathing in sweat ) =.='

so again, the scenery was really beautiful, especially at the lake and mountain shall upload to Face book when i've the time. oh yeah, i made a new friend too... it's nice :)

but a little weird thing happened.. on friday night (30 april 2010), i dreamt that my boss was unhappy bout something, and then after that he seemed happy.. =.=' (it was like, he was unhappy i wasn't in the office? and happy again when i was back in - guess that's cause i'm back to do the work...?? =.=' i get that feeling.... i swear honest to god, it really felt like he was happy again in the dream cause i was there to do the work... =.=' weird right?)

so when i got home on the 2nd of may (at night, tired like hell, and still down with the cold...not really done unpacking...) you know that naggy feeling you get??

so okay, i check my email, and i see something from him... a number of his comments.... and you know.. (i'm a really impatient person), i don't profess to be a genius.. i admit i learn slow... and i'm a visual learner.. that's why i learn faster when i've something to read/compare, like a text book, or a sample document... (lately my attention span is quite short too.. and usually i don't like those really thick text books anyway, but the simple straightforward books)

so yes, i don't like the damn thing either, and would like to get it done and over with too.. i didn't stay till 11pm on the 23rd of april to finish it so that i had to redo it/add on to it, and make my dad have to come all the way down to the office to pick me up, cause it was 11pm and no one could drop me at the train station.

so thank you very much for your comments. i've been doing the work from the start, and forgive me, but my brain really can't process anymore, i see it as it is.... and you as a fresh brain... well thank you for your comments............................................. really.......... i don't know if it's inexperience or what.. but i really couldn't pick out the points you did..=.='

anyway, another point of annoyance.... oh wait.. ermm, let's say the good stuff first... a nice old malaysian chinese man... okay not that old, maybe bout my dad's age, let me cut the line, so that i could board the plane with my family.... thank you nice chinese man...

on the other hand, the annoying point? was this malay man... maybe about... late 30's? or mid 40's? was an ass.... when the plane landed and people were disembarking, he was pushing me trying to get into the lane to get out.... hello?? you really shouldn't wear sunglasses in a plane on a night/evening flight, cause obviously you can't see that the lane between the seats was so congested with people, that i couldn't get out either, so all your idiotic pushing was for naught....

i don't give a shit if you are going to wet your pants there, you were just plain rude, so a big no thank you to your rudeness you middle aged malay man, and for irritating me, after a sort of pleasant flight...

(sort of, cause well... my cold made my ear hurt really bad during landing, and the fact that there was a problem with the plane's audio system... and the food was reallly, really horrible i couldn't eat it, and the air stewardess english was horrible... and.... that the plane was really small and cramped, and fully booked and had only two toilets..... yeah i think that's the end of the complaint)

yeap, i think that's it... i had a fun trip, slightly dampened by my lack of understanding in manadarin, and due to my cold, and the fact that no one.. i repeat NO ONE, would accompany me to the hot springs :( then again, i was already down with the cold then, so it was in some sense a blessing in disguise...

i bought a number of things for myself.. at a cheap price (hey it's China right?), namely? a name card holder, cheaper than what you can get it for back home... a blouse, and a jacket... well with the clothings, i hope they don't shrink after being washed.. (they kept me really warm too, so i think they should be ok?)

other than that.. there's really nothing much to buy there, (cause we can get it back home)... so it was a lot of scenery pictures.. it was a pity the cable car for the snow mountain was under maintanence... i miss snow... but it was still okay?

alritey... really tired from the trip, so need to sleep as tomorrow it's back to the office, i'm starting to wish that i had taken an extra day off =.=' but then again. i'm taking a day off this week for my physiotheraphy... sigh.... so i didn't take that one day....

so back to work tomorrow to face the shit... err work... and yeah.. drowsy from the cold medication.. going to hit the sack.. good night world...

sorry la... if this post sounds angry again, my dreams have been telling me that i've been holding in too much shit, and need to let it go.. hahhahaha... nitey all :)

i hope i can come home early.... cause tomorrow my dad is going to pick my precious up, i missed him so much throughout the whole trip =.=' baby~~~ come home to mummy ;p hehehhe

again, nites :p

-Oracl3-

10 Principles for Peace of Mind

1. Do Not Interfere In Others' Business Unless Asked:

Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others' affairs.

We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our

way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic and those who do not

conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our

direction.

This thinking denies the existence of individuality and consequently the

existence of God..

God has created each one of us in a unique way.

No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way.

All men or women act the way they do because God within them prompts them

that way.

Mind your own business and you will keep your peace.

2. Forgive And Forget:

This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind.

We often develop ill feelings inside our heart for the person who insults us or

harms us.

We nurture grievances.

This in turn results in loss of sleep, development of stomach ulcers, and high

blood pressure.

This insult or injury was done once, but nourishing of grievance goes on

forever by constantly remembering it.

Get over this bad habit.

Life is too short to waste in such trifles.

Forgive & Forget, and march on.

Love flourishes in giving and forgiving.

3. Do Not Crave For Recognition:

This world is full of selfish people.

They seldom praise anybody without selfish motives.

They may praise you today because you are in power, but no sooner

than you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and will start finding

faults in you.

Why do you wish to kill yourself in striving for their recognition?

Their recognition is not worth the aggravation.

Do your duties ethically and sincerely.

4. Do Not Be Jealous:

We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind.

You know that you work harder than your colleagues in the office, but

sometimes they get promotions; you do not.

You started a business several years ago, but you are not as successful

as your neighbor whose business is only one year old.

There are several examples like these in everyday life.

Should you be jealous?

No.

5. Change Yourself According To The Environment:

If you try to change the environment single-handedly, the chances

are you will fail.

Instead, change yourself to suit your environment.

As you do this, even the environment, which has been unfriendly to you,

will mysteriously change and seem congenial and harmonious.

6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured:

This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage.

Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations,

and accidents that are beyond our control.

If we cannot control them or change them, we must learn to put up

with these things.

We must learn to endure them cheerfully.

Believe in yourself and you will gain in terms of patience, inner

strength and will power.

7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew:

This maxim needs to be remembered constantly.

We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable

of carrying out.

Know your limitations. . Why take on additional loads that may

create more worries?

You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities.

Reduce your material engagements and spend time in prayer,

introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind that make

you restless.

Uncluttered mind will produce greater peace of mind.

8. Meditate Regularly:

Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of disturbing thoughts.

This is the highest state of peace of mind.

Try and experience it yourself.

If you meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday, your mind will

tend to become peaceful during the remaining twenty-three and half-hours.

Your mind will not be easily disturbed as it was before.

You would benefit by gradually increasing the period of daily meditation.

You may think that this will interfere with your daily work.

On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will be

able to produce better results in less time.

9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant:

An empty mind is the devil's workshop.

All evil actions start in the vacant mind.

Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile.

Actively follow a hobby.

Do something that holds your interest.

You must decide what you value more: money or peace of mind.

Your hobby, like social work or religious work, may not always earn

you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement.

Even when you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or

mental chanting of God's name.

10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret:

Do not waste time in protracted wondering " Should I or shouldn't I?"

Days, weeks, months, and years may be wasted in that futile

mental debating.

You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate

all future happenings.

Value your time and do the things that need to be done.

It does not matter if you fail the first time.

You can learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time.

Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing.

Learn from your mistakes, but do not brood over the past.

DO NOT REGRET.

Why cry over spilt milk?

Equality is in my opinion a Utopian concept. It does not truly exist, nor would, I doubt, it ever exist, at least not in my lifetime.

Discrimination is everywhere, present here and now, in force whether we realise it or not. Discrimination between the races, culture and sexes are among the few examples of the types of discrimination we face everyday. Thankfully the world is opening up and in this 21st century we are blessed with people who are willing to free themselves from the four corners of their boxes and venture out, and embrace new things, new ideologies, new culture.

Discrimination, I believe can be traced back way, way back even to the Stone Age. They may not exactly have any discrimination against race or culture back then, but it was obvious that there was discrimination of the sexes. Which is actually the main topic of this write up today. My knowledge of what I am about to write here, is knowledge I have gathered from talking to people, observing society and reading random materials over the course of the 20 odd years of my life. So please feel free to correct me on points, which you feel, are discrepant.

Back to the main topic, discrimination of the sexes.

When this planet was made, Men and Women were made as well, males and females were made so, that they cannot reproduce without the other, and would have likely died out if not for each other. (Although now with technology, I would actually boldly state that Women can reproduce without men, if you know about Dolly the sheep, you will roughly know where I am coming from, but that’s besides the current point.)

Therefore, since both are needed to reproduce wouldn’t one think that they ought to be equals? Unfortunately, no, Men are Women are made differently; Women are mysteriously made weaker, physically, compared to Men. A man can easily kill a woman with his bare hands whereas the opposite is not true for the woman. (but both are quite mentally competent if I may say so myself.)

Have you ever watched documentaries on animals like National Geographic? If you did, you would have noticed that the alpha male is the strongest in the pack, physically strongest I would add. Hence it could be possible to say that the discrimination of the sexes is an animal instinct. (Essential for the survival of the fittest, if not for such a thing, I think a lot of species would have died out) Men are generally stronger; a woman could exercise the same amount as a man and not get any muscles, whereas the man could easily get bulky. In order to reproduce, we can’t have a pregnant lady fighting a dinosaur and risking a miscarriage, and effectively failing in reproduction and resulting in the death of the species.

Hence it could be likely that the reason Women were not made that strong was because they don’t need that strength unlike Men. So the Men had to do the dirty and dangerous work. But again looking at animal instinct, (as humans have been said to be animals, but the most well evolved one) the physically strongest of the pack becomes the leader. Thus, I would say that it is the most plausible reason why the Women follow the Men.

If a Women refuses to follow it would be quite easy to put her in place by just hitting her (as some beings lower than the human race, nay, they cannot even deserve to be called humans, do even to this very day). Women would most likely lose in a physical fight (forget martial arts, the idea here is if the woman knows martial arts the man knows it as well. She would most likely still lose; it’s a battle of strength here).

Hence, it started the dominance of Men over Women. Imagine in the stone age, when a man saw a woman he liked, he would hit her on the head and drag her back to his cave by her hair!! To be his so-called “wife”. (As there was no such term then) What brutality, even a woman during the Stone Age had no right of choosing her own husband and is instead brutally kidnapped. What discrimination is this?!

This passed on into the centuries, where Women were taken as wombs, and were not educated, nor was the need seen. Being uneducated, Women were brought up to have conservative minds to listen to the Men and just be obedient. (like the case in Salt Lake City if I’m not wrong, some sort of religious sect) This was enforced with the introduction of religion with the formation of governments. (Which I felt was actually meant to control the economy, i.e. the taxation, rules and the beginning of law etc notice that all the religious leaders are all Men!!) And most likely the males all got arrogant, as this kind of act gives them the feeling of power, the feeling of power they have over Women, another human being. Thus, giving birth to ego and most likely the chauvinistic Men.

Women however suffered, brilliant minds were snuffed out, the Men continued to subdue Women and built a society for Men. (Look at history at the ancient civilisations, all ruled by Men, Women had no place in politics or ruling; Women were not even allowed on the Olympic grounds, what more to join in, and could only watch it from a far.)

But, thankfully, I guess the Men started to realise, that having an uneducated Women, as they progressed wasn’t very good. Some Men preferred intellectual Women, and it was better if Women could at least read. And thankfully, there were some fathers out there who felt that his daughter deserved an education (usually happens when they are denied sons and uses the daughters as substitutes, but some really do think that their daughters should have a right to education, thank goodness for fathers like that). Thank goodness for some of the Men who had the right mind to look at the other side of the coin, and decided that Women are not stupid, and ought to be educated as well.

Hence slowly, the females were being educated. But with education, some of them started to think on their own, and started asking for equality, something non-existent, unless in my opinion, the day comes where Men can carry a baby in their body, suffer through the pains of child birth and give birth to it. What they are actually looking for, I would personally say is better rights, less oppression, better access to knowledge, and overall a better life. Not a life hidden away in the shadows.

In those days they even had clubs especially for Men, where Women were not allowed to join or even work in. (That could probably well explain the male domination of most professions as Women were just expected to sit at home and mind the children.) Since Women weren’t educated until later. Women who dabbled in things we would call scientific, such as traditional herbs and healing medicines were called witches and burnt at the stake whereas the Men were revered as Scientists, the injustice of it all.

We are in some sense lucky that some Men had loved their wives, daughters, sisters or mothers enough, and revered them a higher standing and allowing them to inherit property. (Such as the ancient Egyptian empire, if I am not wrong, the mother of the King holds and honourable position) Thus in effect, raising the status of Women in society, and allowing it to evolve into what it is today.

There are Men out there who don’t view Women as sexual objects but as human beings like them, who should be given, whenever possible the equal opportunity as Men, and thank goodness for Men like that. Though now as more Women get educated, they are also learning to fight for their rights, as human beings, Women should not be treated like a slave, or a womb, just to give birth, or cook and clean for the family.

Unfortunately I’ve noticed that although society is changing, a number of Men still cannot except that Women are being independent, especially the urban Women, and most Men feel threatened by that. Threatened by the fact that they are no longer needed to put food on the table or as the protector of the family because the Women are capable of that. Thus they think independent Women are not cute, and buy brides from other countries. The Men’s chauvinistic character it would seem unfortunately did not recede with the change of position and status of the Women folk. We could also say that society does not really allow them to as well. (But it can be seen that the younger society is attempting to change.)

It is like a stereotype that we were born with, where boys were wrapped in a blue blanket and girls in pink. However, we can note and see that girls will wear blue and play with cars and trucks, but the same is usually not true for boys, though some of them may now wear soft pastel pink, but they frown against playing with dolls and see it as wrong. The society’s perception set in their minds since centuries ago, that these are Women things, Men will not do it. And the Women’s thinking that, she no longer wants to be oppressed and will break into the Men’s world and do what the Men can.

I think it is a fact, Men can never be Women and vice versa, what is left is to just respect each other. Women should respect the fact that Men are physically stronger and are meant to do certain kinds of work, which actually by fact, if the Women really wanted it, and with the help of technology she can do as well. (It’s like girls playing with cars but boys not playing with dolls.)

And Men should respect Women, understand that they are the weaker sex, but they definitely should not be oppressed and be given better or if possible equal rights/opportunities (such as equal opportunity for education). Society should be taught that girls are okay too (China should stop killing baby girls). We are not stupid or useless; we can inherit property as well. And we can actually carry on the surname as well (as in Japan where the son-in-law may be adopted into the family and carry the wife’s surname).

What I’ve noticed in society is that there is still a general lack of respect for Women, sure the highly educated/professionals respect, or at least try their best to respect each other no matter the sex, but when you get rapists and molesters, this are typical Stone Age Men who have failed to evolve, and still wish to empower Women, and who do not respect Women and most likely think they don’t have to be respected.

Society deserves a hard smack on the head, and taught to think with an open mind, it doesn’t matter if this discrimination has been so deeply embedded in culture, if there are people, Men and Women willing to fight for it, someday, we may be looking at a future where Women will have rights almost equivalent to the Men, where Women will get the respect their deserve; respect almost, or I hope actually equal to Men. It feels like a Utopian dream, but it could be possible with the right education, and with the right minds, and will to change societies.

Men on the other hand shouldn’t be thinking that because Women want equality that they should do everything themselves, like from what I’ve noticed in my scouting, for example in chopping wood, the boys will not help the girls saying they are strong enough. I don’t really think that is the point. As stated it is a fact, Women are the weaker sex, we don’t have as much physical strength, besides it is being courteous to help a friend, is it not? If your friend, regardless of sex were having difficulty chopping the wood, which you know you’re most likely capable of, would you not offer your help? (You should, it’s manners. So learn, society lacks manners, especially, sadly, in this country as posted before based on the little survey I did sometime back around last year.)

So yes, respect each other, and help each other, you chop the wood & I can help you sew, I don’t really see the problem with that as long as Women are not treated as objects but normal human beings like the Men. (We were after all made differently) I think that is in effect what Women are actually looking for, but couldn’t word properly. (Hence the word “equality”) So to the, Men please respect the Women, and to the Women, please respect the Men, and to both sexes, please continue to strive for better rights for Women. (We should not be locked at home, not allowed to leave the home unaccompanied, we should not feel fear walking out on the street alone, we should all be given equal education, we should have the right to choose our spouse, we do not need to hide. Society can free Women, and the first step has to be taken by us all)

Also this might seem quite feminist, but I think Men should just endure it when Women say it’s the Men’s fault for a certain number of things (such as society’s mentality and way of thinking), as we can all associate it to the discrimination of their fore fathers and fathers before that, i.e. the Men of old, it’s the least they could do for the centuries of oppression of Women, though they will argue that they aren’t like that. But it’s a fact that society was made like that, and it’s good that they realise that though, and are hopefully willing to change society, cause if they don’t aren’t they then the same as their forefathers and fathers before that?

To the Men, hey what’s wrong with wearing florescent pink and playing with dolls?

-Oracl3-

P/s: this discrimination of the sexes can actually be applied to the discrimination of races etc, one race thinks it’s more superior than the other, and well they have the numbers to enforce that thought by forming society, and there you have it. Discrimination, again I would say, education and teaching people to broaden their horizons will help to alleviate this problem somewhat. And people need to stop thinking they are so damned special when we are all humans, when we get cut, no matter the skin colour, our blood is all red. (But as I said it’s a Utopian concept or we wouldn’t be having any wars now would we?)

Ahh, yes, the moment of truth... (with a capital B)

Let me get this straight.. I still love you, it, whoever, or whatever I happen to be bitching about.. (whenever I do bitch...) but well, yeah.. life just gets to you sometimes...

People who bitch in general,
Are people who are pissed,
People who are pissed,
Are angry people,
People who are angry,
Are people who are unhappy,
People who are unhappy,
Are miserable people...
And well, people who are miserable...
Are just that.. miserable..
So have some pity....

So the conclusion is, in general, Miserable people are people who bitch...

And the more miserable they are, the more they bitch...

So instead of getting angry at people who bitch, listen to what they have to say, and seek the truth and logic in that, and maybe help them along, or keep it to yourself, but please don't get angry with them and start spreading gossips or whatever (as I've noticed it's always the case, going behind the person's back.... Well...... Hey........ come to think of it, doesn't that count as bitching as well??? O_O' Krud...)

Cause people who bitch are miserable people, so we should feel sorry for such miserable people, and revive that compassion we have hidden in our souls..

So yes, please pity me when I bitch (as I do as well.). And to be honest, (I've noticed, both in others and personally) when we bitch we don't really mean it, we're just ranting, people need to let the miserable things off their chest to move on and be slightly more happier...
So let's all forgive people who bitch... cause bitching is just part of human nature..

(And to everyone who caught me bitching, my sincerest apologies... after all, no matter how much I deny it, I'm unfortunately still human, and am living in this society of humans....)

Thank you

The end

-Oracl3-

P/s: Ah, you could tell that things haven't been going that great? Why, thank you... Though I have a number of things to be thankful for.. Am searching for the lining in the silver clouds... and well.. no matter how worse off we think we are.. there are people worse off than us....

Errr..... Does this count as bitching too??? =.='

エリザベツさんとシンさんへ、

この手紙はあなたたちのためである。戦うはつずく下さい!　頑張れ！

With the recent controversy going on about Elizabeth Wong and those photos of hers... it seems that the political scenario is getting quite dirty.. (assuming, like everyone else, that it's politically motivated...)

I can empathise with Elizabeth, and though I cannot fully understand her feelings, I do somewhat understand what she is going through right now...

The apprehension, and the feeling of loneliness, the fear.... the insecurity.. it's all really horrible..
this is really harassment to the max!

I don't blame her for feeling afraid, and just wanting to shy away and hide from the rest of the world, but I think, she is giving in to her fear.. it takes time to get over the fear, but at this point of time, eventhough it's lonely and it's hard, eventhough it's scary, I don't think she should give in to the fear.

I don't think she should resign, and that she should continue, protecting the party? I think the party is the one that should protect her, I mean correct me if I'm wrong. But that's just my personal opinion, she is the victim here, not the party.

She should stay on, and fight, for women who may be potential victims of such demeaning acts. it's a fact that men do not understand this, and some may try to empathise, and honestly not all women will automatically understand, but at least she has the support of the people. In some sense it's still lonely, but some people have managed to turn their fear and loneliness into strength, and even more so when they have a cause to fight for. This changing of energy will do good.. In the end she will just have to reach out and trust again. it's hard, easier said than done, but it can be done, all that's needed is sheer will power.

Though I understand it takes time, not everyone is that strong willed. But again, she should fight, this is a violation to her as a person, and as a women, it is sexual harassment, and something should be done this round to prevent it from happening the next time to someone else, or God forbid the same person. so yes, she shouldn't resign, or the perpetrator will have gotten what he/she aimed for to start with...

-Oracl3-

Got the link for the video below off my sister...



When it first started playing I was like hey.... I know the place.. so I restarted it to read the front part, to know the venue.. and I was like damn! I really miss the place... Sigh....

I used to stay at my cousin's at Liverpool St... So, yes, am very familiar with the Liverpool street station... XD

Damn I really miss London.. The transportation system there was way better than ours.. as in more connected.. minus the "Man under the train" every now and again.....

T-mobile did a really good advertisement.. I think it must have taken quite a bit of work.. since they can only practise between about 1-2am till about 5-6 am.. that's the only time the stations are closed...

I still remember having to pick my sister up at about 12 at night haha... it was really that safe, that I could just run out like that to catch a train/The Underground to go get her at Victoria station... I miss that sense of security.... (However, there are still crooks & drunks, so you still have to be careful....)

Don't ever ask me to do it here.. I might never come home alive..... =.='

-Oracl3-

The reason(s) for my procrastination??

Well, it's a mystery.. but lately.. I've been watching a Korean drama titled Song of a Prince/ Seo Dong Yo with my mum... [it's like some Korean version of Romeo & Juliet.. it has 56 episodes.. so don't mind the long absence...] And with MSN being such a pain in the ass.. heavy thunderstorms threatening my modem.. Trying to sleep early and wake up early.. Hence, the lack of appearance in the cyber world.. Well, not like anyone is really looking for me =.='
Besides, if they really need me I'm a phone call away.... So no sweat...

Ended up cooking dinner for the past 2 days with my mum... How did that come about?? Not that I really mind.. A chance to mess around in the kitchen before I start work?? :p

Went to KLCC to get my tickets for the MPO this Saturday with "Grandson" Thomas.. Badminton game tomorrow? :p

Points of interest

• I may like the rain, but I despise the mosquitoes that come with it!!
• The flea collar we got for precious is redundant, it doesn't do its job. Precious still gets fleas on him.. no thanks to the neighbour's dogs next door?
• One of my neighbour dogs.. dubbed Spotty seems to have gone MIA.. wonder what happened to the dear old thing..
• Lately, I don't know why, but I've been in a mood to watch movies... and videos.. hmm~ revelling in my final days of freedom?
  

Before I sign off, a list for myself.. to remind myself of the list of things I ought to do and to STOP procrastinating!!

1. Sort pictures from 2006-2007 for developing
2. Finish photo album with current pictures (Where the heck did I put the pictures??! Damn!)
   
3. Translate the Ghost Hunt Manga Volume 10
   
4. Wash bathroom
   
5. tidy room... (Well only one corner is messy....)
   
6. Iron clothes....
7. Tidy up cupboard...
   
8. Practise musical instruments?
9. Blog about my excursions etc.? Well, when I find the mood.. and time...
10. Tidy up the "Work" room next door.. well after I'm done with it..
    
11. ... Anything else I deem fit to enter into this entry.....

-Oracl3-

Edited 10th October 2008, 0053

"In the beginning after God had created Man, seeing him so feeble, He gave Man the dog" -Alphonse Toussenel, Zoologist-

(And thank God for that!!)

犬はあなたを愛してる．だって犬には、あなたしかいないのだから。
-The dog loves you. That's because it only has you-

Title: いぬとわたしのじゅうのやくそく: 10 Promises to my dog

I was watching this movie the other day [It's a March 2008 release..], and never have I cried so hard for a movie, since watching Wind struck.. (Maybe even harder).. But well, dog owners who love their dogs to bits would be able to connect to the show.. but steer clear, if dogs don't appeal to you, or if you don't fancy bawling your eyes out..

On another note.. the title of the movie was inspired by the book, 10 Commandments to dog ownership. And the 10 promises in the movie was really touching.. so here it is...

犬と私の10の約束

• 一．私の話「はなし」を我慢[がまん]強「つよ」く聞「き」いて下さいね。
• -Please listen to me patiently-

• 二．私を信「しん」じて、私はいつもあなたの味方「みかた」です。
• -Trust me, I'm always on your side-

• 三．私とたくさん遊「あそ」んで。
• -Play with me a lot-

• 四．私にも心「こころ」があることを、忘「わす」れないで。
• -Don't ever forget that I've feelings too-

• 五．ケンカはやめようね、本気「ほんき」になったら私が勝「か」っちゃうよ！
• -Let's never fight, you never know, I might win when I'm serious!-

• 六．言「い」う事「こと」を聞「き」かない時「とき」は、理由「りゆう」があります。
• -If I don't listen to you, I have my reasons-

• 七．あなたは学校「がっこう」もあるし、友達「ともだち」もいるよね、でも私にはあなたしかいません。
• -You have your school and friends, but as for me, I only have you-

• 八．私が年「とし」をとっても仲良「なかよ」くして下さい。
• -Please stay my best friend even when I'm old-

• 九。私は十年「じゅうねん」くらいしか生「い」きられません、だから，一緒「いっしょ」にいる時間「じかん」を大切「たいせつ」にしようね。
• -I can only live for about ten years, so let's treasure every moment together-

最後「さいご」の約束は．．．

• 十．あなたとすごした時間「じかん」を忘「わす」れません。私が死「し」ぬ時「とき」お願「ねが」いします、そばにいてね。
• -Never forget our time together. So when my time comes, please be by my side-

*****
I found this off the net, it's a bit different, I guess that maybe it's because it's from the novel.. maybe..

There's one with translations, but it's not very accurate... in fact the translation sucks.. but I'm too lazy now to do it.. since I need to sleep, me being really tired.. maybe later I'll edit this post, and correct some of the translations..

Edit: Okay, here are the translations for the ones that are different from the ones I got from the movie.. Unless stated otherwise.. I find the translations totally off.. Just compare it yourself...

1.私と気長「きなが」につきあって下さい
-Please have patience when you are with me-

2. 私を信じて下さい。それだけで私は幸せです。
-Please trust in me, that is my only happiness..-

3 & 4 is the same, and the translation for 4 is totally out, mine [above] is better.

5. 私にたくさん話しかけて下さい。人間の言葉「ことば」は話せないけど、わかったいます。
-Please talk a lot to me. I may not speak the Human language, but I do understand it-

6. 私をたたかないで。本気になったら私のほうが強いことを忘れない下さい。
-Don't fight with me. Please don't forget that when I'm serious I'm much stronger than you-
(Same as above, but the wording in Japanese is different)

7. Is the same, I think.. I don't know what's that kanji after 年..

8. Is worded differently in Japanese, [slightly compared to the movie version] but it means the same.. and no.. there is no "entertainment & work" it just says, school and friends... =.=' though yes.. entertainment and work.. may be used.. where it applies...

9. 私は十年くらいしか生きられません．だから，できるだけ私と一緒にいてください。
-I can only live for about 10 years. So if it's possible, please stay by my side, always.-

10. 私が死ぬ時、お願いです。そばにいて下さい。そして、どうか覚「おぼ」えていて下さい。私がずっとあなたを愛していたことを。
-When my time comes, please be by my side. And somehow, please remember that I'll always love you-

Anyway I'll try to keep this ten promises to my precious as well :) And lucky for me, toy breeds, live for about 15 to 17 years.. So, cheers to a long life of companionship with me to precious!!

-Oracl3-

Note: CLP = Certificate of Legal Practise, a 9 month course foreign law graduates have to sit through, in order to get their license to practise as a lawyer.

Okay, actually I had received the information from a certain law firm that the results will be out today. And well, they called me this morning saying things along the line that I've passed, and would I like to work in their firm.

Well, before that Xian Ai had called me with the news and I went back to sleep, only to recieve the phone call from that firm. I tried going back to sleep, but since my sleep was disrupted and Xian Ai was going to come pick me up to go to the CLP board, so up I got to get ready.

Now, now.. enough of the talk.. I'm sure everyone is anxious for the results, and really just want to get over my mindless ramblings...

Well, about my results.. what can I say? I studied last minute... And I seriously mean last minute. I only prepared for some of the papers the night before the exams, and was totally freaking out that I haven't studied a thing at all.

If not for Xian Ai's gracious help, I wouldn't even know what to write on my exam papers!!

I know, I said that if I pass then there is no quota.. Well...

I guess....

There's no quota after all...?

My father laughed when I called to tell him that I passed!! Cause he called it "sleeping results" I shan't comment on that..

I'm obviously happy that I passed, so that I don't have to resit.. but am slightly disappointed that I can't play for another year, but have to enter the work force..haha, but who am I to complain?

Erm, am a little upset on the behalf of a friend who helped me so,so, so much but didn't make it.. and am upset on behalf of other friends who didn't make it as well... Sigh.. My friend studied harder than me.. I don't understand how she could fail.. Is there really a quota? :p

And am happy for the other friends who passed along with me!!

Some might complain about my lack of enthusiasm or call me over confident.. But somehow I knew that I would pass.. it's that premonition kind of feeling? Erm, thank the stars that I'm born with good selective memory....

-Oracl3-

P/S: MSN you really are a retard!!

"Life is about living, unfortunately, that living encompasses exams... and other unpleasant things in life... but without those, that's not living.." -Sayaka-

I desperately needed some inspiration... shared here.. by a Dr Randy Pausch, Diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, was treated, recovered, and is now suffering a relapse, and has been told by doctors that he has only months to live... Here is his final lecture... Touching...



Inspirational quote from the video?

"Don't complain, Work Harder!" -Dr Randy Pausch-

"Live your life the right way, when you live right, the dreams will come to you" -Dr Randy Pausch-

Life is about living... which unfortunately means.. I've to go through those darned exams haha...[and for the others.. well, there are plenty of other things we dread...]

but hey, how come my parents didn't let me paint my room the way I wanted to? haha... then again... they let me stick whatever I want in it now.. :p I'll take pictures and load them after exams, to show what I've stuck in my room :p

Also, today I've just received a birthday card from my brother who is in Australia... I guess he only remembered my birthday on the actual day, because the card was sent on the 19th of June itself haha... Among all the cards this year.. I'll have to say that I like his the most.. [Though the butterfly sticker he stuck on the envelope seems like only things girls would do haha..]

It looks like it was sort of handmade with those little 2D pictures you can stick on the card.. [you know like the "make your own card" set you get from craft shops..] messy, and a bit sloppy, but I liked it, simply because there's a Grand piano on the front haha.. it's so cute :p [sorry, call me prejudicial then, it's not everyday I get a card like that... haha]


and well he inserted an inspirational quote, just right when I needed inspiration...

"One thing is certain. That is that the power of belief, the power of thought, will move reality in the firection of what we believe and conceive of it. If you really believe you can do something, you can. That is a fact." -Daisaku Ikeda-

Things work out in mysterious ways right? Now all I've to do is believe in myself... sigh.. easier said than done...

Then again, today's hot weather had sapped my concentration to study.. sigh... but that's another matter.... i'm 60% done with civil procedure, and am starting on Criminal Procedure now....

For now, enjoy the video while I hit the books..

To everyone that needs it, and ESPECIALLY to myself:

頑張ってね，「がんばってね」
加由加由！[This is Chinese by the way, and the above is in Japanese, they all mean the same, Ganbatte/Fight/Don't give up]
待ったね。勉強します！！諦めないぞ！！ファイト！！

-Oracl3-

"It's amazing how exams can make anything & everything not related to studying as procrastination... no wonder we procrastinate more when exams are coming..." -Sayaka-

i know not all countries are perfect, but it irks me that although we have first class infrastructure, we are laden with a third class mentality. when we see a foreigner, especially those westerners, i notice that they tend to be treated quite nicely, hence letters from tourists saying that we are such a helpful and friendly culture.

As a Malaysian i beg to differ. the survey did by reader's digest is right. we are one of the rudest people in the world.

how many of you say thanks to the person holding the elevator door for you?
how many of you would give up your seats in the train or the bus to an elderly person or a pregnant lady?
how many of you actually bother to line up properly and not push when boarding public transportation? tell me how many????
would you try to vacate a table at an eating centre as soon as possible if there are a lot of people waiting?
would you take your own time with getting your car out of the parking lot when you know there is someone waiting to park at that spot?
how many of you would hold the door open for the person who will enter after you??
how many of you actually stop your car at zebra crossings for people to cross?
how many of you stop you cars on the zebra crossing when the light changes?

not many. let me be honest.. from my observation, from having to study in the city centre of Malaysia i.e. Kuala Lumpur, i have noticed the inconsiderate natures of the Malaysians. it is a saddening state really, that Malaysians lack manners. and, oh do we really lack.

i take the LRT to college at least 4-5 times a week... when there is a pregnant lady or an elderly person... i noticed that the men.. mind you, young men, would not bother to give up their seat. 8 out of 10 times, it's the women that gives her seat up. usually those that give up their seats are those who are in about their 20s i suppose. there was many a time where i gave up my seat as well.. though sometimes, as i'm day dreaming, i was slow to realise, but when i do, i willingly give up my seat... unless i really don't feel well, as is sometimes the case for me, in crowded areas....

in college itself. when i hold the elevator door open for people out of let's say the 15 or so people in there, only one or two will say thanks. and even this is rare. it only happens 2-3 times out of 10.. the percentage is so low. it's always the same people who say thanks.. the others don't bother.. in fact, even the one nearest to the buttons,won't bother to hold the door, but just walks out ahead.... manners, manners..... they all lack it.

just yesterday at the LRT station, as i was touching my card to the sensor, this Malay lady behind me inserted her train card into my machine. obviously i can't pass through then. what did she say? "oops" and just pushed past me... totally and absurdly rude!! she could have at least said excuse me!!

don't parents teach manners to their children?? mine did... i wonder what is the percentage of parents that bother to ensure that their child has manners? it looks like it's very low.. out of the 300-400 people of my class, let me tell you how many have showed manners so far...

only about 10-20.. giving it the benefit of the doubt.. we make that 20.. 20 out of let's say 350 students [it's a discount here] that means we only have about 5.7% round it up to 6% of people who are polite in the class...

i also noticed that girls in my class tend to be ruder than the boys, they don't bother about holding the door or saying thanks if you hold the door for them. heck even an appreciative smile is welcomed. the elder men in the class, i.e mature students... only 1-2 of them are polite... the rest are plain rude, pushing past you etc.

the ones that are usually polite, are those who seem to be in their early twenties. imagine if my class was the population of Kuala Lumpur.. that would mean of the estimated 1.6 million [in 2006, we could have more now] population in the city, only 6% are polite enough, to give up their seats to people that need it. that's very saddening this means of the 1.6 million people only 96 000 Malaysians in Kuala Lumpur are polite... if it's compared to the state of Selangor, we have about 3.75 million people.. that would give us 225, 000 of polite people in Selangor....... not a very encouraging figure, although it is all speculation just based on the percentage of my class.....

still it irritates the hell out of us. just look at our drivers who think that they own the whole Malaysian road. impatient people, who can't even wait 2 minutes for the traffic light to turn green. cutting lanes without putting on their signals, accelerating when the car in front puts on the signals to change lanes. blocking pedestrians from crossing by stopping their cars and buses on the zebra crossing.

pushing people while boarding public transportation. what is even worse is: THOSE F**KING PERVERTS WHO TAKE ADVANTAGE of the congested situation to sexually harass people. among the people with no manners they are the worse, as they see females as nothing but sexual objects. the lowest of low, they don't even qualify to be categorised as living beings.

the LRT for example, even though there is a box indicating where passengers should line up. unless there is an officer around, like hell they care, these inconsiderate Malaysians. brainless as they are!! if passengers can't get off the train, what makes you think you can get on? even when i was in the London underground, people weren't that bad, they allowed you to get off first before getting on!!

mentality. a friend told me, while waiting for this person to vacate his parking lot, he was sitting in his car eating an ice cream! if you are going to eat an ice cream, then do it somewhere else, not in the parking lot, misleading people into thinking that you are going to vacate now, instead of when you are done.

eating at crowded places, we get those inconsiderate people, who take their own time to eat... fine, the benefit of the doubt is yours, maybe you just eat slow. but when there are people standing behind you, waiting for you to vacate, then please don't sit down there and chat. and the same goes to the people who are waiting, unless the person hogging the table, is doing exactly that, hogging, please don't give them death stares, just patiently and nicely wait for them to finish eating.

there are so many to mention that i would get an endless list..

but it really makes me wonder... what is wrong with the Malaysian mentality????? i noticed the ones that do seem to be somewhat polite, are especially those who have been overseas. that's not to say that everyone who has studied overseas came back polite or that you need to go overseas to learn your manners... only some of those who went overseas picked up the good habits from the westerners, mind you. there are still plenty that are rude... well maybe not as rude.. but still.....

what should we do to improve our manners?

i would say start at home... but then again, if you have rude parents.. i don't imagine the kids being polite.... schools can only teach so much.....

i really despise people like that, no respect and no manners. although we are all not perfect in learning manners and respect, at least don't press the horn on your car when i'm leading a blind man across the road. it's not my fault that the pedestrian signal only gives the blind man 20 seconds to cross the road..

it doesn't help that people are coming the other way blocking our path, plus not to mention some idiotic drivers who stop their cars on the zebra crossing!!

-Oracl3-

Temmedes (long brown hair) and Matia (black hair)

..Recently I read a manga called The Legend of Nereid, it was drawn by a Korean mangaka, and it was really interesting, if you are into shoujo like me, I bet you will like it too.

The story is based in ancient Greece, before the birth of democracy, and the era of kings (and of nobles and slaves), where oracles were more often than not sought out, and their prophecies followed...

Due to the current Queen, whose son was foretold to fail to ascend the throne, the Queen forced the greatest oracle of the kingdom to tell a lie under duress, which turned out later....

To be the truth... that lie caused the wheel of fate to move....

Thus the life of a 15 year old girl changes, where she is sought of as the warrior of the ocean who will bring the downfall of their kingdom. (She has such a huge bounty on her head, that she even claims she will turn herself in, if it wasn't her.. haha..)

Of course what is a shoujo manga if there are no bishounens (good looking guys) who just had to fall wholly & totally in love with the heroine?.. I guess the reason I really love shoujo manga is the fact that there are bishounens who understands and are so damn, wholly & totally in love with the heroine, (guess that's why I'm still single haha), but I digress
...

Back to the topic.. how is a mere 15 year old girl, going to bring the downfall of the country from it's very roots? Simple, by allowing the enemy to play on their fear of the prophecy.

Whether it was preordained as destiny, or whether it was mere coincidence, the little girl, called Matia, fell into the hands of the prince (named Tyon) from the opposition kingdom, who fell in love with her and took her way. (His initial plan was to just use her...)

Leaving behind a devastated general (called Temmedes) whose love for her (she loved him back, by the way..) was not enough to fight his traditional upbringing of being loyal to his king and country above all else.

The prince, I must say, is one angsty brat with issues (and different sexual preferences, being homosexual is fine with me, but incest as well?? What a story..), but because he fell in love with Matia, he slowly changed. But for a 17 year old boy, he is one ambitious kid, thus using the fear of the prophecy against Matia's country, he waged war. Marching to the battle fields with her by his side, though all she did was sit on the horse, the mere sight of her, caused panic to spread through her country's soldiers.. The warrior of the ocean who will bring their downfall...

Psychological warfare...

It became a battle of the wits, and in the end General Temmedes,(who doesn't believe in prophecies, and whom actually believes that they are the real cause of chaos, in which I couldn't agree more too..) for the sake of his country (actually he was already brandished as a traitor by the king and sent to be a slave.. that's why i didn't type "for the sake of his king and country") decided to slay Matia by his own hands...

Aaaah the drama of it all, with her death, apparently his soul died with her, and he became cold and heartless, (no longer the kind & compassionate man he was) with his only intention of living on, is so that the people would not suffer, as he is a capable general, the best in the country..

As the king was to tied up protecting the capital, the other nobles sought Temmedes for his help to protect the other parts of the country where the king had abandoned, and thus his domain grew....

Well I really wonder, does everyone get a second chance in love and life? After 3 years, upon an invitation of an acquaintance to visit a harbour, a totally peculiar harbour which was unlike any part of the country, the general followed his friend, only to meet democracy and the woman to whom he lost his soul too...

Apparently Matia has forgotten everything, and is just imparting what she had learnt as a child from her teacher, to the people i.e. don't let others control you, live as you are, respect because you want to, not because you are forced too...
(slaves were forced to respect and serve their masters... her teachings go against that.. her teachings say that, respect the nobles because they deserved to be respected, not because they oppress you into respecting them)

Those thoughts are practically considered heresy during that era, (what with nobles and slaves) and would have caused her to be sentenced to death, yet she preached, and in the end met her general again, but because he had "killed" her, he couldn't face her..

aah more drama... in actual fact thanks to her teacher on the island she grew up with, who was a prophet as well, whom had told her not to hate.. she really doesn't hate the general, she actually thanks him for killing her, because then, she is no longer a monster (feared by the people because of the prophecy.. and treated like one... she hates war, and the mindless killings).

But Temmedes will never forgive himself, who wouldn't? Imagine that for the sake of your country's sovereign you had to slay the person you loved the most in the whole world, and the worst part is that, you can't follow her yet, because you can't be selfish as more people need you.

He slayed her for the morality of his country's army, and he couldn't follow her in death as he needed to continue to defend his country... He had to slay one person to save hundreds of thousands, which would you have chose? It's a very difficult decision, my head will say "kill her", while my heart will say "no"....

If I were in his shoes.. I would definitely never forgive myself.. It would be so painful having to live everyday, my only consolation was that, I killed my loved one, not someone else... but can that really be a consolation? It's amazing that the general didn't go mad with grief, being brought up to always think with his head first rather than to listen to his heart.. He is a strong man..

I pity him, really, even the pain is unimaginable for me.... especially so, since this mangaka has made them out to be soul mates, that makes it even more painful don't you think? Even though she understood why he had to kill her, even though she knew that when the time comes, he would choose the country over her, even though she let him kill her, even though she forgives him, the pain is still too much to bear.. I really am an empath to empathise so much with that general... =.=

But it's good that he chose to live, (he gets to meet her again...) the army from the opposing country was going to march into that harbour... Destiny has given him another chance, to lead an army and fight against the opposing army and save the country, or to head to the burning town to save Matia...

What does the general do this time? He finally decides to go against his upbringing, and do something unlike his class, he followed his heart, and abandoned his rationality.. Lucky for him due to a twist of fate, of Matia meeting Prince Tyon again, the troops were drawn out, and all they had to do was fight off the bandits and pirates, and save the burning town...

But as most shoujo manga goes, it had a happy ending, (though the mangaka left it a bit open, but we know they are together again..) another thing that I love about shoujo mangas.

oh, and the prophecy did come true, she destroyed the kingdom from the roots... in a peaceful manner, by teaching people about democracy and voting for their leaders... :p


Due to this manga, I remembered the significance of the psychological state of people's mind...
You can tell a lot about another person, from the way they dress, the way they talk, the way they interact, the way they write etc.

[*Actually honestly, this was another topic started due to my chat with my mother.... again over lunch... it started with my dog being manja when he hurt himself last month, and i said there's nothing wrong with that, usually he, like children, only come running when there is something wrong*]

It made me think back to my childhood, I always fell ill as a child, and well when a child is unwell naturally she seeks attention, I mean what do you want a child to do.. This resulted in me being called manja (clingy/spoilt) by my parents...

Please don't ever do that to your child. Your child will turn out like me, (that is, unless your child really is spoilt, then I have nothing to say) I won't voice out if I need help, if I'm really sick and if I need help, I won't voice it... Maybe in the end when I really can't take it any more than I'll voice it, but more often than not, if that was the case, it could have gotten serious.. (Although now I'm learning how/trying to voice it out, like if I really need to see a doctor when I'm ill.. sometimes my parents can be kind of heartless you know...haha)

Just like the case where I fell down the stairs in Taylor's during my Pre-U, it really hurt like hell, though I knew Gene was in the vicinity, I didn't call him for help, I just got up and forced myself to get to the bus stop by myself, (about 100 metres away, and down 2 flight of stairs, and i had to rush to boot as the bus was coming in about 15 minutes time...) and although I showed some pain, I'll say I'm fine, it's only a little pain (that's how I've become, unaccustomed to people showing concern so i brush them off)... it was a torn ligament... go figure... well i even have an uncle lecturing in the same college, and i didn't even think to call him.. i just got up and pushed myself to go...

you know i don't call that manja at all, if my leg hurts and i'm going down the stairs slowly and i wince in pain, I'm not asking for attention. Manja is where with every step, i whimper, or make a sound, or want a person to carry me haha etc. that's what i call manja..

i mean it really does hurt, why don't you try to tear your ligament and walk down the stairs normally without expression! it would be nice, and make me feel loved if you would give me a hand though.. but some people just don't do that (well Michelle did, thank god for friends...) i didn't even mention it to her, or anyone, and only when my family and all saw me limping did they ask what happen, only to be answered by a brusque, "i fell down the stairs" it would have been nice if someone had helped me onto the sofa and got me an ice pack... but i did that all on my own.. these people have no compassion towards me...

When my house got broken into, also in my Pre-U year, I didn't tell anyone, but as my sister had to leave me alone in a house that couldn't be locked anymore to make a police report, she wanted me to stay with a friend, being that scared, it's amazing i could still think, and i started to eliminate those who were unavailable and whom had no cars.. Gene was out, because he was in class (I know that one for a fact), ccy... well he was in the USA, and we weren't close that time.. I wasn't close to Rowan, all i had was yee sin and yew meng.. i called yee sin since he is the nearest, but he was busy, with his girlfriend no doubt =.=

so all that was left was to call meng, who, amazingly, walked all the way to my house instead of taking a cab =.=' oh well, at least there was someone there for me.. and after that, i didn't mention it to anyone..

Surprised? one would think that with my character, i would immediately tell people, but that's my true character, when it comes to something serious concerning me, either you be the lucky one i call upon, figure it out, or forever hold your peace..

when it came down to projects, I didn't ask for much help, i only asked my dad to help me do the on-line research, since we didn't have broadband then, and i couldn't print as much as i would like, but i did the rest myself.. i did all my projects by myself and handed them all in, i never consulted my dad unlike my brother...

until my dad complained that i don't let him read my work... i don't need him to, i can do it all by myself... that's one of the reason i get annoyed with others, because if i can do it on my own, i don't see the reason why others need someone to consult in every small little thing, i mean for heaven's sake, draft your own questionnaire!

some may say that it's endurance (忍- endure, a knife in your heart) some may say it's independence, and it's all good, I say it may be good, but it's also bad...

when I was younger, due to the fact that I was called manja so much, that when I didn't feel well, I didn't say a word, and just went to bed, no one even took notice, until the next day when it turned out that I was suffering from a high fever... Then only did it cause an uproar, with the fear that i might have contracted denggi, for a child who falls ill every month, that was indeed a cause for concern, don't you think? haha... luckily or maybe unluckily it wasn't denggi fever...

There were many other instances to mention, all because of that fear, I keep it all in.. As a child, you don't want to be hated, it's natural, you try to please as much as possible, and more often than not, this trait carries on to adult hood...

I guess it really shows independence, but humans were made to depend on each other, people trust each other and depend on each other...
*I really didn't want to be hated, being a child which wasn't really wanted to start with... I guess that's why I stuck to her too much, I didn't want her to hate me, I was always trying to be a good girl to please her.. but that's all in the past... at least he wanted me, that's why I'm here... Even though it's in the past, the effects still linger, though thank god I possess a rational mind, and I understand, so I don't hold anything against anyone, but it hurts when I think of it that way, though I do know that I'm loved, but depression just tends to do that to you I guess, no matter how positive things are, if you give in to depression and only look at the negative things, ignoring the positive things, that very well spells your end....*
You know, a lot of family and friends of suicide victims always say that they are surprised, they didn't expect it, the victim was always a bright and cheerful child.. But the truth is, it's not like that..

Most people ignore depressed people, so these people wear a mask, they show the world they are happy, but deep inside they are sad, they have thoughts of dying or killing themselves. some go so far as to actually injure themselves...

Trust me, they have tried to tell others about it, but they get cut off by people telling them, don't be silly, don't say such things, i don't want to hear such things etc. till they reach a point where they don't trust anyone anymore, and won't say anything, even if there is finally someone who is willing to listen... the wound would have already been cut to deep to heal...

In the end they just wear their mask and smile and keep it all in till they break one day and finally commit suicide... then all these people who wouldn't listen will come out and say.. but he was always happy... it's a sad revelation, really.. that people don't take depression seriously, it's a very deadly ailment, though some may be strong willed to go on fighting it, (it's like being thrown into a deep pit, and trying to crawl your way out) but there are those who succumb when the trigger is pulled...

all they need is for someone to light the fuse and let it run, till the big explosion comes.. so watch out for friends and families, studies have shown that suicide victims will try to talk, it's just that no one listens or takes them seriously...

-Oracl3-


Don't worry, I'm not about to go commit harakiri or jump off the petronas twin towers...*yet*
i'll just go cuddle with my baby in bed :p it's just a thought which i thought was worth mentioning, as this area of the human mind seems to be considered taboo as no one wants to speak about it, but that is the cause of death. there's nothing to be ashamed or scared if you suffer from depression, you should seek help (i know it's soooooo damn easy to say, than do...)

but at least, even if you are alone, don't give up hope... no matter how dark the world seems, the sun will come out from behind the cloud soon enough... *I hope...*