Grief  

grief |griːf|
noun [ mass noun ]
1 intense sorrow, especially caused by someone's death: she was overcome with grief.
• [ count noun ] an instance or cause of intense sorrow: time heals griefs and quarrels.
2 informal trouble or annoyance: the police gave us constant grief at the match.

Going through grief and/or dealing with someone who is going through grief is never an easy thing. 

Grief doesn't go away in a day or two, or a few weeks or a few months, it can last for years, so a lot of time, love and patience is needed when dealing with someone who is going through grief.

Yet it is amazing how little people know about grief, even when they have experienced it themselves. Even when information is so easily available on the internet now.

So, while I'm sincerely thankful that you are all willing to put up with me in my most difficult time, but to spare (mostly) me any further grief by people who do not know how to deal with people going through grief aka me and are too lazy to google anything (or are not practicing what they have read), please note this few summarized points.

1. While I understand that you are busy and that you have your own life to lead, please note that if you don't have the time, love or patience to deal with someone going through grief, then please avoid people who are grieving. While you may have good intentions, dealing with someone who is going through grief, requires a lot of time, love and patience. It's not either one, you need all three.
   
2. I need to cry, so let me cry. Don't tell me to stop crying. Don't change the subject when I cry. If I could stop crying, I would have already done so.
   
3. Don't tell me "I know" and/or "I understand". Frankly, I don't know what you know, and I don't understand what you understand. These is one of the worse things you can say to a grieving person. Even if you have lost someone or something precious to you before, you do not know or understand anything about my feelings. So please, please stop saying that.
   
4. When I am talking about why I feel so aggrieved (aka my feelings), even if I do sound like a broken recorder. Please just listen to me. While I appreciate it, I really don't need any suggestions, inputs, or to hear about your feelings or experience because I'm the one that is supposed to be consoled, not the other way around.
   
5. If you wish to offer a hug, do not hug me without prior notice. You will seem like you are attacking me not comforting me.
   
6. Telling me to "move on", "let it go","get a new dog" etc., feels like you are belittling my feelings. Please stop saying that. I will move on when I'm ready, I will probably never let him go, and I will probably never get a new dog.
   
7. All I need is your presence, you don't have to say anything or do anything special. Just stay by my side, cry with me if you will, but in essence that's all I need

It's funny how all of us are seemingly taught to deal with grief. Is grief so shameful that all of us have to act like it does not exist? That we should not talk about it? 

A new found friend's grandfather had recently passed away, and before I could even try to console him, or offer him my ear or shoulder, he switched the subject, as if his grief was nothing of importance. 

Why do we do this? People should not need to hide their grief and people should not shun those who are grieving or act like they don't know that person is grieving. 

I'm not saying that we should baby a grieving person, a normal as possible semblance of life would be good, but the grieving person needs to know that if he/she needs it, he/she can just cry freely, talk about their grief freely and not be judged.

That said, I do appreciate the people that have tried to check in with me from time to time despite their busy schedule. They took some time out of their busy schedule to think about me. It helps a little and makes me feel like there are still people who care.

Because seriously, did you know, that just waking up each morning, and getting out of bed is already an achievement? Making sure I eat, keep warm stay clean and don't fall sick is already another huge achievement. 

While it seems like normal things people do daily, for someone who is grieving (also for people suffering from depression), all these are huge achievements, which we try to do everyday. 

Getting out of the house, meeting people, trying not to cry the whole day, or to cry for that one day - all these are huge achievements. 

Trying to regain a normal semblance of life - is a huge achievement. 

Trying to tell people that your precious is no longer here and hold your tears back, is a huge achievement.

But trying to upkeep all these achievements everyday, is tiring, and that's when I need you the most to anchor me down, so that I don't feel tempted to follow my dragon to the heavens,

*This was a scheduled post, and was written before 16 October 2015, hence the reason why it still sounds so upbeat. I've amended it a little only to reflect the current situation, but left almost all of it as initially drafted.*

I just realized, but 31 October 2015, marks the 10th Anniversary of my blog. 10 years!

What a long way I have come, since then.

I apparently started this blog on 31st October 2005, whilst I was in my first year of Law School / University.

(I know for a fact that I meddled with the date of the first post, so this blog's actual birthday is either before or after that date, but I can't remember the exact date - so let's all just forget bout that technicality here lol) 

The design of this blog is thanks to ccymie who kindly designed the current outline of the blog in 2007 according to my specifications, and I have not been inclined to change the design at all all this years. (Though if and when he has the time I may need some help with some html codes on the sidebar for outdated apps.)

The theme for the blog, being "Flow" where I chose water as the main premise, since water is ever changing, and conforms to whatever container you put it in; it can be gentle and it can be cruel; it's unpredictable. 

Which, is in line with this blog's main focus of being unable to see what the future will bring us i.e. I still stay by the theme of this blog that the 'future is unpredictable'; and that the 'fight to rise once again' is till ongoing as a daily battle. But that's a different story for maybe another day, and/or different audience.

While due to work commitments I had became less active over the years in posting anything at all.

Since I rather spend my spare time catching up on my sleep or other things than racking my brains thinking about posting anything. I've honestly also become more reserved about what I want to share online with people who know me, and what I would like to share with strangers, if any, do read what I write.

I also went through a lot career wise. My direct superior and senior left the team at the same time i.e. in April 2011, forcing a 3 man team into a 1 man team, with the same amount of workload, if not more. Hence the lack of posts from that duration on wards. I did write intermittently during that tough time, so maybe I will retrieve what I wrote and post them later. Those will be backdated though, I think..

And also due to some ex acquaintances, who for a lack of a better word were nosy, stalking, gossip mongers, I had for many years made this blog only available for private viewing - it's public again now, and if you don't like what I post then just don't read or follow this blog.

(I'm in a position now where I seriously don't give a damn about your opinions. It's not like you are losing anything financially or your quality of life by what I post here. So don't waste your time reading something you don't like. i.e. No one is forcing you to read my mindless and lengthy ramblings...)

I did skim through my posts from this past 10 years and all I can say is that, the me of the past 10 years, rambles a lot, curses a lot , procrastinates a lot (I probably still do all three a lot?), has a weird sense of humour(?), freaks out a lot close to exams, took a lot of random online quizzes, and again... Rambles a lot.. Ahh, those were the days... 

Amongst my favourite posts from the past that I found during my skimming - be wary of Manglish - I had this habit of not checking what I wrote for grammatical/spelling errors, and used SMS spellings all the time as well:
Poems I wrote: here, here, here, & here.
Me freaking out over my revenue law assignment
Mother's Day in May 2008
Me Freaking out before the CLP/Malaysian Bar Exam lol
Sister's Birthday Card in August 2008
Precious in his Younger Years in August 2008
My Singaporean Cousin, who is the first to classify my alien-ism as an Amoeba, lol

Anyway besides all the random ramblings, whining, complaints, weird posts.. etc..  (I actually read Shakespeare.. Such a nerd! lol) I apparently live a very uninteresting life, since all I do is work; I don't hold interests in things long enough usually (read: short attention span.. lol..), and I'm apathetic to almost everything that won't cause me or people/things/other living beings, I care about, any financial, physical or psychological harm. I guess overall, I am just not that attached to this world.

But I digress... Back to the topic at hand...

This Blog's 10th Anniversary!!

~~

Well, in this year of 2015, to be more precise 31 October 2015 (darn forgot those html codes to make the words blink =.='), 10 years has come to pass since this blog officially had it's humble beginnings...  

So.... After 10 years..... What's different? Besides the recent loss of Baby (which I will not address further here).

I've started a new chapter of my life, since as of 1 April 2015, for a duration of one year I was stationed in the land of the rising sun.  In a so-called secondment by my firm to work as an assistant professor in a certain university here.

After this stint i.e. in April 2016 I'll be going back home; don't get me wrong, while I love Japan, I don't love living here for the long term due to various reasons that I decline to mention in this post, or it will be never ending.

All I can say is that after Japan, I will need to seriously rethink my future, do I want to keep slaving away at my current law firm, or review other options? (Which are all probably in-house options.)

One thing I can say for sure is that in 2005 when I started law school, I knew I wanted to be a lawyer, and I never considered being a lecturer. So I didn't bother with a LL.M.  (that's the minimum educational requirement to be a lecturer - besides my bar school offered an LL.M from some Australian University that I've never heard of till this day). 

I did consider doing a masters, maybe a LL.M or MBA, since it seemed it might be better for the corporate world, if you hold a directorship or something, (your profile would look a little nicer in the prospectus lol) it could be advantageous, but I've met some lawyers who don't hold any masters at all, and they are doing fine... So I digress...

Anyway back to the topic at hand, now 10 years after the start of law school, I spent about 7 years of that being a corporate lawyer and now I'm an assistant professor at a Japanese University, in Japan obviously, and I must say, to be frank, I still cannot imagine myself in the teaching profession. 

I rather be out there as a lawyer or an in-house counsel. I honestly prefer drafting/reviewing contracts to preparing power points. Talking to clients than to students. You could say I've rediscovered my love for drafting here. 

Maybe I'm still considered young; maybe I like the corporate world better than the academic world; maybe I'm too used to what I have in the corporate world that moving to the academic world seems like something I can't get accustomed to; or maybe it's a case of who moved my cheese. 

The corporate world isn't all rainbows, chocolates, roses, puppies or sunshine either, the long hours I spend slaving away, dealing with crazy people etc. The toll on my health... Both physical and psychologically... But I think in my personal view that it's more challenging and interesting as compared to where I am now. 

Maybe I'm not being utilized to my full potential here at the university, so I feel this way, but I digress, that is a can of "what ifs" that I will probably never have the chance the open in this lifetime.  

Or maybe, if I ever do fall in love, get married and ever have kids, maybe.... Just maybe.... I will find what I have now more appealing....

So here's to another 10 years! To the future where I hope that this blog and/or I'm still around then, or that still remember about this blog and will post something. Cheers!

-サヤカ-

How does one let go?

I think it's been almost more than a decade, and the thoughts still plague me from time to time.

How does one let go and move on?


-サヤカ-

i haven't posted anything here since 2011, and when i decided to retrieve some links i saved on this blog, i noticed that i have 3 posts about linked in, something about pending notifications and crap like that.. what the fuck? since when did linked in get permission to use my blog to post any damn thing??? arghhh.... stupidity...

that's why the  digital world is such a pain sometimes.. sigh

-Oracl3-

excuse me? since you acknowledge that i have more work, then increase my pay!

also, i may not have been doing your work, but believe it or not, i was still working on the road, using my own phone bill.. 400 km away from the office and i'm still working! i am so going to claim from the office!

increase my pay first before you talk so much!

i was reviewing documents and checking the law on my phone, and advising my colleague on what to reply to the client.... so, saying i can't up and go like that... if i happened to be hospitalised (touch wood), what are you going to do?? is there no one else that can do my work? sheesh not like you can't replace me right? well brace yourself, with this type of attitude and monkey pay, don't expect me to stick around long.. start looking for a replacement dude!

irritating me seems to be your forte

-サヤカ-

Hmm~ since I......

1. just felt like it....
2. have stuff to do..... but.....
3. am.... as usual... procrastinating....
4. am dropping a lot of hair?? according to my dad's testimony..... (F!! going bald???? noooo..... must look pretty for my precious... hahah though i think he could care less how i look as long as i continue to smell like his mommy haha)
5. feel bored..... even though....
6. have stuff to do...... (tons of it actually... all the backlog.. sigh...)
7. need to unpack some stuff..... that were packed up during the renovation......
8. need to do some cleaning around here.... place is a mess.....
9. need to finish the speed reading for dummies book hahaha.. (ironically, i'm making such slow process hahaha)
10. haven't exercised for weeks.... and am eating a lot..... (honestly, just yesterday i had a slice of bread then followed by nasi lemak for breakfast... then one and a half bowl of lat chiu pan mee for lunch, followed by a huge ass apple for tea.... then for dinner i had pineapple fried rice with prawn, and a lemon pie for dessert..... OMG!!!!!)
11. think I might be getting fat... =.='
12. need to exercise.... maybe next friday, if everyone else is haha...
13. am trying out a new writing style? haha randomly crapping this...
14. have a very short temper... (apparently it's better now, am still trying to contain it...)
15. can get quite rude... especially when i'm not happy... (trying to control though.... cause manners are essential...)
16. like to socialise... although that depends on my mood, and finances.....
17. hate cigarette smoke, and everything similar and/or associated to it....
18. love my little precious.....
19. know it's a real pain to you (hey, honestly, sometimes it is to me as well...)... but i would still like to say that, if i nag you... it means i care.... (hang out too much with my parents and the bad habits get to you haha) and i like you... so the more i nag, the more i care.... i know it's irritating, and i try to cut down.. but hey, that's the way i care for people.. i show concern and worry... for your well-being, your life, your happiness, your work (if possible).... love me, love my dog... that's just how i am.... if i didn't care for you.. i could care less if you drove like a maniac, or if you'd gotten better from your fever... i take care of people, that's just how i am, i've been like that since i was a kid....
20. don't know why, but I can be quite compassionate and civil.... (i think sometimes too much..) which in a sense makes me naïve.... (honestly i've had times i wished i wasn't like that... people just take advantage of you, and with the current security, it's dangerous to be altruistic or nice) sigh.... need to watch my back more....
21. was brought up to be quite polite and well mannered... (you know, respect your elders , giving up your seat for them.... and stuff like that... you would think this is basic, but surprisingly, through observation, i've noticed that is not so, not many people are gentlemenly or well mannered anymore...)
22. think i've quite a lot of friends, and i try to balance out, and keep in touch with them all... (gemini's are social butterflies?) but without much avail.. it takes two hands to clap.. and apparently i'm not good/fun/nice enough for some people to make the effort to keep in touch with.. sigh... (it's irritating when they suddenly come up to you as if you owed them something in your previous life time to do something for them now, when all this while, they didn't even bother to contact you, or weren't always close to you... and best part? I can't say no, cause i like helping people... to a certain extent, as long as it doesn't trouble me too much...)
23. try really hard but sometimes, or most of the time still fail to tolerate people who don't even have the basics of most basics common sense, delicacy, and courtesy....
24. may be sympathetic, but not when i think you REALLY deserve it (yes, unfortunately or otherwise, i still do get sympathetic even though you deserved it), or when you are making a mountain out of a mole hill...
25. believe that whenever possible people should solve their own problems or at least try first, before using the easy way out of bugging people.... especially people who you never bothered with all this while... (hey unless i am in desperation, i do most of my stuff myself... or at least i try!!) you want something? go get it yourself first.... if you fail then only ask for help... (though there are certain exceptions... =.=')
26. usually am accidentally sarcastic...
27. don't really know how to be sarcastic on purpose.... honestly.... scouts honour...
28. like to do volunteer work... although helping teenagers and youths isn't really my favourite thing anymore.... because....
29. think that the younger generation are even more spoilt than me... and very rude, lacking self respect, team work ane leadership.... that it feels horrible..... and exasperating...
30. am in shock, cause i thought i was already badly spoilt, but as my driving instructor said to me, there are those worse than you??? not sure if that is really comforting.... or sad....
31. don't really like children.... i find them so spoilt now a days... all with their electronic games, i mean, whatever happened to good old hop-scotch, or police and thief.....??
32. also don't like clingy and attention seeking people..... (could be the reason why i don't really like kids...)
33. believe that life is always with it's exceptions, just because someone says he is afraid of heights doesn't mean that he won't board an aeroplane.. or build up the courage to go rock climbing.... there are exceptions... don't take things so literally people!!
34. don't like physical contact without my approval, or by people i'm not comfortable with.. although i don't mind greetings... but either than that... would prefer if people don's simply touch me (i.e. put their hand over my shoulder etc... if i want to hold hands or whatever, i will hold...)
35. have a different sort of mentality from other people.... it's kinda weird.... hahaha
36. i believe that's what makes me act older than my age sometimes.... (i do try to act my age, and like a normal person from society...)
37. don't believe that we have to conform so much to society 100% of the time... a little bit is fine... just enough to live peacefully...rules of society needs to be changed.... to adapt to modern times...
38. believe that I am my own individual.... and that my freedom is my own... (within the legal sense though... i don't want to go to prison for nonsense.... although they say it's better to be hanged as a sheep than a lamb.. either way, I don't want to get hanged ahahah)
39. believe that one should speak up when wronged.. just explain... people are not telepathic. if you don't say anything, they are NEVER going to get it. NEVER!!!!! that's why, although unnecessary, I explain.... and fight back whenever you make stupid comments about me doing things i didn't do... (i may be blur, but an argument where you are insistent on using one sentence, and one sentence only, does not hold far to me, and makes me annoyed... if i did it, and can't remember i did, prove it... cause if i remember doing it, i will admit it...)
40. know my own weaknesses, am still trying to discover more and change....
41. talk a lot, write a lot... express alot..... whether good or bad....
42. believes that people change everyday, my opinion today may change tomorrow, cause i am growing everyday, within the last 24 hours i could have gotten my hands on new information that could change the way i think... is it that hard to accept???? you don't expect people to be saying the same thing 10 years down the line do you?? sheesh!!
43. have heard a few people said that i'm strong.... honestly i don't really think i am.. i think it's more of being independent.. cause you know you can't rely on anyone but yourself.... it's like when you have to go overseas to study, no family, and you are on your own.... so by hook or by crook, you have to persevere and take care of yourself... it's being independant....
44. can be quite stingy and calculative hahaha... (hey, a girl's got to save for a rainy day... i try not to be so calculative though hahaha)
45. complain a lot... and repeatedly, bout things/people/alien/events/items I don't like..... (bad habit that i'm trying to change.. sigh..... but i just can't help ranting!!!!!!)
46. don't mind listening to gossip about people that I know, but don't expect me to repeat what I've heard... (I do my best not to repeat incriminating things.... about people I care about...)
47. am very tired.... about everything.....
48. am trying to overcome my fears....
49. believe that family is essential.... (i happen to come from a loving family... that's why)
50. good friends are even more essential... nothing beats seeing a bunch of people who you can unwind, relax, chat and have fun with... whom you know cares, and will take care of you if you ever need them too.... and you would willingly do the same for them.... (am still trying to increase friends like these XD)
51. like music without knowing who the composer/musician/artist/song titile is most of the time, so don't ask me if i've heard so-and-so's song.. just play the damned song..... i will know it if i've heard it before.... (haha i know some of you are exasperated with me due to this haha..)
52. do the same things for movies...
53. really couldn't be bothered about news of people that don't or won't in anyway affect my life, so which celebrity is doing what.... i really don't care....
54. don't know my actors, so again, don't ask me if i've seen so-and-so's latest movie... chances are slim that I may know who the hell you are talking about.... I can't even remember movie titles.. what more actor names.... (I may remember names of my sister's favourite actor or stuff like that....)
55. like to watch series which are filled with mystery, criminal investigations, and/or fantasy....
56. like vampire stories?? although i would really prefer if it was well written or directed...
57. love to eat good food... am a sort of epicure? (but not for those really expensive foods though... am not that rich to splurge on abalone and stuff....)
58. have a sense of direction, that is not very good.... but i have one...
59. can read maps without having to turn the stupid thing 360 degrees every few seconds...
60. have a vivid imagination??
61. don't like hot weather... it breeds mosquitoes, and you feel all sticky and sweaty, and uncomfortable, it absorbs the strength out of you...
62. love cold weather, autmmn/spring/winter... bring it on...
63. like to wear coats actually ahhaha....
64. can't really stand the cold though i love it....
65. somehow get along better with guys than girls... although lately there has been some improvement.... (hey, I've been trying with some success okay....)
66. am not so tomboyish anymore? haha...
67. suspect my macintosh hangs when it gets too hot... (then again, what appliance doesn't??? but it's also the internet provider's fault... sigh)
68. love cuddly, cute, furry animals..
69. love music, playing and listening and singing it (although admittedly, I'm not the best musician around, still looking to loan a guitar tuner, to tune the guitar.. me tone deaf =.=')

sometimes there are rude people, and sometimes there are rude people...

i think i'm too nice sometimes for my own good...

a little background before the (crazy long) rant, and no, i'm not trying to brag or anything...

i'm a lawyer, freshly called to the bar last september, therefore making me a noob lawyer, i've still got about 5 months or less, before i even hit the first year mark.... so i've been sent by my firm to this company to conduct a due diligence (it's like auditing, but i don't look at numbers but documents such as minutes, forms, resolutions, agreements etc)..

during the course of my due diligence, i noticed a number of discrepancies and missing documents (minutes, resolutions, forms), mind you, i'm on a tight schedule here. so i had to waste almost 3 hours of my precious time drawing up a list for the company secretary (short form coseq - who by right usually holds said documents), with a note that it is URGENT!

no word from her, so the director being the nice man that he is, he called her to ask what is the delay, since we have a deadline and i need the documents, she requested to speak to me. okay fine... she asked me to go to the companies commission (we call it CCM here - it's the regulatory body, where we usually send a copy of the company's documents to for their records) to do a due diligence (DD) there...

internally "WHAT??", so i asked her nicely, why can't she send the documents to me, and she kept telling me to go to CCM. i told her, we have a tight deadline, i don't have time to waste there. why can't you get me all the documents... with that the director took back the phone and started scolding her, before hanging up.

next the coseq called my office requesting i call her, as i was not in the office (i was at that company remember?) my secretary mailed me... ok.. the next morning ie this morning i called her... and she starts saying things like.. she doesn't understand what is wrong with me, why am i so unprofessional.. first time she has met a lawyer who refuses to conduct a DD at CCM... and she doesn't care what happens to the company, if they get questioned by the Securities Commission for not disclosing stuff... bla bla bla... i was baffled and very WTF!

hello? the first thing after i introduced myself you start off with that line? you as the coseq should have these documents, i am on a tight schedule i don't have time to waste going to CCM and be printing out the documents one by one... page by page...

but i was too nice... i told her... rather asked her... why can't she get it from me, and it's not that i'm refusing to go there to do DD, but i'm on a tight schedule, since you have the documents just send them to me..

then she goes on again bout me being unprofessional and not understanding why i won't do DD at CCM when other lawyers do that.. err... as far as i know.. no lawyers i know of goes there for DD, unless under special circumstances...

she goes on and on.. wasting my phone bill about that.. and so i asked her... (in an impatient voice but still quite nice if you asked me compared to her) why can't she just send me the documents, why must i go to CCM. and i told her when is my deadline, and told her to understand.. i really have no time!!!!!

then she asked me why was the timeline set as such ie so tightly... i was really at the brink of going !@£$%^&*

hello, you are the coseq, you should know what is going on right????? ok fine, maybe the director didn't tell you,... so i told her the reason.. and she was like ooh... and she still told me to go do DD at CCM!!! which part of deadline did she not understand?
sigh.. for one she sounded more agitated than me.. so i got pissed..
i asked her to calm down and tell me what's the problem... why is she being so damn agitated for???!! does she not have the documents..???!!!

then she tells me.. she doesn't... it was confiscated or something... and i was like "WTF!!????" you could have told me that earlier.. 10 minutes of you calling me unprofessional and all, wasting my phone bill while you were at it and you tell me that you don't have the documents.. so i told her, if that's the case then you should have told me, cause it will be useless and a waste of my time pressing you for documents you don't have and i will have to consider getting someone to CCM to get the damned documents... (i will discuss that with my senior, since this would take time and money)

arghh so irritating... and then when she realised that i'm not as panicky or agitated as she might be attempting to make me, she starting saying things to cover her ass... she has done listing before, the directors of the company have not.. she knows what's going on bla bla.. and i was like yea yea... internally i was like "OMG"

and she told me not to tell the directors that she told me the documents were confiscated.... so i told the directors, that the coseq simply said she doesn't have them, then they told me that she moved office at least 5 times, apparently one time was because of a fire...she does things on her own without much or any support staff... and well.. this and that....

so i'm annoyed and on the fence, both sides don't seem to like each other very much, and the fact that she tries to cover her ass so much... and bringing the name of some big law firm in.... and well.. me wondering if what she told me holds a seed of truth, which i can only find out if i go to CCM (according to her) and me not sure whether the director and manager are telling me the truth.... well good for her... she's managed to sow the seed of doubt...

so yea... besides the fact that i've been stuck doing DD for 6 companies alone (3 were updates but still substantial, and my dispatch only collected the documents today) the other 3 i've to do from scratch and 2 of which have been around since 1992, meaning the minutes, resolutions etc that i've to take down are 18 years worth... doesn't help that the documents for the latter 3 are not really in order, the registers not updated (coseq responsibility you know.. who's not professional here?) i've been typing so much like a maniac that my fingers are numb, playing the piano was hard.. i think even professional pianists don't' get what i've got.. imagine them practising piano for... wait... i think some of them can do that.. i digress

also i did mention i'm a noob right? so i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do, and that makes me even slower... i've a tight deadline, a bunch of missing documents... documents which are not in order and everywhere.. a pain in the butt coseq... doubt sowed by the coseq, and i think the worst part is i'm alone! my SOS callls have gone unheeded... (no one is available to help me)

can i not get angry and depressed like this??

i'm at the client's place from 9am- to about 10pm everyday.. i only take a 15-20 min lunch break and go back to typing, and i can't finish it... damn i'm pissed!!!

not to mention that i don't have sufficient sample reports or anything to follow.. i'm not God ok? i need help! i've never done this before. i've no one to guide me. i've been practically thrown in the middle of the ocean when you know i can't swim, and i'm being expected to swim.. (in some sense when i look back, i will tell you that's the way to learn, and it makes you independent, but for now let me rant, i wouldn't rant that much if i was properly briefed on the technics to swim and stay afloat before being thrown in the ocean... doesn't matter that i don't have the practical, at least tell me the theory, that's how i work.. or give me sufficient samples.. i will look at it and use it as a guide.. or don't give me so much trouble.. lost documents, confiscated.. nothing in order... documents location unknown... wtf??) is this revenge or what???? arghhhhh.... i'm being hated...sigh =.='

anyway am going to bed, my firm works monday to friday, but because i have NO help, and am doing this ALONE with a Fucking tight schedule, I've to go to the client's company again tomorrow morning to continue my DD. and i'm actually going to thank god they work on saturdays.. hmmph.. and i get nothing except transportation claim (which i claim anyway) and food claim (yea like that's a lot)

and i also have to thank god that the manager is trusting me with all the important documents (i'm not being sarcastic, they are important) and allowing me to bring it home so i don't have to go all the way to their office which is a 40 minute drive from my home to do the DD..

oh yay.... FML

-サヤカ-

WARNING: RANT AHEAD! LOADS OF PROFANITY. STEER CLEAR IF YOU HAVE A PROFOUND ALLERGY OR DISLIKE FOR PROFANITIES.

I need to rant because I am no Buddha, it's normal for me to accumulate some negative karma, cause as I said, if I don't accumulate any, then I would be Buddha.

For those allergic to profanities but still curious.... As they say curiousity kills the cat, but since I feel a little nice today, I shall spare you.

This post is merely a rant on the stupid local authorities of my area, as they have asked us to take down the barricade and invite the theives back into my neighbourhood with open arms!

****

Due to those fucking selfish bastards who complained so much about the road closures at my residential area, the local authority has ordered us to remove the barricades within 14 days, or well.. I guess, we could be facing a criminal suit, since it will then be considered a public nuisance...

Feel so fucking pissed! You want to be real selfish? than un-barricade all the gated neighbourhoods now!! Why only mine?? Screw those fucking minions over, every single one of them stingy, self-centered bastards!! yeah, listen to the fucking minority for once, and screw over the majority when it suits you!

Obviously you can't keep everyone happy, but shouldn't you at least try to keep the majority happy? Logically, that's how a bloody society is supposed to work! By barricading the city, it's a mere traffic problem, without barricading it causes even more serious problems, it causes thefts, break-ins, property damage, maybe even rape, death or murder... Fucking brainless gits!

Draw a fucking list and weigh the pros and cons you idiots!

ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where is the fucking guidelines??? I want to read it and throw something at the bloody local authorities. they are already so fucking incompetent that they can't assure us our security, and now they won't let us protect ourselves.

What is fucking wrong with their fucking brains??!! Do they even have any??!!

First you fail to protect us, and now you won't let us protect ourselves???? we are like sheep waiting out in the open for the wolves to come and grab us! Fucking local authority, can we please vote the current government out, and get a proper government in?? one that ACTUALLY bothers about the safety of the people, of the rakyat...

Sheesh!! Brainless gits...

Rant over....

-Oracl3-

i think i'm more simple minded than i thought i am...

past few days, i've been a little emo bitch... (one can tell when i start eating sweet things i suppose.. well among other obvious factors that is....)

well, although i think today is the best i've been in the whole week? or two?

i guess what i need is good company... (good food is a bonus?) thanks dear XD
- second par lat chiu pan mee hahaha.. still tastes good with the right company :p but yes... kin kin... XD bila mau pegi?

had a good swim.. no muslce pains after!! i think a nice warm jaccuzzi and relaxing is the trick... i fell asleep in there.. hahah thanks nick :)

and yeah, to top it off, i think it would be even better if some people were to stop saying things which sounds to me like they are asking me to suck eggs....for these people.. sometimes, i feel like i'm on a different level, you know, the been there, done that level..... if you don't understand, then well try, before shooting your mouth... or just shut up, if you can't understand... how can one understand, when one knows nothing?? *shrugs* oh well, live and let live...

-Oracl3-

Since a few have been asking what is my new year resolution....

i'm tired of saying.. and getting looks of disbelief..... (so what if i'm young, but jaded) cause.. i don't make them, i mean if you want to make one, any time of the year is fine.. why at the new year? if companies could only make decisions / pass resolutions only at their AGMs.. die lor.... hence the reason they have EGMs and well board meetings and the other crap.... anyway.. since people asked.. i've seriously thought of it, and here it is...

this year?

i'm going to do my best to get rid / stay away from the fake, and take only the genuine...

and try to live...

that's it...

the new year's resolution... now stop bugging me...

-Oracl3-

P/s: edit: oh, and also un-blur myself....

The end of 2009, has come and gone, the beginning of 2010, is here... and well... it's just here..... we can't do anything about it....

it's just an excuse to eat and drink bla bla, yes, I'm jaded.... this is what life has done to me....

anyway, welcome to 2010 everyone, and good bye to 2009, and good riddance with that...

my last day of 2009 was filled with nothing but mishaps.. or rather, bad luck.... oh... i hate---d........ 2009... with passion.... well, to be honest the last day.... let's see what happened....

first the train was late... hmm that's a sign.. but oh well.... nevermind....

second i was expecting an email so that i can start my work early, finish it early, and fulfil my half day leave request....

bloody internet was down in the whole office, till at least 2 hours later... which meant that it would be impossible for me to leave at 1pm, the time i can leave since i had taken my half day leave... never mind... that's still swell....

happily away doing work, when..... with all honesty? i'm an idiotic git, I've no idea what happened, but i lost a good 2 hours of my work... i was seriously going WTF!!! and fucked up did i feel. felt so stupid for trusting the idiotic, retarded laptop, and not saving my work periodically...

i spent/wasted almost an hour, a god-damned hour, trying everything i know to get it back, but couldn't... i thus decided to breath, and resign myself to re-doing the work... thanks dear, and everyone else for hearing me curse and emo at my beloved office laptop..
(i think, it's taking revenge, cause i accidentally dropped it the other day.. eventhough there's no damage.... =.=' or so, i hope haha)

was really fucked up plus frustrated, cause try as i might, i could not get back the original muse of what i had written for the opinion, in which at that particular time, my muse was floating like....... ermm... well, smoothly.. and try as i might, i felt that what was reproduced was.... only second par... yes, was very unhappy, and very fucked up.... nevermind...

discovered firm will close at 3pm....... so.. since the document died on me, and i had to waste time, i was definitely going to be there till after 3, so emailed to cancel leave.. pointless to take something you can't, idiotic even....

nevermind...... i wanted to go to the bar council... then i found out, it bloody closed at 12!!! never mind!!!

i lost a button on my mobile, a button i frequently used...... so now the convenience is gone..... (breathes) nevermind!!!!

friends decided to go to i-city, nothing there, total waste of time and petrol..... nevermind......

nevermind, nevermind.... it's 2010....

i still got to watch my fireworks, front seat, beautiful view...
i was with great company the entire night...

so, it was a horrid fucked up day, but yes, my start of 2010 was much better, i had my wine (although you could say.. ermm.. i was a bit hung over the next day), had good friends/company, saw a really cute toy poodle puppy, (though precious is still the only one for me) and yes, that made my night... thank you..

ーOracl3-

oh yeah, visited a 98 (i think) year old relative of mine.. which i don't think i knew existed till today.. wow! coolness.... she's amazing, still strong enough, mind still well enough, and eyesight still good enough... :) ahh~ family

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

written in conjunction with the article, "Barricaded City" featured in the Star Metro on 14th December 2009. Yes, I've sent it to them, but since I don't have time, and we don't really buy the Star any more... I doubt they published it...

but yeah, this is for all those suckers out there, living on the charity of their neighbours, (cause they refuse to pay the fees for the gated and guarded community, yet can boast that they enjoy it... and that if they don't pay others will.. ooh trust me, idiots like those are my neighbours) and for those acting like nincompoops cause they are selfish and inconsiderate. thank you.. and enjoy!


******

Firstly, I am not anti establishment, I just speak the truth, as I see it.

Humans are, to a certain extent selfish and self-centred, especially when it concerns strangers. They only care about their own convenience and safety and not those of others.
The complaints from general road users regarding the unreasonableness of the road closures, I feel, is unfounded, and just plain selfish. What do these people have to lose from the road closures? They are merely strangers passing through

True, the roads in residential areas are public roads, but what is the main purpose of these roads? They are for the residents themselves to use, it is their access to enter their own houses; these roads are not meant to be short cuts for drivers to “pass through” just because they don’t want to wait at the junction or a traffic light. In fact they speed (going above 30kmph) through a residential area. Is that not illegal??!!

As far as I can see, these drivers are merely losing some (minimal) time and convenience.

A very minor, if not inconsequential loss, yet they kick up a fuss, scream their lungs out at the security guards, very unsightly, and all because they have to wait longer at junctions, or for the traffic light. It is just selfishness speaking. Have they ever thought, what would the residents lose if these access roads were still widely accessible to the public? Are they themselves not residents somewhere else?

Residents, I believe, may lose their sense of security, their possessions, their safety, their dignity and sometimes, even their lives. An exaggeration? I think not.

The fact that residents have decided to take the matter of their security into their own hands proves that it is a paramount failure of the Federal Government and our Police force. Would residents do this if the Federal Government and the Police made them feel secure? The simple answer would be, no.

Take for example, in just under 2 weeks, 4 houses in my area were robbed. In broad daylight, my own father was robbed right outside our house while trying to enter the front gate. A friend of mine, had her home broken into during the wee hours of the morning, her sister was held captive while they were robbed.

In all these scenarios, some have been hurt physically, some not, but without a doubt, they have all been scarred psychologically. The security in PJ is so poor, parents fear for their children, and children fear for their parents. It may just be a few rotten apples in the basket, but it is a known fact that most Malaysians do not trust the Police. The Police have failed to show us results, and the Federal Government does nothing about it, and nothing about our declining security.

If road users would like to point fingers, point them at MBPJ who authorised the closure of the roads, point them at the 85% of residents who cared enough for their family’s and neighbours safety, point them to the Federal Government and the Police for the lack of security, or the sense of it among the residents. Point all you want, but it will get you no where. Ever wondered what is the point of pointing fingers?

Find your compassion, think of others. Just a slight compromise in their safety, and it could be fatal; it could result in permanent physical damage, paranoia, or the loss of a life. I admit my friends, that yes, what the residents are doing is an act of selfishness but they have a bigger price to pay then the mere loss of time and convenience.

But I guess the best part of it all is the irony. I am sure a number of these road users, are from gated communities themselves, so what is the fuss about exactly?

Oh, and the thing about emergencies? Boomgates can always be unlocked and opened.

******

p/s: this is the original version before editing and before i cut out certain parts.... namely the pointing finger part from what I sent to the papers. reason? well it would be too long to explain why i included MPBJ, cause apparently they won't give any written documents to actually prove that they allowed the closure of the roads.. but, apparently there is a guideline from MBPJ that states you need 85% (min) of the residents to agree... (click on the word "guideline", there are two links attached to it)

=.=' so in the end, I didn't want to send stuff that i didn't have time to research on....

oh yeah, on another note, I've not been much of a diplomat as of late.. (i doubt i ever was much of one to start with) but yes, please don't mind me... and my so called evil-ness streak running rampant currently... maybe it's the Christmas season? cause it pissess me off.... muahahahhaha

(okay, okay it doesn't la, I like holidays cause it means food and wine la... =.=')

おおい！！馬鹿「ばか」女お前は本当に馬鹿ですか？？

この世界にこんなの馬鹿な人は私には本当にはじめて見てんだです。まあ、あの女は馬鹿がたぶん本当だ、あの女が，何もでない。。。ただうるさいです。。。

これは私のさっしん。。まあいい、まだ我慢「がまん」できる。
私をテッグです。。何あっての？？！！　でも、まああいい、私はまだ我慢です。。
この馬鹿のコメント何ですか？馬鹿かお前は？私は何ですか？これは私のさっしん、おまえは私にはテッグです，だから，私はその馬鹿のコメントはやっぱりはこれを読んでますから。。

まいに私はあなたの事はまだ我慢できる，私はまだいい人です。でも今は．．．お前の事に本当に好きがありません。嫌いです。。

デリカシがないの人。。。

「サヤカ」

I now know how some people feel when we keep calling them hypocrites.. (I'm not talking about politicians..) but guess what... (although in this particular case, no one has openly called me that, except me, myself & I)

I think, some people are nice, that's why they are hypocrites.. (hard to believe? it's not really intentional, they do really feel sorry and sincerely want to help the person.. perhaps... we can't really call them hypocrites then? but I digress...pity such as theirs, more often then not get abused... steel yourself!!) sometimes on this planet, I don't know why, but there appears a sort of person that can force you to be a hypocrite when you don't want to be one. but you find it so hard not to be one... without even realising it, if you don't stop to think...

seriously, if you didn't think, you wouldn't realise it... (come to think of it... actually in a lot of small little ways we are hypocrites...little Napoleons.. we can't survive in this cruel society otherwise... how many times were we forced to say or do things against our believe, because society or your peers, for that matter think it is the right thing to do?)

example... you don't really like the person, (i.e. the person isn't someone you would really bother to hang out with, or deal with, unless absolutely necessary...) but you are okay with the person, (i.e not repulsed, you don't think the person as a cockroach or something like that, civil human beings at least would think that right?)..

you are fairly neutral and civil to the person.... I mean, what's there to be not neutral and civil?? just don't expect me to act like your long lost buddy... we are all generally nice people... but...

well for me... honestly..... I don't really care.. (if you do something to piss me off, I get angry fast and cool down just as fast.. if you own up and apologise, even better..) just stay off my tail, leave me alone... respect me, and I respect you... you want to bitch behind my back, fine.. it's normal... as they say, what you don't know can't hurt you... people need to rant, I understand that..

The reason why I don't exactly conform to society, but do conform to society's pressure in certain ways (hope you understand what I'm trying to say) is because I want a peaceful life.... no, or little drama... I like my privacy and my life, thank you very much.. but what is pissing me off is that I can't say my mind... every time.... time and time again... God!! why are there people like this on earth??

I know, I know.. to test my patience... and my sincerity, they make the world a colourful place.. so that I've something to laugh about when I'm not that pissed... so with this rant.. I am going to do my best to put it behind me, and just be a robot... to all those sort of people.. (so that I can't, hopefully be a hypocrite) it's just that.. actually.. I think the idiocy irritates me more...

Can't beat them? join them... let's all be little Napoleons.. Utopia does not exist.. never did, never will... life is cruel... and what can we do but just live it... sigh, the irony of it all..

-Oracl3-

haha the title could make for a good book :p

First week back….

Warning: huge crap-ology ahead… do not read if what you lack is time… or interest.. it’s okay I understand.. Still love you all the same… haha

It’s been a while since I wrote anything in English, and well something this lengthy haha… nothing much to blog about (in English as of late besides random ramblings in Japanese… causing me to lose readers, since only one fella.. I think, can read Japanese, and I think he couldn’t be arsed since my grammar is horrendous hahaha)

Oh well, life goes on…. As it must and will, whether you like it or not, it will not, and cannot wait for you…. The same goes for my muse… another reason why I haven’t been blogging lately…? No muse? haha… although by default, I don’t think I really need one…. I need a better internet connection at home (pages aren’t loading..sobs), time and… Ermm.. But that’s another story…

So my first week back at work has finally ended.. With…. More to come… that being beside the point, I guess… haha, since I’ve already worked at this same firm during my chambering time, the familiarity is there, and there wasn’t much adjusting in to do. Since I’ve already known and worked with the people that I’m working with now when I was chambering there, during half of my chambering duration. (Spent first half in corporate, next in litigation)

What can I say... going back to work, after 2 months of not - so - active brain usage…. Hmmm~ well.. Going through documents now… is a bit of a pain on the eyes.. Literally… I don’t know if it’s my astigmatism or something…. (Guess I’ve to go back to printing them out to view rather than stare at the computer, or risk going blind =.=’ or make a new pair of spectacles, that hopefully doesn’t increase my headache..) But oh well….

Ermm, work wise… well corporate is corporate.. To be honest I find it a tad harder than litigation, (learning wise) in terms of understanding and documentation, because well, stuff in litigation, we basically covered in CLP, (not everything, but at least we had a basics of sorts to start with) but corporate… well, let’s just say… university didn’t really equip us for it..

But in a sense, that’s cool, it makes it a challenge, cause you have to learn everything from the ground up…. (Searches really hard for her brain haha) not to say litigation isn’t cool… haha.. I already miss going to court…. (ermm only that particular court though… haha… I miss my dockbrief days.. days where I had to run between court rooms to enter judgements... sigh, those were the days my friend…we thought they’d never end… la la la la…)

Either than that, learning is learning.. And I believe I will get a hang of it sooner or later.. I managed it before; I believe I can do it again… what’s life without a few challenges? Need to un-blur myself haha…

Oh, and also… in the office I’ve to remind myself.. I AM NOT USING A MAC!! And at home… I AM NOT USING WINDOWS!! ….. Makes me feel kinda crap sometimes… sigh..

What other difficulties I’ve been encountering?? Hmmm well, waking up in the morning, and trying to get the brain to function at that time, is another challenge… a real huge one, might I add haha..

I’m a nocturnal creature, forced to live under the glare of the shining star….

Although, after last night… I take that back.. This so-called nocturnal creature has sort of adapted to living under the shining star, that sleeping at 5am last night, was a huge torture to me..

Why?? Cause my body kept trying to wake up around 7-8 am… and I had to force it back to sleep, only to have it wake up again round 9 something and then 10 something…. Till finally my friend called me at about a quarter to 12.. I gave up… but damn… The mind and the body… cooperate!!!

You know you got home late, you know you slept late… stop trying to get up early.. It’s a freaking Saturday for crying out loud… gosh!!

Oh which reminds me speaking of Saturday.. Happy Deepavali to all my friends! Especially Shanie *hugs* you need that! ☺

Right, another thing, adjusting my sleeping hours was also quite difficult due to some miraculous jet lag I experienced…

I just don’t understand why… when we go over to Europe, we don’t experience jet lag, we can adjust to the time there so nicely, but when we come back home.. by golly, I don’t get why the jet lag is so bad…

In all my years of travel, I’ve never, and I repeat, never experienced jet lag this bad…

Err, why jet lag? Well, since no one in particular has been wondering about my disappearance…. It’s cause I was on holiday in Italy and Greece, a week before I started work…

Ooh yeah… living the high life, as some friends had teased haha.. But anyway yes, was in Europe, took almost 30 hours to get back from there to home.. Door to door, I mean.. With all the transits… =.=’ cause we had to fly from Athens to Milan, from Milan to Bangkok, and Bangkok to home…

One whole day of airplane food… managed to cause me to lose all the weight I picked back up in Italy and Greece, and my appetite as well, which hasn’t been well since I fell ill and stayed ill a few months back.. (Still not fully recovered actually… sigh..)

So yes, stuck in airplanes and airports for more than 24 hours, having nothing but airplane meals took their toll on me, and when I touched down, I had to immediately make arrangements to meet a friend who would be marrying the next day, and we had to go over the wedding plans, since he kindly requested that I co-emcee his wedding XD (Thanks Ray & Ivy, for that opportunity and Shane for the books..)

Anyway, slept a measly 2 hours or so, woke up feeling like the whole body was made of lead… forced myself to get ready, headed over to the groom’s place… discussion with the other wedding planners.. bla bla… home to bed, woke up early for cousin’s wedding… on the 3rd of October, it ended in the afternoon, rushed home, got ready in under an hour for the next wedding… (Ray’s wedding).. Rushed there, went through stuff with co-emcee, and everything went from there..

After the wedding dinner at about 11 something, headed to Mel’s house for a Mooncake festival gathering kinda thingie.. Stayed till round 2 something before heading home, and finally.. Rest…

Rest of the week was adjusting my time back to wake up in the morning… and then work started… such is life… when things get hectic, they are hectic… but it was cool… loved it all.. Tiring and torturous as it was..

Now the goal is... to gain back some weight apparently, although I don’t mind the weight I have now, but if I lose anymore.. I was told by a friend that it would be the death of me.. He’s not cussing me, don’t get me wrong, it’s true anyway… so yes, no more losing weight for me.. It’s either maintain it as it is... or gain 2-3 kgs… and maintaining it at that…

First, I need to find my appetite again.. Which seems to be cured by not so spicy food, which again, my stomach seems incapable of taking after not taking it for so long.. haha… I should really lay off my C2-O5-OH haha

Only good news for the time being is… my appetite seems to be returning a bit, but it’s not what it used to be.. Due to the stomach ailment.. so one step at a time.. That’s what I do with everything now a days…

-Oracl3-

P/s: oh, by the way, did I ever mention that my first day back to work started out bloody?? How’s that for a first day back to work… =.=’
あれはねロスコちゃんの血いです。たく始めて見てだよ、びくりした。。。ベビのうしろう「backside?」はきずがある。。。大変な，私のベビ。。。

Stupid Maxis, stupid internet connection.. sigh…this is a Mac.. not windows.. damn the short cut keys…

Disclaimer: As usual this is a rant post

if you are not fond of my profound usage of language and release of pent up anger than please do us all a favour and skip this post.
Don't get bias at me later, I am who I am, and I've already warned you, there's nothing much but anger, lots of it and a fair amount of profanity.

And though I rarely cuss, I have my moments, and I dearly hope some asshole in Maxis will read this and rectify the problem and make me one happy and satisfied customer, before I cuss everything to oblivion!

MAXIS 748!!!

******

Here is something I wrote about a month ago... when I was pissed, but still not that pissed!

**********

To: The-not-so-dear-much-abhorred-by-me Maxis broadband provider,

Lately I have been very, very, and I mean very, upset with your service. Especially for the past month or so. I am very, extremely dissatisfied, and I feel totally cheated out of my monthly fee that I am forced to pay for this lousy service that you are providing.

This is not the way to do business, cheating people out of their money, I am paying you, and I demand you deliver what I pay for. I do not accept a stupid service which does not let me log on to use my internet which I am paying for, or which allows me to log on for a minute, insufficient to do anything and then drops me.

Honestly, I can put up with a slow line every once in a while but not when it happens so damn often that it defeats the purpose of me applying for broadband in the first place, and failing to connect or even better, treating me like some Chips more cookie. “Oh lookie here, now I’m connected, now I’m not.”

I’m not some idiot you can take advantage of. What’s the point of applying for broadband when I’m not getting that service???!!!

And this event recurring itself for almost a month or even more, that is not how it works, even if you disclaim liability in your contract, this is a breach that goes right to the root of the contract. It is simple: I pay, you provide.

Not I pay, and you DON’T provide. Sueing seems quite tempting at this point of time (I know why most laymen go sue this and that over everything, cause that's how I feel like now, exactly!), but this is considered very trivial, and it is a total waste of time and not to mention the legal costs would be way much more than what I can afford or would be reimbursed. Even if you have to bear the costs, the time spent for trial for such a trivially stupid thing, is just so not worth it!

Alternatively, if you view this letter as defaming you, then please by all means prove me wrong, and provide me with a much better service than the one you are providing now; where I am paying for not being able to go online at all/for slow service/discrepant service/interrupted service.

And I would be more than happy to oblige you by removing this letter, but I will not apologise, unless you give me due reason to do so, and when I mean due reason, it’s not because you are suing/intimidating me to do so, because it is a fact that I had to suffer that totally useless service of yours for the duration of May 2009, and I’m getting ready to add June 2009 into that list as well.

This is totally defeating the reason why I am paying your company. So remind me again? Why am I paying almost a hundred each month for?

If there are too many users slowing down the line, THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, not mine, and I expect you to rectify that and to give me a reasonable service. If you insist on providing such lousy service to me, then I demand that you reimburse me.

Which BEING THE STINGY COMPANY YOU ARE, I doubt you will. Or if you are willing, most likely it will take you a really long time. Unless, again, you are affected by this letter and would like to try and prove me wrong by either reimbursing me, and doing it quickly.

I find it so irritating that I cannot even check my mail in peace and have to resort to reconnecting myself before even managing to reply to an email or to even open and read it. I cannot describe my total annoyance, and calling your helpline, or 24 hour service line doesn’t help me, as they will only ask me to do things which I know they are going to ask me to do, because I’ve done it like what? A gazillion times already. So thank you very much, but no thank you for your lousy advice on what to do to improve my connection. The problem as far as I’m concerned is not mine but definitely yours!

And I’m not one to let my anger go on your poor personnel answering the phone, because it is not their fault, and that they are only doing their job. My anger is directed to the managing director, director and CEO of the company, who are either ignorant of the trouble going on below, or decided to budget everything and screw the service being received by customers like me who are very disgruntled, and unlike other customers, very willing to voice my opinion out.

Because I believe Malaysians always suffer in silence and this has become a trend, and if we don’t speak out, nothing will change. Life doesn’t work that way anymore, high-up-people-in-the-company. Short-changing people isn’t the way to go anymore. So please pass some resolutions or whatever you need to pass (hold some goddamnned meetings) for the improvement of the service that you provide to your customers, get your managers to work on it, and follow through with it. True, you can’t keep the whole world happy, but at least make the majority happy.

If you want more customers to earn more revenue, then upgrade your freaking servers so that it can take the pressure load. Don’t give me a service which is below the broadband level, the reason why I got broadband is because I wanted a faster network not a network that is so damn slow, I’m much better off on dial up then on your stupid network.

And finally, thank you very much for wasting your time in reading this letter, and mine, for having to type this up for you to read, and wasting both our times. In conclusion all that I would like to say is, upgrade your stupid service!

Regards,
Your very, very disgruntled and unhappy customer

P/S: To prove this claim, I think I should start collecting evidence, mainly, that would be, although it is very, and I repeat very, troublesome, calling your service centres, every minute of the day whenever the line drops me, just to complain, so that it would be recorded in the company’s log, and which I can demand for evidence in an action in court, even if you refuse to show them, I will have my own phone bill to prove it.
No, I’m not going to call for advice, which I already know they are going to give, I will just call them, and lodge a complaint. Thank you very much!

***************************************************************************

And here, ladies and gentlemen is what I wrote, after almost 2 months (it is now the end of June that's why...), of such idiotic service. and I am very pissed. Have I called them and complained? oh yes, I have, to which I got the stupid answer that there is a fucking major problem with the network in my area which they don't know how many aeons it will take them to fix. Hence the below.

MAXIS GO SCREW YOURSELF

Yes, I’m again dissing my dearly hated internet connection. We pay 98 bucks a month for no internet at all. How pleasant. There is a reason why one subscribes for a power package with unlimited usage you know.

I would like to come back from work after a long day, and check my mail at my leisure, talk to people I want to talk to. Download mangas and animes and dramas to watch to relax. Maybe play some of my games which are unfortunately all online.

So Maxis is being so kind as to deprive me of that for close to 2 months.

Getting pissed off in the office (due to various reasons, which range from technical to everything else) and coming home and getting pissed off at the fucking connection, cause why??!! I can’t even go and check my email. Oh so pleasant.

Fuck you and your MAJOR FUCKING PROBLEM THAT YOU ARE HAVING IN MY AREA NOW!! FIX THE DAMN FUCKING THING!!

I haven’t been able to download crap at all.. and I want to watch my dramas. I can’t play my games cause it won’t load, cause I can’t connect at all. I can’t chat with people because of the fucking unstable line which most of the time just drops and refuses to reconnect.

I am angry? You betcha I am angry. Go do me a HUGE FAVOUR AND GO SCREW YOURSELF. Even in the day time (when I’m at home) when I’m using the internet it happily screws itself over as well. What the fuck is this??

How do you expect one to relax and distress???
I already face enough shit in life give me a break, and make me happy!

And woe is me, each time I diss maxis here, it’s in hopes that one of the idiotic higher ups there will actually read this and for goodness sake, one that CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING!!!! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, AND MAKE ME HAPPY!! FUCK OFF MAXIS!!

Fucking unhappy customer

hmm~ please ignore if you don't feel like reading complaints...

Actually I am kind of lazy to complain.. So my complaints for the past few weeks are, and this are the major pissy ones.. that i'm actually really unhappy about, but can do nuts.. :-

1. This freaking hot weather, even the wind feels hot, it's just hot, hot, hot grrrr....
   
2. The stupid freaking hot weather is causing mosquitoes to breed like there's no tomorrow and happily sucking away at my blood... buzzing next to my ear... argghhh
3. Stupid connection is so damn bloody slow I can't download nuts!!! arghh this is so pissing me off!!

on another note body shop is having its annual sales... it's a bane to me... definitely.. well though i don't really buy much from there.. but at least 160 bucks gone... sigh... oh well... it's annual... adding up with some other stuff... donations are highly welcome...

End of complaint....

just needed to let it out, although I know it won't do anything at all...

-Oracl3-

Yes, title says it all..

The usual complain about my !@£$%^&* connection has returned.. since the complaints are as usual... I won't go into too much details.. but I will again say this..

People stop subscribing to Maxis broadband if you don't want to suffer like me... !!!

If Maxis wants me to stop dissing their service, then they should upgrade it to a level where I've no right to complain..

Thank you.. and that's all..

-Oracl3-

熱い＝Hot

Yes, Hot, hot, hot!!

Am melting, and adding anther thing to my list to totally despise and hate. the hot weather.. this year's dry spell seems worse than the year before, or well, they seem like that every year?

Why I hate the hot weather, it gets so dusty and hazy, not to mention it's hot, so it makes you all sweaty and sticky, and mosquitoes breed like it's some holy ground, and go sucking at your blood like the bloody vampires they are.

Everyone cranks up their air conditioning, contributing more to the thinning of the ozone layer. People driving more instead of walking because of the stupid weather, contributing more to the pollution. Everything contributing to make it hotter than it already is.

One day, just mark my words One day the ice caps in the north and south poles will melt, and drown out everything, with the water level as high as Mount Everest, killing all of man kind, and hopefully after a few centuries, without the pollution caused by mankind the world will become cold again, the water will recede, and freeze, and life forms, mostly fishes that would be left, would evolve and go back on land and start Charles Darwin's theory of evolution all over again. (hopefully not creating humans again this time???)

But the thing is, humans are a nuisance, they are even more stubborn than cockroaches, oh, just mark my words, they will build some sturdy sort of ships or submarines to live in and propagate, and we will have underwater cities, and heck, they will even genetically engineer people to have gills to live under water, realizing the myths of mermaids. Just trust my words, humans are more tenacious than cockroaches... and that's the irritating truth... woe is the earth and the global warming that was caused by humans....

-Oracl3-

P/S: I speak as the alien amoeba from a distant galaxy, frustrated over this super hot weather which shows no signs of abating, and the rains which does not seem to want to come, and the headaches that accompany me in such hot weather and the bloody suckers that suck me dry since they can breed like hell in this kind of weather.

GAAaah!! what is wrong with the stupid connection???!!!

Gyaah! What's wrong with the net??

I think that's enough said..
Cause with the net acting like the Chipsmore cookies.. It's so hard to do work, or to even get my usual fix...

Also as of late, besides work... I've been on a Shoujo Manga spree lately... *shrugs* especially those involving supernatural stuff, like ghosts, kyuubi etc... leaning to the supernatural side??

まあー、ロマンスはほしいいんかな。。？今私の人生はとてもつまらない。。ああ〜　何でもいい，妖怪か、人間か、狐か、天狗か。。助けて？？！！　つまない。。　ベイビはどこ。。。？この子。。。
=.=' はー。もういい　ねる！

Sigh, also... I really need to find time to complete the list, and well, to organise the files in my computer and external hard drives, and to make some space by burning stuff out... ゲエー.... 時よ、どこえ？Why are those stuff, things that really needs a lot of time... =.='　何でだろうな。。 はー　

最近に私はとても疲れた。。。理容？さあ〜な。。あれは秘密、あんたたちは、知らないの事は、ほうがいい。。

-Oracl3-