Grief  

grief |griːf|
noun [ mass noun ]
1 intense sorrow, especially caused by someone's death: she was overcome with grief.
• [ count noun ] an instance or cause of intense sorrow: time heals griefs and quarrels.
2 informal trouble or annoyance: the police gave us constant grief at the match.

Going through grief and/or dealing with someone who is going through grief is never an easy thing. 

Grief doesn't go away in a day or two, or a few weeks or a few months, it can last for years, so a lot of time, love and patience is needed when dealing with someone who is going through grief.

Yet it is amazing how little people know about grief, even when they have experienced it themselves. Even when information is so easily available on the internet now.

So, while I'm sincerely thankful that you are all willing to put up with me in my most difficult time, but to spare (mostly) me any further grief by people who do not know how to deal with people going through grief aka me and are too lazy to google anything (or are not practicing what they have read), please note this few summarized points.

1. While I understand that you are busy and that you have your own life to lead, please note that if you don't have the time, love or patience to deal with someone going through grief, then please avoid people who are grieving. While you may have good intentions, dealing with someone who is going through grief, requires a lot of time, love and patience. It's not either one, you need all three.
   
2. I need to cry, so let me cry. Don't tell me to stop crying. Don't change the subject when I cry. If I could stop crying, I would have already done so.
   
3. Don't tell me "I know" and/or "I understand". Frankly, I don't know what you know, and I don't understand what you understand. These is one of the worse things you can say to a grieving person. Even if you have lost someone or something precious to you before, you do not know or understand anything about my feelings. So please, please stop saying that.
   
4. When I am talking about why I feel so aggrieved (aka my feelings), even if I do sound like a broken recorder. Please just listen to me. While I appreciate it, I really don't need any suggestions, inputs, or to hear about your feelings or experience because I'm the one that is supposed to be consoled, not the other way around.
   
5. If you wish to offer a hug, do not hug me without prior notice. You will seem like you are attacking me not comforting me.
   
6. Telling me to "move on", "let it go","get a new dog" etc., feels like you are belittling my feelings. Please stop saying that. I will move on when I'm ready, I will probably never let him go, and I will probably never get a new dog.
   
7. All I need is your presence, you don't have to say anything or do anything special. Just stay by my side, cry with me if you will, but in essence that's all I need

It's funny how all of us are seemingly taught to deal with grief. Is grief so shameful that all of us have to act like it does not exist? That we should not talk about it? 

A new found friend's grandfather had recently passed away, and before I could even try to console him, or offer him my ear or shoulder, he switched the subject, as if his grief was nothing of importance. 

Why do we do this? People should not need to hide their grief and people should not shun those who are grieving or act like they don't know that person is grieving. 

I'm not saying that we should baby a grieving person, a normal as possible semblance of life would be good, but the grieving person needs to know that if he/she needs it, he/she can just cry freely, talk about their grief freely and not be judged.

That said, I do appreciate the people that have tried to check in with me from time to time despite their busy schedule. They took some time out of their busy schedule to think about me. It helps a little and makes me feel like there are still people who care.

Because seriously, did you know, that just waking up each morning, and getting out of bed is already an achievement? Making sure I eat, keep warm stay clean and don't fall sick is already another huge achievement. 

While it seems like normal things people do daily, for someone who is grieving (also for people suffering from depression), all these are huge achievements, which we try to do everyday. 

Getting out of the house, meeting people, trying not to cry the whole day, or to cry for that one day - all these are huge achievements. 

Trying to regain a normal semblance of life - is a huge achievement. 

Trying to tell people that your precious is no longer here and hold your tears back, is a huge achievement.

But trying to upkeep all these achievements everyday, is tiring, and that's when I need you the most to anchor me down, so that I don't feel tempted to follow my dragon to the heavens,