Is this punishment?

I want to see you so much, I hope as much as you want to see me too. 

And though I search for you in my dreams you never come. 

I miss you so, so much.

And I wished everyday that I could dream of you,

and I guess Kami sama was kind..

I was allowed to meet you, although only twice.. 

The first to let me know that you were hungry. I just knew in that dream that you were telling me that you were hungry. 

And the second time, that you were waiting for me to come home. Even though you had others around you, but you were ignoring them and dolefully waiting. (or you were probably upset when mom and dad took out those luggage bags of theirs to pack for their trip here lol)

It's just a few more weeks baby, I'm sorry that you have to keep waiting, but I'm coming home soon ok? 

I'm coming home soon to you. 

-sunz- 

"He wouldn't want you to be like this."

"I'm sure he wants you to be happy."

How on earth would they know what you wanted??!

You could not speak in a language that they understand, and most of them had hardly spent any time with you. How would they know what you want??!

Even I who have been. By your side the longest wouldn't know what you want, what do you want me to do at this point? 

To stop crying?

To stop thinking too much?

I do know that in our 13 years together, that what you wanted then was lots of cuddles.

For us to always be together. 

To go for lots of walks. 

And that you missed me terribly every time I was away, as I missed you as well. 

That you would cry every time you heard my voice when I called home because you missed me. 

That you would wait by the door, looking out waiting for me to come home, because you missed me. 

That when ever you are in pain, i would be there to comfort you. 

What you wanted was for me to be there those last 2 weeks.

For me to cuddle you, calm you and tell you that it was all ok.

To be by your side during that last moments. 

And to continue being together with you. 

That's what you wanted.

And what do I want? 

I want to hold you again. 

I wanted to spend your last year with you

I wanted to care for you during those 2 weeks.

I wanted to be there when you went. 

And then I just get so angry, angry at you, angry at myself, angry at the world everything. 

Of all the years, why last year??!! Why when I wasn't there? We had so many years, why did it have to be last year!!!!!

-sunz-

I wish that you will never leave me.

No matter how unbearable,

I was to you, 

Or you to me. 

I can't live alone. 

I am weak. 

I am not as strong, 

As you think me to be. 

If you leave me, 

I will crumble and fall.

Into a million pieces. 

Shattered, 

Probably beyond repair. 

But it's envitable. 

There will come a day, 

Where we must leave. 

And I must learn,

Learn to go on. 

Even if I'm alone, 

So...

Before you go,

Write me a letter. 

Tell me it's ok. 

Tell me goodbye, 

But tell me also,

That you are not,

Leaving me behind. 

That you are just waiting, 

For me at the other end. 

Tell me that it's ok to go on. 

That I will be happy, 

Even without you. 

That my tears will soon dry. 

And my smile will return. 

That life must go on. 

Write me a letter. 

To let me hold on to you. 

For just a little bit longer. 

Till the day I can let go comes. 

Till the day I can go on by myself returns. 

-サヤカ-

The year 2015 is coming to an end, and it seems to have been a year of tears for me.

Was coming to Japan really the right thing?

Earlier around April or May, I got the news from dad that one of our neighbours who was battling cancer, had passed away.

He was dad's colleague and long time friend, I had known him since I was a child.

I shed some tears for him on the train back from work upon hearing this news.

He was a kind uncle and in some sense had seen us grow up, and while not integral, he was, in his own way a part of our lives. I will always remember him as the uncle who car pooled with dad, and that helped dad punch his card at the office sometimes.

I really wished that I could have attended his memorial, and was really worried about dad, since this was his long time colleague and friend.

But while I was sad, there wasn't much I could do, and life seemed to go on, and dad seemed okay.

May you rest in peace uncle Teck Loong.

After that in October, my precious left me, despite our promise that he lets me send him off when his time comes. Probably he did try to keep his promise, he probably thought I was home for good when I came home in September.

Since my precious has been with me for almost half my life, I am still unable to take it easy, and I still cry almost every day over him. But tomorrow part of him will come to me, and hopefully that makes it a bit easier for me.

But I write enough about him every day that I don't need to reiterate that in this post.

And well today, I found out from my brother that my primary school's headmaster. Mr Yeoh Boon Keat, the Headmaster of Sekolah Rendah Kebangsaan Taman Megah, had peacefully passed away at the age of 74 on 20 December 2015.

He retired in the year 1994, I was probably in primary 2 then, but I still remembered him, remembered talking to him, remembered crying and running after his car when he left the school during his retirement.

I even remember some students telling him not to go. I have always remembered him as a kind and sincere man.

Again while I would have liked to attend the memorial service of this great man, who after 2 decades since I last saw him, could still bring tears to my eyes upon hearing about this death, I am unable to since I am now in Japan.

Mr Yeoh was a great teacher, now a days you won't find any teacher who would go around picking up rubbish and cleaning the drains. I think I remember picking rubbish with him once and having a short chat with him.

He was also a teacher that would go round talking to the children like they were his kids. He genuinely cared for the students. Even though there was so many of us.

The world doesn't seem to produce teachers like that anymore, well at least not in the cities.

Mr Yeoh, may you rest in peace, know that you are much loved by all your students (who are now probably spread all over the globe), even now at least 2 decades since we have left school.

-サヤカ-

Grief  

grief |griːf|
noun [ mass noun ]
1 intense sorrow, especially caused by someone's death: she was overcome with grief.
• [ count noun ] an instance or cause of intense sorrow: time heals griefs and quarrels.
2 informal trouble or annoyance: the police gave us constant grief at the match.

Going through grief and/or dealing with someone who is going through grief is never an easy thing. 

Grief doesn't go away in a day or two, or a few weeks or a few months, it can last for years, so a lot of time, love and patience is needed when dealing with someone who is going through grief.

Yet it is amazing how little people know about grief, even when they have experienced it themselves. Even when information is so easily available on the internet now.

So, while I'm sincerely thankful that you are all willing to put up with me in my most difficult time, but to spare (mostly) me any further grief by people who do not know how to deal with people going through grief aka me and are too lazy to google anything (or are not practicing what they have read), please note this few summarized points.

1. While I understand that you are busy and that you have your own life to lead, please note that if you don't have the time, love or patience to deal with someone going through grief, then please avoid people who are grieving. While you may have good intentions, dealing with someone who is going through grief, requires a lot of time, love and patience. It's not either one, you need all three.
   
2. I need to cry, so let me cry. Don't tell me to stop crying. Don't change the subject when I cry. If I could stop crying, I would have already done so.
   
3. Don't tell me "I know" and/or "I understand". Frankly, I don't know what you know, and I don't understand what you understand. These is one of the worse things you can say to a grieving person. Even if you have lost someone or something precious to you before, you do not know or understand anything about my feelings. So please, please stop saying that.
   
4. When I am talking about why I feel so aggrieved (aka my feelings), even if I do sound like a broken recorder. Please just listen to me. While I appreciate it, I really don't need any suggestions, inputs, or to hear about your feelings or experience because I'm the one that is supposed to be consoled, not the other way around.
   
5. If you wish to offer a hug, do not hug me without prior notice. You will seem like you are attacking me not comforting me.
   
6. Telling me to "move on", "let it go","get a new dog" etc., feels like you are belittling my feelings. Please stop saying that. I will move on when I'm ready, I will probably never let him go, and I will probably never get a new dog.
   
7. All I need is your presence, you don't have to say anything or do anything special. Just stay by my side, cry with me if you will, but in essence that's all I need

It's funny how all of us are seemingly taught to deal with grief. Is grief so shameful that all of us have to act like it does not exist? That we should not talk about it? 

A new found friend's grandfather had recently passed away, and before I could even try to console him, or offer him my ear or shoulder, he switched the subject, as if his grief was nothing of importance. 

Why do we do this? People should not need to hide their grief and people should not shun those who are grieving or act like they don't know that person is grieving. 

I'm not saying that we should baby a grieving person, a normal as possible semblance of life would be good, but the grieving person needs to know that if he/she needs it, he/she can just cry freely, talk about their grief freely and not be judged.

That said, I do appreciate the people that have tried to check in with me from time to time despite their busy schedule. They took some time out of their busy schedule to think about me. It helps a little and makes me feel like there are still people who care.

Because seriously, did you know, that just waking up each morning, and getting out of bed is already an achievement? Making sure I eat, keep warm stay clean and don't fall sick is already another huge achievement. 

While it seems like normal things people do daily, for someone who is grieving (also for people suffering from depression), all these are huge achievements, which we try to do everyday. 

Getting out of the house, meeting people, trying not to cry the whole day, or to cry for that one day - all these are huge achievements. 

Trying to regain a normal semblance of life - is a huge achievement. 

Trying to tell people that your precious is no longer here and hold your tears back, is a huge achievement.

But trying to upkeep all these achievements everyday, is tiring, and that's when I need you the most to anchor me down, so that I don't feel tempted to follow my dragon to the heavens,

*This was a scheduled post, and was written before 16 October 2015, hence the reason why it still sounds so upbeat. I've amended it a little only to reflect the current situation, but left almost all of it as initially drafted.*

I just realized, but 31 October 2015, marks the 10th Anniversary of my blog. 10 years!

What a long way I have come, since then.

I apparently started this blog on 31st October 2005, whilst I was in my first year of Law School / University.

(I know for a fact that I meddled with the date of the first post, so this blog's actual birthday is either before or after that date, but I can't remember the exact date - so let's all just forget bout that technicality here lol) 

The design of this blog is thanks to ccymie who kindly designed the current outline of the blog in 2007 according to my specifications, and I have not been inclined to change the design at all all this years. (Though if and when he has the time I may need some help with some html codes on the sidebar for outdated apps.)

The theme for the blog, being "Flow" where I chose water as the main premise, since water is ever changing, and conforms to whatever container you put it in; it can be gentle and it can be cruel; it's unpredictable. 

Which, is in line with this blog's main focus of being unable to see what the future will bring us i.e. I still stay by the theme of this blog that the 'future is unpredictable'; and that the 'fight to rise once again' is till ongoing as a daily battle. But that's a different story for maybe another day, and/or different audience.

While due to work commitments I had became less active over the years in posting anything at all.

Since I rather spend my spare time catching up on my sleep or other things than racking my brains thinking about posting anything. I've honestly also become more reserved about what I want to share online with people who know me, and what I would like to share with strangers, if any, do read what I write.

I also went through a lot career wise. My direct superior and senior left the team at the same time i.e. in April 2011, forcing a 3 man team into a 1 man team, with the same amount of workload, if not more. Hence the lack of posts from that duration on wards. I did write intermittently during that tough time, so maybe I will retrieve what I wrote and post them later. Those will be backdated though, I think..

And also due to some ex acquaintances, who for a lack of a better word were nosy, stalking, gossip mongers, I had for many years made this blog only available for private viewing - it's public again now, and if you don't like what I post then just don't read or follow this blog.

(I'm in a position now where I seriously don't give a damn about your opinions. It's not like you are losing anything financially or your quality of life by what I post here. So don't waste your time reading something you don't like. i.e. No one is forcing you to read my mindless and lengthy ramblings...)

I did skim through my posts from this past 10 years and all I can say is that, the me of the past 10 years, rambles a lot, curses a lot , procrastinates a lot (I probably still do all three a lot?), has a weird sense of humour(?), freaks out a lot close to exams, took a lot of random online quizzes, and again... Rambles a lot.. Ahh, those were the days... 

Amongst my favourite posts from the past that I found during my skimming - be wary of Manglish - I had this habit of not checking what I wrote for grammatical/spelling errors, and used SMS spellings all the time as well:
Poems I wrote: here, here, here, & here.
Me freaking out over my revenue law assignment
Mother's Day in May 2008
Me Freaking out before the CLP/Malaysian Bar Exam lol
Sister's Birthday Card in August 2008
Precious in his Younger Years in August 2008
My Singaporean Cousin, who is the first to classify my alien-ism as an Amoeba, lol

Anyway besides all the random ramblings, whining, complaints, weird posts.. etc..  (I actually read Shakespeare.. Such a nerd! lol) I apparently live a very uninteresting life, since all I do is work; I don't hold interests in things long enough usually (read: short attention span.. lol..), and I'm apathetic to almost everything that won't cause me or people/things/other living beings, I care about, any financial, physical or psychological harm. I guess overall, I am just not that attached to this world.

But I digress... Back to the topic at hand...

This Blog's 10th Anniversary!!

~~

Well, in this year of 2015, to be more precise 31 October 2015 (darn forgot those html codes to make the words blink =.='), 10 years has come to pass since this blog officially had it's humble beginnings...  

So.... After 10 years..... What's different? Besides the recent loss of Baby (which I will not address further here).

I've started a new chapter of my life, since as of 1 April 2015, for a duration of one year I was stationed in the land of the rising sun.  In a so-called secondment by my firm to work as an assistant professor in a certain university here.

After this stint i.e. in April 2016 I'll be going back home; don't get me wrong, while I love Japan, I don't love living here for the long term due to various reasons that I decline to mention in this post, or it will be never ending.

All I can say is that after Japan, I will need to seriously rethink my future, do I want to keep slaving away at my current law firm, or review other options? (Which are all probably in-house options.)

One thing I can say for sure is that in 2005 when I started law school, I knew I wanted to be a lawyer, and I never considered being a lecturer. So I didn't bother with a LL.M.  (that's the minimum educational requirement to be a lecturer - besides my bar school offered an LL.M from some Australian University that I've never heard of till this day). 

I did consider doing a masters, maybe a LL.M or MBA, since it seemed it might be better for the corporate world, if you hold a directorship or something, (your profile would look a little nicer in the prospectus lol) it could be advantageous, but I've met some lawyers who don't hold any masters at all, and they are doing fine... So I digress...

Anyway back to the topic at hand, now 10 years after the start of law school, I spent about 7 years of that being a corporate lawyer and now I'm an assistant professor at a Japanese University, in Japan obviously, and I must say, to be frank, I still cannot imagine myself in the teaching profession. 

I rather be out there as a lawyer or an in-house counsel. I honestly prefer drafting/reviewing contracts to preparing power points. Talking to clients than to students. You could say I've rediscovered my love for drafting here. 

Maybe I'm still considered young; maybe I like the corporate world better than the academic world; maybe I'm too used to what I have in the corporate world that moving to the academic world seems like something I can't get accustomed to; or maybe it's a case of who moved my cheese. 

The corporate world isn't all rainbows, chocolates, roses, puppies or sunshine either, the long hours I spend slaving away, dealing with crazy people etc. The toll on my health... Both physical and psychologically... But I think in my personal view that it's more challenging and interesting as compared to where I am now. 

Maybe I'm not being utilized to my full potential here at the university, so I feel this way, but I digress, that is a can of "what ifs" that I will probably never have the chance the open in this lifetime.  

Or maybe, if I ever do fall in love, get married and ever have kids, maybe.... Just maybe.... I will find what I have now more appealing....

So here's to another 10 years! To the future where I hope that this blog and/or I'm still around then, or that still remember about this blog and will post something. Cheers!

-サヤカ-

** Because of precious' condition this year I forgot about the 3rd of October, which I guess in a sense was a blessing in disguise, but with the revival of my blog, I was going through my old posts and things I've written all these years, and found this poem which I wrote 5 years ago, aptly titled:

The Third of October

Like the summer rain fall,

It came without a call,

The third of October,

With autumn leaves a-flutter,

It was a day to remember.

Like a dream from many years,

The sands of tine flowed,

Your voice resonates against my ears,

An echo that could not be curbed.

But fate has decided,

She shall play her card,

Our paths once joined,

Were easily removed.

The time spent was short, 

But it is a memory,

I will readily carry.

Though I think of you,

Only on days when the rain falls,

When the sun refuses to shine through the clouds;

A small smile will play on my face,

As the world moves slowly at my pace.

I have grown through those years,

Learnt to cherish what is dear,

And I shall sit here again next year,

By the window to watch the flowers.

And think fondly again of those days,

Like a child handling a precious toy,

Storing it away once more,

For this time again next year.

It's a poem that doesn't actually rhyme.. But here's a happy belated birthday to you.

-サヤカ-

-->

As I sit here 5000 miles away from you, I think back to 13 years ago. Where you fitted so snugly into the palm of my hand.

Where even when the world was still dark and noiseless to you, you chose me, as I would have chosen you.

Where even though we weren’t sure if we were allowed to be together, you waited for me and stuck to me like you were already mine.

Where you won the final agreement out of dad in such an adorable manner that the scene forever replays in my mind.

And with all that, I find myself, yet again wishing that I were by your side, to comfort you, to touch you, to reassure you, to be there for you.

Is it possible to love this much? Was I capable of this much love? I never knew; or maybe I had always doubted myself.

But I guess it is possible to love this much; I am capable of loving this much.

If anything, my tears now are the testament of this deep love I feel for you. This fear I feel of losing you. The emptiness I fear that I will feel when you leave me. To this fear of coming home without you there to greet me.

I had always found it so adorable at how you would always by-pass everyone else to greet me first when I got home. And it would seem that I actually do the same.

We have been together for almost everyday of your life; we ate together, bathed together, and slept together…

It seemed like we always wanted to be together, and we were, save for when I went to England to study, or when I went for holidays, or business trips, or even now that I’m 5000 miles away in the land of the rising sun.

But even when we were and are apart, not once had I ever-stopped thinking of you, or wishing I were with you.

You had and have my love through and through.

I deigned from mentioning it too much, lest people thought I was some crazy dog lady, but I think they already knew though, and mom always knew that I was crazy about you. (She was and I think, still is very worried about my mental health on what I would do after this.)

But hey, the rest of the family thought about you too. They all loved you like crazy too; well maybe not as much as I do though, that privilege belonged only to me, I suppose.

And who could fault you? Who wouldn’t love you? You made it impossible not to love you, especially when you loved back so unconditionally. For someone so small, your heart was humongous.

I’m sure many others have gone through what I am going through now; by right we humans are supposed to outlive our pets and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

If I had gone before you, who then would look after you? It will be harder for you than it will be for me. So I am glad in that morbid sense that you wouldn't have to live without me.

But I do ponder how I will live without you.

As they had said in the movie 10 promises to my dog, I have work, my friends, and other family members, so I will, or rather should be able to move on (which I promise you, I will strive to do so), but to you, I’m all you have. Is that true?

Watching you through FaceTime/Skype, looking for me, waiting for me at the door. Its breaks my heart, but I’m inclined to believe that that is the truth.

I am all you have, and I’m so sorry for leaving you, for going 5000 miles away when you need me most. I thought that we would have more time; apparently I thought wrongly, the kindness of the gods/universe/whatever is out there, is probably reaching its limit.

I really want to be beside you now, but I guess you already knew that.

I blame timing, I blame fate, I blame destiny and everything else, but it still leaves me powerless to change the fact that I can’t come home to you in this dire time.

I believe that you remember our promise, and that you will wait for me.

(Wait for me to come home and give me a little bit more time with you please.)

With that, I have decided.

Decided to stop crying and to take care of myself; to believe in you, place all my faith in the world in you, that no matter how tough it is, no matter how much you feel like giving up, that you won’t, and that you will honour this selfish wish of mine, because you love me as much as I love you.

So as I sit here writing this to you, in a probably vain attempt to let it all out, to place this seal on my tears, to be replaced with a smile; as I try to hide my worries for you and trudge on and go on with life as normal as any other human has to in this cruel human society that does not formally recognise pets as family.

I wish again to be by your side, but let’s keep it sealed for the time being okay? And we will write again when the seal breaks.

I’m forever yours.

-サヤカ-

How does one let go?

I think it's been almost more than a decade, and the thoughts still plague me from time to time.

How does one let go and move on?


-サヤカ-

written in conjunction with the article, "Barricaded City" featured in the Star Metro on 14th December 2009. Yes, I've sent it to them, but since I don't have time, and we don't really buy the Star any more... I doubt they published it...

but yeah, this is for all those suckers out there, living on the charity of their neighbours, (cause they refuse to pay the fees for the gated and guarded community, yet can boast that they enjoy it... and that if they don't pay others will.. ooh trust me, idiots like those are my neighbours) and for those acting like nincompoops cause they are selfish and inconsiderate. thank you.. and enjoy!


******

Firstly, I am not anti establishment, I just speak the truth, as I see it.

Humans are, to a certain extent selfish and self-centred, especially when it concerns strangers. They only care about their own convenience and safety and not those of others.
The complaints from general road users regarding the unreasonableness of the road closures, I feel, is unfounded, and just plain selfish. What do these people have to lose from the road closures? They are merely strangers passing through

True, the roads in residential areas are public roads, but what is the main purpose of these roads? They are for the residents themselves to use, it is their access to enter their own houses; these roads are not meant to be short cuts for drivers to “pass through” just because they don’t want to wait at the junction or a traffic light. In fact they speed (going above 30kmph) through a residential area. Is that not illegal??!!

As far as I can see, these drivers are merely losing some (minimal) time and convenience.

A very minor, if not inconsequential loss, yet they kick up a fuss, scream their lungs out at the security guards, very unsightly, and all because they have to wait longer at junctions, or for the traffic light. It is just selfishness speaking. Have they ever thought, what would the residents lose if these access roads were still widely accessible to the public? Are they themselves not residents somewhere else?

Residents, I believe, may lose their sense of security, their possessions, their safety, their dignity and sometimes, even their lives. An exaggeration? I think not.

The fact that residents have decided to take the matter of their security into their own hands proves that it is a paramount failure of the Federal Government and our Police force. Would residents do this if the Federal Government and the Police made them feel secure? The simple answer would be, no.

Take for example, in just under 2 weeks, 4 houses in my area were robbed. In broad daylight, my own father was robbed right outside our house while trying to enter the front gate. A friend of mine, had her home broken into during the wee hours of the morning, her sister was held captive while they were robbed.

In all these scenarios, some have been hurt physically, some not, but without a doubt, they have all been scarred psychologically. The security in PJ is so poor, parents fear for their children, and children fear for their parents. It may just be a few rotten apples in the basket, but it is a known fact that most Malaysians do not trust the Police. The Police have failed to show us results, and the Federal Government does nothing about it, and nothing about our declining security.

If road users would like to point fingers, point them at MBPJ who authorised the closure of the roads, point them at the 85% of residents who cared enough for their family’s and neighbours safety, point them to the Federal Government and the Police for the lack of security, or the sense of it among the residents. Point all you want, but it will get you no where. Ever wondered what is the point of pointing fingers?

Find your compassion, think of others. Just a slight compromise in their safety, and it could be fatal; it could result in permanent physical damage, paranoia, or the loss of a life. I admit my friends, that yes, what the residents are doing is an act of selfishness but they have a bigger price to pay then the mere loss of time and convenience.

But I guess the best part of it all is the irony. I am sure a number of these road users, are from gated communities themselves, so what is the fuss about exactly?

Oh, and the thing about emergencies? Boomgates can always be unlocked and opened.

******

p/s: this is the original version before editing and before i cut out certain parts.... namely the pointing finger part from what I sent to the papers. reason? well it would be too long to explain why i included MPBJ, cause apparently they won't give any written documents to actually prove that they allowed the closure of the roads.. but, apparently there is a guideline from MBPJ that states you need 85% (min) of the residents to agree... (click on the word "guideline", there are two links attached to it)

=.=' so in the end, I didn't want to send stuff that i didn't have time to research on....

oh yeah, on another note, I've not been much of a diplomat as of late.. (i doubt i ever was much of one to start with) but yes, please don't mind me... and my so called evil-ness streak running rampant currently... maybe it's the Christmas season? cause it pissess me off.... muahahahhaha

(okay, okay it doesn't la, I like holidays cause it means food and wine la... =.=')

I'm done with the twilight series, well was done yesterday. so all 4 books gone..

What can I say about it.. hmmm~ well... the English was okay, fairly simple to understand, not the type where you've to reach for a dictionary every few words, that made reading it quite fast as well I guess... simple english... i didn't feel the need to reach for the dictionary at all actually...

Story wise... if I weren't crazy bout vampires (and supernatural stuff, and mysteries etc..)... I might not have picked it up?

Writing wise... ermmm.... okay, I guess? it was in the first person point of view... words/sentences used were... very teenager-like... some things felt a bit stupid like.. "a scream wanted to escape my throat but for Edward's hand" (something along those line if you get my drift) or something like that... but ermm.. I can't place my finger on it.. but I find lines like that stupid.... maybe I read too much Tolkien? =.=' i need more dramatic description...? haha

I mean storywise, if you tell me a huge vampire coven is coming after you... that's okay... but.. ermm.. starting from about the 3rd book onwards..? the writing style.. didn't agree that much with me... or maybe it was the plot.. I think it was the plot... somehow it didn't appeal that much to me...

the first book was more intruiging.. suddenly i get werewolves and crap.. that was all still okay.. the way she got me in suspense... by first describing an animal bigger than a bear.. which we later find out to be wolves... but not any wolves.. but those wolves.. and those people... but going on to the 3rd and 4th book.. i felt the plot a little weak, and sort of rushed...

and a bit crappy.. why did her powers suddenly became so damn powerful??? like.. errr..? i find that part kind of irritating... (too cliché perhaps? the reason why i don't watch much anime anymore, you know dragon ball and stuff.. no offense though...) whatever, it's a supernatural story.. so yea.. if you read it with an empty head... (it's suitable for leisure reading) it's nice.. overall, it's okay.... (once i overlooked a number of stuff, which I had decided to, to make reading more pleasurable) so still not that bad a read, if you love supernatural stuff, and vampires like moi haha..

-Oracl3-

I now know how some people feel when we keep calling them hypocrites.. (I'm not talking about politicians..) but guess what... (although in this particular case, no one has openly called me that, except me, myself & I)

I think, some people are nice, that's why they are hypocrites.. (hard to believe? it's not really intentional, they do really feel sorry and sincerely want to help the person.. perhaps... we can't really call them hypocrites then? but I digress...pity such as theirs, more often then not get abused... steel yourself!!) sometimes on this planet, I don't know why, but there appears a sort of person that can force you to be a hypocrite when you don't want to be one. but you find it so hard not to be one... without even realising it, if you don't stop to think...

seriously, if you didn't think, you wouldn't realise it... (come to think of it... actually in a lot of small little ways we are hypocrites...little Napoleons.. we can't survive in this cruel society otherwise... how many times were we forced to say or do things against our believe, because society or your peers, for that matter think it is the right thing to do?)

example... you don't really like the person, (i.e. the person isn't someone you would really bother to hang out with, or deal with, unless absolutely necessary...) but you are okay with the person, (i.e not repulsed, you don't think the person as a cockroach or something like that, civil human beings at least would think that right?)..

you are fairly neutral and civil to the person.... I mean, what's there to be not neutral and civil?? just don't expect me to act like your long lost buddy... we are all generally nice people... but...

well for me... honestly..... I don't really care.. (if you do something to piss me off, I get angry fast and cool down just as fast.. if you own up and apologise, even better..) just stay off my tail, leave me alone... respect me, and I respect you... you want to bitch behind my back, fine.. it's normal... as they say, what you don't know can't hurt you... people need to rant, I understand that..

The reason why I don't exactly conform to society, but do conform to society's pressure in certain ways (hope you understand what I'm trying to say) is because I want a peaceful life.... no, or little drama... I like my privacy and my life, thank you very much.. but what is pissing me off is that I can't say my mind... every time.... time and time again... God!! why are there people like this on earth??

I know, I know.. to test my patience... and my sincerity, they make the world a colourful place.. so that I've something to laugh about when I'm not that pissed... so with this rant.. I am going to do my best to put it behind me, and just be a robot... to all those sort of people.. (so that I can't, hopefully be a hypocrite) it's just that.. actually.. I think the idiocy irritates me more...

Can't beat them? join them... let's all be little Napoleons.. Utopia does not exist.. never did, never will... life is cruel... and what can we do but just live it... sigh, the irony of it all..

-Oracl3-

haha the title could make for a good book :p

First week back….

Warning: huge crap-ology ahead… do not read if what you lack is time… or interest.. it’s okay I understand.. Still love you all the same… haha

It’s been a while since I wrote anything in English, and well something this lengthy haha… nothing much to blog about (in English as of late besides random ramblings in Japanese… causing me to lose readers, since only one fella.. I think, can read Japanese, and I think he couldn’t be arsed since my grammar is horrendous hahaha)

Oh well, life goes on…. As it must and will, whether you like it or not, it will not, and cannot wait for you…. The same goes for my muse… another reason why I haven’t been blogging lately…? No muse? haha… although by default, I don’t think I really need one…. I need a better internet connection at home (pages aren’t loading..sobs), time and… Ermm.. But that’s another story…

So my first week back at work has finally ended.. With…. More to come… that being beside the point, I guess… haha, since I’ve already worked at this same firm during my chambering time, the familiarity is there, and there wasn’t much adjusting in to do. Since I’ve already known and worked with the people that I’m working with now when I was chambering there, during half of my chambering duration. (Spent first half in corporate, next in litigation)

What can I say... going back to work, after 2 months of not - so - active brain usage…. Hmmm~ well.. Going through documents now… is a bit of a pain on the eyes.. Literally… I don’t know if it’s my astigmatism or something…. (Guess I’ve to go back to printing them out to view rather than stare at the computer, or risk going blind =.=’ or make a new pair of spectacles, that hopefully doesn’t increase my headache..) But oh well….

Ermm, work wise… well corporate is corporate.. To be honest I find it a tad harder than litigation, (learning wise) in terms of understanding and documentation, because well, stuff in litigation, we basically covered in CLP, (not everything, but at least we had a basics of sorts to start with) but corporate… well, let’s just say… university didn’t really equip us for it..

But in a sense, that’s cool, it makes it a challenge, cause you have to learn everything from the ground up…. (Searches really hard for her brain haha) not to say litigation isn’t cool… haha.. I already miss going to court…. (ermm only that particular court though… haha… I miss my dockbrief days.. days where I had to run between court rooms to enter judgements... sigh, those were the days my friend…we thought they’d never end… la la la la…)

Either than that, learning is learning.. And I believe I will get a hang of it sooner or later.. I managed it before; I believe I can do it again… what’s life without a few challenges? Need to un-blur myself haha…

Oh, and also… in the office I’ve to remind myself.. I AM NOT USING A MAC!! And at home… I AM NOT USING WINDOWS!! ….. Makes me feel kinda crap sometimes… sigh..

What other difficulties I’ve been encountering?? Hmmm well, waking up in the morning, and trying to get the brain to function at that time, is another challenge… a real huge one, might I add haha..

I’m a nocturnal creature, forced to live under the glare of the shining star….

Although, after last night… I take that back.. This so-called nocturnal creature has sort of adapted to living under the shining star, that sleeping at 5am last night, was a huge torture to me..

Why?? Cause my body kept trying to wake up around 7-8 am… and I had to force it back to sleep, only to have it wake up again round 9 something and then 10 something…. Till finally my friend called me at about a quarter to 12.. I gave up… but damn… The mind and the body… cooperate!!!

You know you got home late, you know you slept late… stop trying to get up early.. It’s a freaking Saturday for crying out loud… gosh!!

Oh which reminds me speaking of Saturday.. Happy Deepavali to all my friends! Especially Shanie *hugs* you need that! ☺

Right, another thing, adjusting my sleeping hours was also quite difficult due to some miraculous jet lag I experienced…

I just don’t understand why… when we go over to Europe, we don’t experience jet lag, we can adjust to the time there so nicely, but when we come back home.. by golly, I don’t get why the jet lag is so bad…

In all my years of travel, I’ve never, and I repeat, never experienced jet lag this bad…

Err, why jet lag? Well, since no one in particular has been wondering about my disappearance…. It’s cause I was on holiday in Italy and Greece, a week before I started work…

Ooh yeah… living the high life, as some friends had teased haha.. But anyway yes, was in Europe, took almost 30 hours to get back from there to home.. Door to door, I mean.. With all the transits… =.=’ cause we had to fly from Athens to Milan, from Milan to Bangkok, and Bangkok to home…

One whole day of airplane food… managed to cause me to lose all the weight I picked back up in Italy and Greece, and my appetite as well, which hasn’t been well since I fell ill and stayed ill a few months back.. (Still not fully recovered actually… sigh..)

So yes, stuck in airplanes and airports for more than 24 hours, having nothing but airplane meals took their toll on me, and when I touched down, I had to immediately make arrangements to meet a friend who would be marrying the next day, and we had to go over the wedding plans, since he kindly requested that I co-emcee his wedding XD (Thanks Ray & Ivy, for that opportunity and Shane for the books..)

Anyway, slept a measly 2 hours or so, woke up feeling like the whole body was made of lead… forced myself to get ready, headed over to the groom’s place… discussion with the other wedding planners.. bla bla… home to bed, woke up early for cousin’s wedding… on the 3rd of October, it ended in the afternoon, rushed home, got ready in under an hour for the next wedding… (Ray’s wedding).. Rushed there, went through stuff with co-emcee, and everything went from there..

After the wedding dinner at about 11 something, headed to Mel’s house for a Mooncake festival gathering kinda thingie.. Stayed till round 2 something before heading home, and finally.. Rest…

Rest of the week was adjusting my time back to wake up in the morning… and then work started… such is life… when things get hectic, they are hectic… but it was cool… loved it all.. Tiring and torturous as it was..

Now the goal is... to gain back some weight apparently, although I don’t mind the weight I have now, but if I lose anymore.. I was told by a friend that it would be the death of me.. He’s not cussing me, don’t get me wrong, it’s true anyway… so yes, no more losing weight for me.. It’s either maintain it as it is... or gain 2-3 kgs… and maintaining it at that…

First, I need to find my appetite again.. Which seems to be cured by not so spicy food, which again, my stomach seems incapable of taking after not taking it for so long.. haha… I should really lay off my C2-O5-OH haha

Only good news for the time being is… my appetite seems to be returning a bit, but it’s not what it used to be.. Due to the stomach ailment.. so one step at a time.. That’s what I do with everything now a days…

-Oracl3-

P/s: oh, by the way, did I ever mention that my first day back to work started out bloody?? How’s that for a first day back to work… =.=’
あれはねロスコちゃんの血いです。たく始めて見てだよ、びくりした。。。ベビのうしろう「backside?」はきずがある。。。大変な，私のベビ。。。

Stupid Maxis, stupid internet connection.. sigh…this is a Mac.. not windows.. damn the short cut keys…

Equality is in my opinion a Utopian concept. It does not truly exist, nor would, I doubt, it ever exist, at least not in my lifetime.

Discrimination is everywhere, present here and now, in force whether we realise it or not. Discrimination between the races, culture and sexes are among the few examples of the types of discrimination we face everyday. Thankfully the world is opening up and in this 21st century we are blessed with people who are willing to free themselves from the four corners of their boxes and venture out, and embrace new things, new ideologies, new culture.

Discrimination, I believe can be traced back way, way back even to the Stone Age. They may not exactly have any discrimination against race or culture back then, but it was obvious that there was discrimination of the sexes. Which is actually the main topic of this write up today. My knowledge of what I am about to write here, is knowledge I have gathered from talking to people, observing society and reading random materials over the course of the 20 odd years of my life. So please feel free to correct me on points, which you feel, are discrepant.

Back to the main topic, discrimination of the sexes.

When this planet was made, Men and Women were made as well, males and females were made so, that they cannot reproduce without the other, and would have likely died out if not for each other. (Although now with technology, I would actually boldly state that Women can reproduce without men, if you know about Dolly the sheep, you will roughly know where I am coming from, but that’s besides the current point.)

Therefore, since both are needed to reproduce wouldn’t one think that they ought to be equals? Unfortunately, no, Men are Women are made differently; Women are mysteriously made weaker, physically, compared to Men. A man can easily kill a woman with his bare hands whereas the opposite is not true for the woman. (but both are quite mentally competent if I may say so myself.)

Have you ever watched documentaries on animals like National Geographic? If you did, you would have noticed that the alpha male is the strongest in the pack, physically strongest I would add. Hence it could be possible to say that the discrimination of the sexes is an animal instinct. (Essential for the survival of the fittest, if not for such a thing, I think a lot of species would have died out) Men are generally stronger; a woman could exercise the same amount as a man and not get any muscles, whereas the man could easily get bulky. In order to reproduce, we can’t have a pregnant lady fighting a dinosaur and risking a miscarriage, and effectively failing in reproduction and resulting in the death of the species.

Hence it could be likely that the reason Women were not made that strong was because they don’t need that strength unlike Men. So the Men had to do the dirty and dangerous work. But again looking at animal instinct, (as humans have been said to be animals, but the most well evolved one) the physically strongest of the pack becomes the leader. Thus, I would say that it is the most plausible reason why the Women follow the Men.

If a Women refuses to follow it would be quite easy to put her in place by just hitting her (as some beings lower than the human race, nay, they cannot even deserve to be called humans, do even to this very day). Women would most likely lose in a physical fight (forget martial arts, the idea here is if the woman knows martial arts the man knows it as well. She would most likely still lose; it’s a battle of strength here).

Hence, it started the dominance of Men over Women. Imagine in the stone age, when a man saw a woman he liked, he would hit her on the head and drag her back to his cave by her hair!! To be his so-called “wife”. (As there was no such term then) What brutality, even a woman during the Stone Age had no right of choosing her own husband and is instead brutally kidnapped. What discrimination is this?!

This passed on into the centuries, where Women were taken as wombs, and were not educated, nor was the need seen. Being uneducated, Women were brought up to have conservative minds to listen to the Men and just be obedient. (like the case in Salt Lake City if I’m not wrong, some sort of religious sect) This was enforced with the introduction of religion with the formation of governments. (Which I felt was actually meant to control the economy, i.e. the taxation, rules and the beginning of law etc notice that all the religious leaders are all Men!!) And most likely the males all got arrogant, as this kind of act gives them the feeling of power, the feeling of power they have over Women, another human being. Thus, giving birth to ego and most likely the chauvinistic Men.

Women however suffered, brilliant minds were snuffed out, the Men continued to subdue Women and built a society for Men. (Look at history at the ancient civilisations, all ruled by Men, Women had no place in politics or ruling; Women were not even allowed on the Olympic grounds, what more to join in, and could only watch it from a far.)

But, thankfully, I guess the Men started to realise, that having an uneducated Women, as they progressed wasn’t very good. Some Men preferred intellectual Women, and it was better if Women could at least read. And thankfully, there were some fathers out there who felt that his daughter deserved an education (usually happens when they are denied sons and uses the daughters as substitutes, but some really do think that their daughters should have a right to education, thank goodness for fathers like that). Thank goodness for some of the Men who had the right mind to look at the other side of the coin, and decided that Women are not stupid, and ought to be educated as well.

Hence slowly, the females were being educated. But with education, some of them started to think on their own, and started asking for equality, something non-existent, unless in my opinion, the day comes where Men can carry a baby in their body, suffer through the pains of child birth and give birth to it. What they are actually looking for, I would personally say is better rights, less oppression, better access to knowledge, and overall a better life. Not a life hidden away in the shadows.

In those days they even had clubs especially for Men, where Women were not allowed to join or even work in. (That could probably well explain the male domination of most professions as Women were just expected to sit at home and mind the children.) Since Women weren’t educated until later. Women who dabbled in things we would call scientific, such as traditional herbs and healing medicines were called witches and burnt at the stake whereas the Men were revered as Scientists, the injustice of it all.

We are in some sense lucky that some Men had loved their wives, daughters, sisters or mothers enough, and revered them a higher standing and allowing them to inherit property. (Such as the ancient Egyptian empire, if I am not wrong, the mother of the King holds and honourable position) Thus in effect, raising the status of Women in society, and allowing it to evolve into what it is today.

There are Men out there who don’t view Women as sexual objects but as human beings like them, who should be given, whenever possible the equal opportunity as Men, and thank goodness for Men like that. Though now as more Women get educated, they are also learning to fight for their rights, as human beings, Women should not be treated like a slave, or a womb, just to give birth, or cook and clean for the family.

Unfortunately I’ve noticed that although society is changing, a number of Men still cannot except that Women are being independent, especially the urban Women, and most Men feel threatened by that. Threatened by the fact that they are no longer needed to put food on the table or as the protector of the family because the Women are capable of that. Thus they think independent Women are not cute, and buy brides from other countries. The Men’s chauvinistic character it would seem unfortunately did not recede with the change of position and status of the Women folk. We could also say that society does not really allow them to as well. (But it can be seen that the younger society is attempting to change.)

It is like a stereotype that we were born with, where boys were wrapped in a blue blanket and girls in pink. However, we can note and see that girls will wear blue and play with cars and trucks, but the same is usually not true for boys, though some of them may now wear soft pastel pink, but they frown against playing with dolls and see it as wrong. The society’s perception set in their minds since centuries ago, that these are Women things, Men will not do it. And the Women’s thinking that, she no longer wants to be oppressed and will break into the Men’s world and do what the Men can.

I think it is a fact, Men can never be Women and vice versa, what is left is to just respect each other. Women should respect the fact that Men are physically stronger and are meant to do certain kinds of work, which actually by fact, if the Women really wanted it, and with the help of technology she can do as well. (It’s like girls playing with cars but boys not playing with dolls.)

And Men should respect Women, understand that they are the weaker sex, but they definitely should not be oppressed and be given better or if possible equal rights/opportunities (such as equal opportunity for education). Society should be taught that girls are okay too (China should stop killing baby girls). We are not stupid or useless; we can inherit property as well. And we can actually carry on the surname as well (as in Japan where the son-in-law may be adopted into the family and carry the wife’s surname).

What I’ve noticed in society is that there is still a general lack of respect for Women, sure the highly educated/professionals respect, or at least try their best to respect each other no matter the sex, but when you get rapists and molesters, this are typical Stone Age Men who have failed to evolve, and still wish to empower Women, and who do not respect Women and most likely think they don’t have to be respected.

Society deserves a hard smack on the head, and taught to think with an open mind, it doesn’t matter if this discrimination has been so deeply embedded in culture, if there are people, Men and Women willing to fight for it, someday, we may be looking at a future where Women will have rights almost equivalent to the Men, where Women will get the respect their deserve; respect almost, or I hope actually equal to Men. It feels like a Utopian dream, but it could be possible with the right education, and with the right minds, and will to change societies.

Men on the other hand shouldn’t be thinking that because Women want equality that they should do everything themselves, like from what I’ve noticed in my scouting, for example in chopping wood, the boys will not help the girls saying they are strong enough. I don’t really think that is the point. As stated it is a fact, Women are the weaker sex, we don’t have as much physical strength, besides it is being courteous to help a friend, is it not? If your friend, regardless of sex were having difficulty chopping the wood, which you know you’re most likely capable of, would you not offer your help? (You should, it’s manners. So learn, society lacks manners, especially, sadly, in this country as posted before based on the little survey I did sometime back around last year.)

So yes, respect each other, and help each other, you chop the wood & I can help you sew, I don’t really see the problem with that as long as Women are not treated as objects but normal human beings like the Men. (We were after all made differently) I think that is in effect what Women are actually looking for, but couldn’t word properly. (Hence the word “equality”) So to the, Men please respect the Women, and to the Women, please respect the Men, and to both sexes, please continue to strive for better rights for Women. (We should not be locked at home, not allowed to leave the home unaccompanied, we should not feel fear walking out on the street alone, we should all be given equal education, we should have the right to choose our spouse, we do not need to hide. Society can free Women, and the first step has to be taken by us all)

Also this might seem quite feminist, but I think Men should just endure it when Women say it’s the Men’s fault for a certain number of things (such as society’s mentality and way of thinking), as we can all associate it to the discrimination of their fore fathers and fathers before that, i.e. the Men of old, it’s the least they could do for the centuries of oppression of Women, though they will argue that they aren’t like that. But it’s a fact that society was made like that, and it’s good that they realise that though, and are hopefully willing to change society, cause if they don’t aren’t they then the same as their forefathers and fathers before that?

To the Men, hey what’s wrong with wearing florescent pink and playing with dolls?

-Oracl3-

P/s: this discrimination of the sexes can actually be applied to the discrimination of races etc, one race thinks it’s more superior than the other, and well they have the numbers to enforce that thought by forming society, and there you have it. Discrimination, again I would say, education and teaching people to broaden their horizons will help to alleviate this problem somewhat. And people need to stop thinking they are so damned special when we are all humans, when we get cut, no matter the skin colour, our blood is all red. (But as I said it’s a Utopian concept or we wouldn’t be having any wars now would we?)

Ahh, yes, the moment of truth... (with a capital B)

Let me get this straight.. I still love you, it, whoever, or whatever I happen to be bitching about.. (whenever I do bitch...) but well, yeah.. life just gets to you sometimes...

People who bitch in general,
Are people who are pissed,
People who are pissed,
Are angry people,
People who are angry,
Are people who are unhappy,
People who are unhappy,
Are miserable people...
And well, people who are miserable...
Are just that.. miserable..
So have some pity....

So the conclusion is, in general, Miserable people are people who bitch...

And the more miserable they are, the more they bitch...

So instead of getting angry at people who bitch, listen to what they have to say, and seek the truth and logic in that, and maybe help them along, or keep it to yourself, but please don't get angry with them and start spreading gossips or whatever (as I've noticed it's always the case, going behind the person's back.... Well...... Hey........ come to think of it, doesn't that count as bitching as well??? O_O' Krud...)

Cause people who bitch are miserable people, so we should feel sorry for such miserable people, and revive that compassion we have hidden in our souls..

So yes, please pity me when I bitch (as I do as well.). And to be honest, (I've noticed, both in others and personally) when we bitch we don't really mean it, we're just ranting, people need to let the miserable things off their chest to move on and be slightly more happier...
So let's all forgive people who bitch... cause bitching is just part of human nature..

(And to everyone who caught me bitching, my sincerest apologies... after all, no matter how much I deny it, I'm unfortunately still human, and am living in this society of humans....)

Thank you

The end

-Oracl3-

P/s: Ah, you could tell that things haven't been going that great? Why, thank you... Though I have a number of things to be thankful for.. Am searching for the lining in the silver clouds... and well.. no matter how worse off we think we are.. there are people worse off than us....

Errr..... Does this count as bitching too??? =.='

Got the link for the video below off my sister...



When it first started playing I was like hey.... I know the place.. so I restarted it to read the front part, to know the venue.. and I was like damn! I really miss the place... Sigh....

I used to stay at my cousin's at Liverpool St... So, yes, am very familiar with the Liverpool street station... XD

Damn I really miss London.. The transportation system there was way better than ours.. as in more connected.. minus the "Man under the train" every now and again.....

T-mobile did a really good advertisement.. I think it must have taken quite a bit of work.. since they can only practise between about 1-2am till about 5-6 am.. that's the only time the stations are closed...

I still remember having to pick my sister up at about 12 at night haha... it was really that safe, that I could just run out like that to catch a train/The Underground to go get her at Victoria station... I miss that sense of security.... (However, there are still crooks & drunks, so you still have to be careful....)

Don't ever ask me to do it here.. I might never come home alive..... =.='

-Oracl3-

I think we both know it's kinda good that I didn't go... Though I'm always mean to you (good naturedly.... For me at least haha)... For my own evil entertainment... like this sentence... "You know today at the office I... and.... it was... and.... floating... So I had to.... twice..." You know what I'm talking about... muahaha [Where's the onion head when you need it for evil depictions!!!]

You know how upset I'll get at that moment..... haha... Not a piece of Ice after all... :p

Safe flight! Mauxz!!!

...And my fourth day of work crawls on me from behind.....

*Leaves a bloody trail behind....*

-Oracl3-

Edited 10th October 2008, 0053

"In the beginning after God had created Man, seeing him so feeble, He gave Man the dog" -Alphonse Toussenel, Zoologist-

(And thank God for that!!)

犬はあなたを愛してる．だって犬には、あなたしかいないのだから。
-The dog loves you. That's because it only has you-

Title: いぬとわたしのじゅうのやくそく: 10 Promises to my dog

I was watching this movie the other day [It's a March 2008 release..], and never have I cried so hard for a movie, since watching Wind struck.. (Maybe even harder).. But well, dog owners who love their dogs to bits would be able to connect to the show.. but steer clear, if dogs don't appeal to you, or if you don't fancy bawling your eyes out..

On another note.. the title of the movie was inspired by the book, 10 Commandments to dog ownership. And the 10 promises in the movie was really touching.. so here it is...

犬と私の10の約束

• 一．私の話「はなし」を我慢[がまん]強「つよ」く聞「き」いて下さいね。
• -Please listen to me patiently-

• 二．私を信「しん」じて、私はいつもあなたの味方「みかた」です。
• -Trust me, I'm always on your side-

• 三．私とたくさん遊「あそ」んで。
• -Play with me a lot-

• 四．私にも心「こころ」があることを、忘「わす」れないで。
• -Don't ever forget that I've feelings too-

• 五．ケンカはやめようね、本気「ほんき」になったら私が勝「か」っちゃうよ！
• -Let's never fight, you never know, I might win when I'm serious!-

• 六．言「い」う事「こと」を聞「き」かない時「とき」は、理由「りゆう」があります。
• -If I don't listen to you, I have my reasons-

• 七．あなたは学校「がっこう」もあるし、友達「ともだち」もいるよね、でも私にはあなたしかいません。
• -You have your school and friends, but as for me, I only have you-

• 八．私が年「とし」をとっても仲良「なかよ」くして下さい。
• -Please stay my best friend even when I'm old-

• 九。私は十年「じゅうねん」くらいしか生「い」きられません、だから，一緒「いっしょ」にいる時間「じかん」を大切「たいせつ」にしようね。
• -I can only live for about ten years, so let's treasure every moment together-

最後「さいご」の約束は．．．

• 十．あなたとすごした時間「じかん」を忘「わす」れません。私が死「し」ぬ時「とき」お願「ねが」いします、そばにいてね。
• -Never forget our time together. So when my time comes, please be by my side-

*****
I found this off the net, it's a bit different, I guess that maybe it's because it's from the novel.. maybe..

There's one with translations, but it's not very accurate... in fact the translation sucks.. but I'm too lazy now to do it.. since I need to sleep, me being really tired.. maybe later I'll edit this post, and correct some of the translations..

Edit: Okay, here are the translations for the ones that are different from the ones I got from the movie.. Unless stated otherwise.. I find the translations totally off.. Just compare it yourself...

1.私と気長「きなが」につきあって下さい
-Please have patience when you are with me-

2. 私を信じて下さい。それだけで私は幸せです。
-Please trust in me, that is my only happiness..-

3 & 4 is the same, and the translation for 4 is totally out, mine [above] is better.

5. 私にたくさん話しかけて下さい。人間の言葉「ことば」は話せないけど、わかったいます。
-Please talk a lot to me. I may not speak the Human language, but I do understand it-

6. 私をたたかないで。本気になったら私のほうが強いことを忘れない下さい。
-Don't fight with me. Please don't forget that when I'm serious I'm much stronger than you-
(Same as above, but the wording in Japanese is different)

7. Is the same, I think.. I don't know what's that kanji after 年..

8. Is worded differently in Japanese, [slightly compared to the movie version] but it means the same.. and no.. there is no "entertainment & work" it just says, school and friends... =.=' though yes.. entertainment and work.. may be used.. where it applies...

9. 私は十年くらいしか生きられません．だから，できるだけ私と一緒にいてください。
-I can only live for about 10 years. So if it's possible, please stay by my side, always.-

10. 私が死ぬ時、お願いです。そばにいて下さい。そして、どうか覚「おぼ」えていて下さい。私がずっとあなたを愛していたことを。
-When my time comes, please be by my side. And somehow, please remember that I'll always love you-

Anyway I'll try to keep this ten promises to my precious as well :) And lucky for me, toy breeds, live for about 15 to 17 years.. So, cheers to a long life of companionship with me to precious!!

-Oracl3-

Sigh... of all the interviews [okay, that sounded like I've been to like a billion, but in actual fact, I've only been to four...] I've been too, they all gave me a speedy response, as to offering me a position.. but only today.. almost 3 weeks(?) later after that interview, they call me up, offering me a place??

I was like.. "ermm.. sorry, you guys were too late... "
*cue song from Micheal learns to rock, 25 minutes to late...*

Oh well, sad.. they were that nice firm that offered me a tour and a doughnut after my interview.. (Maybe the offer was so late.. because I wasn't their first option.. even more sad... As I'd told them at the interview that I was still awaiting results?? The call I just got proved to me, that they are blur as the existance of the CLP results.... which have been out for at least 2 weeks... sigh...)

Now I need to wait for the firm which offer I accepted to call me to go down to KL to sign the offer letter.. I'll give them till Friday? before calling them?? hmmm~

On a separate note.. this was the easiest turn down I've ever done... I've felt so guilt wrecked for having to turn down the other firms.. but not so guilty for this.. guess, it was because they were too slow.. as well..... :p

*****
Before I sign off, a list for myself.. to remind myself of the list of things I ought to do and to stop procrastinating!!

1. Sort pictures from 2006-2007 for developing
2. Finish photo album with current pictures
3. Translate the Ghost Hunt Manga Volume 10
   
4. Wash bathroom
   
5. tidy room... (Well only one corner is messy....)
   
6. Iron clothes....
7. Tidy up cupboard...
   
8. Practise musical instruments?
9. Blog? Well, when I find the mood.. and time...
10. Tidy up the "Work" room next door.. well after I'm done with it..
    
11. ... Anything else I deem fit to enter into this entry.....

-Oracl3-

"If you wish hard enough, wishes do come true..."

• Wonder how true is that?
• Are there really wishes? Or are they actually prayers?
  
• Do they really come true?
• Who listens to these wishes?
• Who or what actually grants them? If they are even granted...
  
• Maybe they are partially granted?
• Maybe it takes years to come true? If you are patient and tenacious enough to keep on wishing...
• How do they come true?
  

-Oracl3-