The smooth surface,
Almost mirror like,
Watching it unknowingly,
I entered its flow,
Unconsciously submerged by it,
Fighting to grasp the sky,
Before being pulled down again,
Following it’s flow,
Unable to turn back,
The road is set;
I shall head to sea,
Can you see the future?
It’s unpredictable
✿Oracl3✿
** Because of precious' condition this year I forgot about the 3rd of October, which I guess in a sense was a blessing in disguise, but with the revival of my blog, I was going through my old posts and things I've written all these years, and found this poem which I wrote 5 years ago, aptly titled:
The Third of October
Like the summer rain fall,
It came without a call,
The third of October,
With autumn leaves a-flutter,
It was a day to remember.
Like a dream from many years,
The sands of tine flowed,
Your voice resonates against my ears,
An echo that could not be curbed.
But fate has decided,
She shall play her card,
Our paths once joined,
Were easily removed.
The time spent was short,
But it is a memory,
I will readily carry.
Though I think of you,
Only on days when the rain falls,
When the sun refuses to shine through the clouds;
A small smile will play on my face,
As the world moves slowly at my pace.
I have grown through those years,
Learnt to cherish what is dear,
And I shall sit here again next year,
By the window to watch the flowers.
And think fondly again of those days,
Like a child handling a precious toy,
Storing it away once more,
For this time again next year.
It's a poem that doesn't actually rhyme.. But here's a happy belated birthday to you.
This is the month where I've lost a lot of money....
No, no, not through gambling...... but through eating haha..
Have been going out a lot this month, (that would be fine, save for the places that I've been going were all so pricey.. sigh)
Anyway, had dinner with high school classmates on Thursday 121109, celebrated Cheese's Birthday on Saturday 141109, and 昨日はお母さんの誕生日です161109 (今日は実は九時午後ですはは), went out with University mate - QW with Ai kun on Sunday 151109.... badminton on Friday 131109 was a tad pricier now... =.=' went for movies.... watched 2012 on... Saturday after Cheese's Birthday as well...
Ermm... movie was so-so..... by the way, word of advice, watch with a not so intellectual mind and don't analyse too much.. either than that CGI suckers like me, should like it enough XD
Ahh, back to the outings.... sigh.... all so pricey.... am so broke.. sobs... please donate haha
hmm work wise... currently.. well..... self esteem is still a bit low, since I'm still facing a lot of things I don't know, especially with regard to the investments part.. ( still in the learning process - need to speed up!!!)..
guess it doesn't help that I am quite blur and slow..haha although I've some great and helpful teachers here :) A really big heartfelt thanks to them for sharing their knowledge with me, for correcting my mistakes and for putting up with my blur-ness (not to mention my retarded-ness haha though that's no secret I can be quite retarded :p) haha XD
All in all, it's still encouraging.. may be struggling to keep my head above the water, but its a good struggle.... if there's such thing as a good struggle... (life is a challenge??)
But yeah.. am working on it... (where art thou my beloved brain.. come back, come back to me... - ehem.. sorry.. being a bit Shakespearean dramatic here haha)
However, seriously, sitting on your butt the whole day and staring at the computer screen does take a toll on you... my butt feels so, so, so damn sore... so does my neck and shoulders from crouching over to read documents... my eyes... arghh... (having sensitive eyes is a pain.. literally..)
either than that... have been watching Fringe (stolen from my Master... haha) it's okay and all, quite addictive..... sometimes? but the best is Dr. Bishop, and his son Peter.. Dr. Bishop is so cute and funny haha.... I love his random obsession with food... (maybe it's cause I can connect with him on that level... only that level... I'm no mad scientist!! haha)
well that's all for the random rambling this round.. till then.. toodles....
Interesting read - is this what is commonly referred to as the reality of life?
Singapore girl wins Commonwealth essay prize! MUST READ TO SAFEGUARD YOUR VERY OWN FUTURE.* A TASTE FOR THINGS TO COME??????
A 15-YEAR-OLD Singaporean, competing against 16-> 18-year-olds, has won the top prize in a writing contest that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries...
In the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition, Amanda Chong of Raffles Girls' School (Secondary) chose to compete in the older category and won with a piece on the restlessness of modern life.
Her short story, titled What The Modern Woman Wants, focused on the conflict in values between an old lady and her independent- minded daughter.
'Through my story, I attempted to convey the unique East-vs-West struggles and generation gaps that I felt were characteristic of young people in my country,' said Amanda, who likes drama, history and literature and wants to become a lawyer and a politician...
Chief examiner Charles Kemp called her piece a 'powerfully moving and ironical critique of modern restlessness and its potentially cruel consequences' .
The writing is fluent and assured, with excellent use of dialogue. Amanda gets (S$1,590). A Singaporean last won the top prize in 2000, said Britain 's Royal Commonwealth Society, which has been organising the competition since 1883. Singaporeans also came in second in the 14 to 15-year-old category, and fourth in the under-12s. Other winners included students from Australia , Canada and South Africa
What the Modern Woman Wants... By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen
The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seat belt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance', 'Liquidation' , 'Assets', 'Investments' ... Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it.
Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent. The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval. ..... 'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.
'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily toward the backseat.. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter..
'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America . There have been a lot of problems.'
The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.
Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look. The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.
'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking' , Chinese ones being easily forgotten.
'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.' Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.
'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!' The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence.
The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.
'Ma, I'll wait outside.. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense. The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods. Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says... She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success.
What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness.. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smoldering ashes.
She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son. Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had ticked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name.
Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted.
Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man. She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen. She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood.
She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu, old fashioned... . She wanted her mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it. Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The Gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood faceless with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.
Her daughter had forgotten her mother's value. Her wants were so ephemeral, that of a modern woman. Power, wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter left the earth, everything she had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter now that she had looked out of the temple gates. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there – down.
The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life.
Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty souless shell at the altar. The old woman watched the joss stick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing.
Modern woman nowadays, the old lady signed in resignation, as she bowed to the east bone final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder whey they cannot find it. Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face.
An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sown the seeds of happiness. They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not to fast as she had done before. ‘Ma,’ Bee Choo finally said. "I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay us seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road .. Once we move into our apartment, we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves... .."
The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard. "We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out – but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that the apartment is rather small. There won't be space... We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home. There's one near Hougang – it's a Christian home and a very nice one."
The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. I"ve been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! Hardly have time for you, you'd be happier there." "You'd be happier there, really." her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself.
This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offering to cling tightly to, she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag and her fingers trace the white seat.
Ma, her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. "Is everything okay?
What had to be done, had to be done. "Yes" she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.
‘It's for you, Ma! You will be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda. 'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier.. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; money, status, career, love, power and now freedom without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down........
Yes she was free. Her phone butted urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. "Stock 10% increase." Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her and while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible and she did not see her in tears.
So fellow friends, save enough for your old age and don't try to rely on your children. Your responsibility is to give them the necessary education/training and life after that is theirs. If they chose to look after you, it is a bonus and thank the gods for it.
got this from my mom in the mail... guess that's how life is now adays, but i hope i don't end up like that..
I'm done with the twilight series, well was done yesterday. so all 4 books gone..
What can I say about it.. hmmm~ well... the English was okay, fairly simple to understand, not the type where you've to reach for a dictionary every few words, that made reading it quite fast as well I guess... simple english... i didn't feel the need to reach for the dictionary at all actually...
Story wise... if I weren't crazy bout vampires (and supernatural stuff, and mysteries etc..)... I might not have picked it up?
Writing wise... ermmm.... okay, I guess? it was in the first person point of view... words/sentences used were... very teenager-like... some things felt a bit stupid like.. "a scream wanted to escape my throat but for Edward's hand" (something along those line if you get my drift) or something like that... but ermm.. I can't place my finger on it.. but I find lines like that stupid.... maybe I read too much Tolkien? =.=' i need more dramatic description...? haha
I mean storywise, if you tell me a huge vampire coven is coming after you... that's okay... but.. ermm.. starting from about the 3rd book onwards..? the writing style.. didn't agree that much with me... or maybe it was the plot.. I think it was the plot... somehow it didn't appeal that much to me...
the first book was more intruiging.. suddenly i get werewolves and crap.. that was all still okay.. the way she got me in suspense... by first describing an animal bigger than a bear.. which we later find out to be wolves... but not any wolves.. but those wolves.. and those people... but going on to the 3rd and 4th book.. i felt the plot a little weak, and sort of rushed...
and a bit crappy.. why did her powers suddenly became so damn powerful??? like.. errr..? i find that part kind of irritating... (too cliché perhaps? the reason why i don't watch much anime anymore, you know dragon ball and stuff.. no offense though...) whatever, it's a supernatural story.. so yea.. if you read it with an empty head... (it's suitable for leisure reading) it's nice.. overall, it's okay.... (once i overlooked a number of stuff, which I had decided to, to make reading more pleasurable) so still not that bad a read, if you love supernatural stuff, and vampires like moi haha..
To everyone who celebrates it.. (Though it doesn't really matter if you do or don't, just enjoy the festivities!! XD)
""
Yes!! Rejoice for spring is here..... Well at least in China it is...... Short history to Chinese New Year?
If I'm not wrong, Chinese Astrologists used to calculate when spring would be coming every year, and we would celebrate, the coming of a new year, of a new harvest now that the harsh winter has passed....
However, Legend has it that, every certain number of days, this certain monster would come out... the monster was called 年 (nien, meaning year in Chinese) This monster would come every certain number of days and wreck havoc to the village for 15 days, leaving behind a trail of destruction.
So finally some wise old men... or so they say, they could have been young guys for all I know.. but apparently, this bunch of wise old men,or maybe an old man? Discovered that ,this Nien creature... Doesn't like the colour red, nor does it fancy loud sounds, and also it comes out every 300 or so days... (or at the beginning of spring??)
Hence before the predicted time, the old men/young guys/old man told the villagers to deck themselves and their houses in red and to release fireworks, for the period of 15 days... and lo and behold the Nien creature never returned... So every year they celebrate it as such........ THE END...
That's one of the stories.... I guess haha...
Okay, enough with that.. now it's the year of the Ox...... which.... I've no idea what the significance is.. Since it changes on a yearly basis.. but next year is the Tiger year, so hence the recession..... Why a recession every time it's the year of the Tiger.. Apparently because 虎, in Chinese is pronounced as "fu" which means bitter.. hence a bitter life.. Sigh......
Curious souls about the Chinese Astrology.... why do we have 12 animals and why is there no cat???
The story has it that.. one day Buddha invited all the animals for a celebration/banquet... or you may replace that with the Jade Emperor (A Heavenly being, Chinese has a lot of deities) invited all the animals to enter a race... (Am not very sure about the racing thing... But I do know about the Bhuddha celebration....Anyway...) For these events only 12 animals showed up... and they were (in sequence) the Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, and Pig.
Thus the years of the Chinese Zodiac, were named in accordance with which animal arrived at the banquet first/ finished the race first...
Sometimes we get people asking, why isn't there a cat? If there's the rat and dog, where's the cat?
Well story has it that.. The Rat and the Cat used to be the best of mates.. But somehow when the Banquet/Race invitations were sent out.. The rat being the smart little thing it was, realised that there was bound to be some prize involved or something.. So being the cunning little thing it was.. it told the Cat that the celebrations/race was a day after the actual date.. so the Cat naturally believing it's good friend, slept through the day in which the celebration/race was held, and therefore did not make it..
The Cat upon realising it was tricked, vowed vengeance upon the rat.. and thus till today.. Cats chase and kill mice....
Another thing about the story was.. the Rat being such a small creature, how could it reach the celerbation/finish the race first...?
Well, the Rat being the cunning little being it was... rode on the back of the Ox, and just as when the Ox was about to reach the finishing line. it jumped ahead of the Ox thus being the first creature...
So now we have it that, a person being born in the year of the rat will be cited as cunning and smart... as is the same with all the other animal years.. Apparently we take on some of the characteristics of the animal in which the year we were born in...
And there we have it.... Some...little stories on our Chinese New Year...
Why haven't there been any updates as of late? Well one word, and one word only...
"Deadlines.."
Yes, all the working and studying people has this hanging over their heads, and I'm not exempted.. Though today I've managed to find some spare time... Hence this..
Little update as to what I've been up to, would be, well work... what else... but work's been involving a lot of research lately.. normal though...
My Australian colleague, John has finished his attachment, and we have 2 Korean girls now! They are quite cool, they can not only speak, English, but also Mandarin, Japanese and some Manglish! It's really fun talking to them, and I get to practise my Japanese with them too... A pair of nice girls :)
Besides that... My social life has been really active this month... going out almost every weekend.. *sobs as more money leaves the bank account...* So it's been tiring... cause my Mondays to Fridays are basically the usual, wake up-go to work-come home- do some work/watch something - sleep, while my weekends have been, wake up- do some work- organise outings- going out-come home- sleep....
I was actually kind of lazy to blog today, (more like dead tired...) but I just recently recieved this nice power point slide in the mail, with some nice quotes.. so am just going to reproduce them here.... and... ermm... go play with the blender before I hit the sack.....
Respect cannot be demanded, it must be earned. Respect is earned only by giving it away
A smart man learns from his mistakes, a wise man learns from the mistakes of others
Never walk on the travelled path, because it only leads you to where others have been -Graham Bell-
Always, there is a drop of madness in love, yet always, there is a drop of reason in madness -F Nietzshe-
Time is very slow for those who wait, very fast for those who are scared, very long for thsoe who lament, very short for those who celebrate, but for those who love, time is eternity -William Shakespeare-
Many people lose the small joys , in hope for the big happiness -Pearl S Buck-
A good plan for today, is better than a perfect plan for tomorrow -George S Patton-
Why repeat the old errors, if there are so many new errors to commit -Bertrand Russel-
If a drop of water falls into a lake, it has no identity. But if it falls on a leaf of lotus, it shines like a pearl. We need to choose the best place where we can shine.
When we reach for the stars, we might not quite get them, but we won't come up with a handful of mud either -Leo Burnett-
In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do, is do the right thing. The worse thing you can do, is do nothing -Theodore Roosevelt-
Love me when I less deserve it, because it's then when I need it the most
If I could return to youth, I would commit all those errors again. But a bit earlier -Tallulah Bankhead-
Nothing can be taught to a man; but it's possible to help him to find the answer within himself -Galileo Galilei-
That's all for the time being.. I apologise for any typos, am too tired to check....
Today I went to Bandar Utama to watch the movie red cliff with my parents.
I've always been one who has been sort of fascinated with our Chinese Legends and History and all, though laziness, prevents me from doing further research and I usually except what falls into my lap.. haha.. but well as Dave said on his blog before.. it's the effort, have to put in the effort for whatever we do [I recall something about a fish to big for the pan, so the fisherman let it go... haven't that fisherman heard of knives.. and something called, cutting the fish up to fit the pan? =.=']...
So since it's the holidays for me now.. maybe I should.. the internet is vast... but I prefer to read books.. maybe I should go and look for those old picture books, and well, though my Chinese is crap.. they usually have those little English translations at the bottom :p
Okay... I went to watch that show, for those who don't know, it's based on Chinese History, and a novel which fictionalised that history called the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, it's based on the time before China was united into what it was, and it covers our ever legendary God of war Guan Gong, the red faced warrior.
As a child, I do watch those TVB shows [relying on the Malay subtitles then, to understand what is going on, because they use the old formal way of speaking in such shows.. and I don't understand... sadly... even now...the old way of speaking, can be really confusing... plus the proverbs and all.. haha] and from there, I know of our Chinese Legends, plus some reading as well, and lucky for bananas like me... who can't really read Chinese, there are some books with some simple illustrations and English translation.
I like reading all those old stories, the Tales of Liao Zhao, of fox spirits, the monkey king, the goddess of mercy, the eight immortals.. I basically read what I could get my hands on... [no internet at that time yet.. and well. .the internet wasn't that popular at that time..] and watched whatever they showed on television, though I must say, sometimes TVB likes to exaggerate, but guess that's for the ratings...
But anyway, I deviated off the topic... as I was saying, since I'm into stuff like that [though my memory is fuzzy on the storyline and all, I didn't finish the story, as I couldn't find the rest of the books at my relatives place.. I was just left hanging there... maybe I should go out and buy them myself :p] and so is my dad... we went off to catch it..
The movie seems to centre around the epic battle at the red cliff, hence, obviously its title... And if you don't know the story at all. .you wouldn't know how all the generals and all met up etc.. Wouldn't know their relations and all with each other... I sort of remember cause of the television dramas... but I prefer to get my hands on the books.... it's been years.. and I was but a child when I read and watched the story.. so I've sort of forgotten most of it..
But the movie overall... it's ok, too much fighting scenes... there were some funny moments, and some brotherhood/loyalty to friends [sorry, don't know how to describe yi hei in English] scenes.. but overall it was ok.. the battles, especially the use of the ba gua [ermm, 8 formation?] tactic was good, but when I read on wikipedia, apparently in REAL history such a move wasn't used till after that period.... but oh well.. movies are movies... they need the ratings to rake in money.. still, it was impressive... A real good war tactic...
However, I will say that.. I want to catch the next one... because the cinematography is beautiful, and well, I want to see how they fight it out.. though I roughly recall how it will turn out, seeing it on screen is another matter... but that's about it... it was okay
And I don't know why, this past two days since after the exams.. I feel so tired always.. I haven't even watched an episode of anime yet.. but I am trying to catch up on my manga downloads haha.. so that's all.. I'm going to try and turn in early tonight.. hope the green tea from my Japanese dinner, don't keep me up the whole night.. :p
-Oracl3-
P/s: anyone interested in the new "The Mummy" movie? it opened today.... :p
Title: いちりっとるなみだ/One Litre of Tears [Same title as the TV Show] This is for Ikeuchi Aya, for the encouragement her words have given to so many out there.
"What’s wrong with falling down, because as long as I stand up again, it’ll be just fine, if you look up at the sky after falling down, the clear blue sky stretches limitlessly. Smiling at me. –Ikeuchi Aya : 1 Litre of Tears-"
When the light of life, seems so bleak, When the path I thread, seems to break. My spirit it seems, I cannot keep, The stream of life, which cannot weep.
When tears I hold, cannot fall, I remember your courage, Your strength, your all. The tenacity, you never lost.
The words you said, the spirit you kept, The love you had, though you wept. Like river rapids, fast and strong, It manages still, to be calmingly warm.
The limitless sky, smiles at you, From where you lie, you seem to fly. Falling down was fine with you, As long, as you could stand again.
The past is one we shouldn’t dwell, The present is which, We must return to now, Fighting on to live it well.
Were lessons you learnt; The wisdom you gained, You selflessly shared, With the rest of the world.
Though you’ve left for the shadowed world, Your image lives in the world of light. The words you gave helped others live, Knowing that life can still be bright.
-サヤカ- Started: 2231: 18th July 2008 [Due to exams it was a stalled project...] Finished: 2301: 23rd July 2008
"People shouldn’t dwell on the past. It’s enough to try your best in all that you’re doing now. Ikeuchi Aya : 1 Litre of Tears-"
Well, on the 18th of July 2008, I finally got my hands on the One litre of tears special episode [It's a Japanese TV Drama, really touching, and in which made me fan girl over Nishikido Ryo for a short while, due to his character as Asuo Haruto :p I want a guy like Asuo kun :p]
It's a very touching show, which I would recommend to anyone to watch, though the special was mostly on flashbacks, I still cried a lot for the show, so damn touching, and then.. Smart me, who was maybe in the exams procrastination mode, was struck by the muse. [The one which I had earlier said, I managed to shelve, as Time was of the essence to me then.]
This time I was hit by Aquarius [a large constellation of stars known as the water carrier], again, there is a metaphor here, but I think, this one is fairly easy to see. Water, water... Well, the poem has other metaphors as well.... slightly only though, in my opinion..
Ermm, this poem, sounds a tad weird to me, [because I had confined myself, as there were certain phrases which I wanted to make sure I used] but I'm okay with it, hence the reason I'm posting it haha.. Enjoy?
I'm not very good in this kind of things, but I like to write.. and actually I have like.. 2 stories? Hanging, since my high school days? I do get muses for them, but I never get down to writing them, and well, if I were to write, I would have to start from scratch again, because the time line was screwed... for one of them, and well for the other, I lack the general knowledge to write, and need to do research.. hence the reason it's both hanging..
But from time to time I get muses for poems, which I don't write.. and regretted later.. so I thought what the heck.. just write it.. :p
And... that's all from me.. if you want to understand the poem better [though I think it's pretty self explanatory, but I wrote it, so it's different, of course I understand it..] feel free to ask :)
It would be nice to know, that my literary works are at least appreciated by one person, and yes, the poem used the two quotes as references, [I would have used more quotes from the show, unfortunately my version of the show is in Malay subs... and well, my Japanese isn't that good to catch what they are saying that well..] in case you didn't realise.. And well, I might fine tune or tweak it later? but I think this should be the final version, if I do edit it, I will include a notice at the top of the post.
How many years has it been Since you last touched my hand? How long has it been Since my eyes have met your smile?
Everything’s too late now, I know that the best, Yet I can’t keep myself from thinking, Of things already lost.
I was the fool then, And I reap what I sow, Of things that could have been, How life would’ve been now.
I don’t know why, It’s been years since then, Yet on late random nights, I fail to stop my thoughts.
Thinking, and thinking Late into the night, Life could have been different, If our cards had been played right.
I was the fool then, I admit that as a fact, It’s so true, that, It’s a pity I did not act.
But it has been years, Since I last saw your smile, Like a paper stored in a file, I cannot cease my thoughts,
And a realization came to me; It was a feeling, One, which I knew too well, It was a feeling, I had told myself;
Never again to feel its touch, Never again to hear its grouch, Yet fate would have had it, I played right into Its hands.
No matter how many Winters have passed me by, No matter how many times The flowers wither and die,
I will still harbour this feeling; A feeling I cannot forget, A feeling we fondly call, Nothing but, Regret.
Do you feel it too? Do you reminisces as I do? Of those times, so many summers ago, When we sat together and shared drinks and laughter,
Well, I remember… And though everything is too late now, Even if you feel no sorrow, I hope that you do too…
-サヤカ- 0229 : 17th July 2008
-Oracl3-
P/s: Yes, I've decided to give that muse a name.. and I gave it the name Corvus, it is a small southern constellation of stars, south of Virgo, known also as the Crow or Raven..
Again it's a metaphor here... Well, I'm not sure if my metaphor is what normal people would, well, ermm associate with.. so if you can't get the metaphor, feel free to ask... ;p
By the way, did I mention? I've not written any such things for 5 years, I think? Yup, ever since high school, I've not written a poem, nor story [unless you count in 2007? When I wroteflow and solitude, for this blog].. Sad... I know.. but it's never too late to pick the habit up again :p
Sorry Mel, but this seems like a really good idea..... to control myself...
On my honour [do I even have any? Well, I guess I do have the Scouts honour... haha] I hereby declare that I, will TRY not to blog [or do online related things] so much till after my exams, which is at the end of July.. .....
-[A sort of hard feat on my part.. since it's only classes and books now in my life.. I need an outlet.. but I'll .... I mean, I have cut down on my politics & manga after all.... Any encouragement, in any form is highly appreciated.. if you wish to send me money, please inform me ;p though food is a preferred medium, but hey, if you give me money, i can just buy what I want to eat, and other things.. and you don't have to think what to get me... kills two birds with one stone keke ;p]-
-Exam kills-
~Exams are coming..~ ~Oh yes, it's coming~ ~It's less than a month away~ ~With 10 subjects all together~ ~And they aren't very fun either~ ~When you're mislead into thinking~ ~You have only but 5 papers...~ ~It's all memory work~ ~Oh yes, a 100% memory work~ ~Time to kill my brain cells~ ~And seriously get down to work~ ~Stop the lazing~ ~Stop the procrastinating~ ~It's time to get serious~ ~Or reap what you sow...~
-By Sayaka-
Some lame-o-thing, I randomly thought off.. A poem, lyrics? I don't know what it is... But assuming it's a death song..? I'll compose a tune for it? If I'm talented enough to do it, [& if I feel like it] after my exams that is.. haha.. and yes, title was taken from.. "Smoking kills"
Therefore DO NOT DISTURB [unless necessary], Privacy please.. i need peace and quiet to memorise 10 subjects.... -->
On the top we have the little brown thingie [kitten] i.e my law books/notes, and I'm at the bottom haha.. Oops! Bad analogy? :p The look of sheer terror on the chihuahua's face.. that's me alright..
Oh, before i go into attempted online hibernation mode...
[I think I'll still be online, to check my mail & download animes but not watch them till after exams... but I most probably won't be very available on my MSN, as my books will be seducing me, or at least attempting to seduce me.. like the kitten above... haha]
A little video taken from Mel's blog, with her permission, to show the pain that law students have to go through.. though the guy that made the video is only a LLB (degree) he hasn't met CLP yet, and he's most probably lucky not too... [Assuming from the slang he's American, and therefore he will face their BAR exams instead, i mean hey.. anything is easier than a right?]
Something else I found in the folder... Hopes it provides some encouragement to others to speak their voice out, and also it gives us some insight as well, as it touches on racism, democracy, and government interests...
Well whatever it is, I just thought to share...
Against Discouragement by Howard Zinn
In 1963, historian Howard Zinn was fired from Spelman College, where he was chair of the History Department, because of his civil rights activities. This year (2005), he was invited back to give the commencement address. Here is the text of that speech, given on May 15, 2005.
I am deeply honoured to be invited back to Spelman after 42 years. I would like to thank the faculty adn trustee who voted to invtie me, and especially your president, Dr. Beverly Tatum. And it is a special privilege to be here with Diahann Carroll and Virginia Davis Floyd.
But this is your day - the students graduating today. It's a happy day for yo and your families. I know you have your own hopes for the future, so it may be a little presumptuous for me to tell you what hopes I have for you, but they are exactly the same one that I have for my grandchildren.
My first hope is that you will not be too discouraged by the way the world looks at this moment. it is easy to be discouraged, because our nation is at war - still another war, war after war - and our government seems determined to expand its empire even if it costs the lives of tens of thousands of human beings. There is poverty in this country, and homelessness, and people without health care, and crowded classrooms, but our government, which has trillions of dollars to spend, is spending its wealth on war. There are a billion people in Africa, Asia, Latin America and the Middle East who need clean water and medicine to deal with malaria and tuberculosis and AIDS, but our government which has thousands of nuclear weapons, is experimenting with even more deadly nuclear weapons. Yes, it is easy to be discouraged by all that.
But let me tell you why, in spite of what I have just described, you must not be discouraged.
I want to remind you that, fifty years ago, racial segregation here in the South was entrenched as tightly as apartheid in South Africa. The national government, even with liberal presidents like Kennedy and Johnson in office, was looking the other way while black people were beaten and killed and died the opportunity to vote. So black people in the South decided that had to do something by themselves. They boycotted and sat in and picketed and demonstrated, and were beaten and jailed, and some were killed, but their cries for freedom were soon heard all over the nation and around the world, and the President and Congress finally did what they previously failed to do - enforce the 14th and 15th Amendments to the Constitution. Many people had said: The South will never change. But it did change, IT changed because ordinary people organized and took risks and challenged the system and would not give up. That's when democracy came alive. I want to remind you also that when the war in Vietnam was going on, and young Americans were dying and coming home paralysed, and our government was bombing the villages of Vietnam - bombing schools and hospitals and killing ordinary people in huge numbers - it looked hopeless to try to stop the war. But just as in the Southern movement, people began to protest and soon it caught on. IT was a national movement. Soldiers were coming back and denouncing the war, and young people were refusing to join the military, and the war had to end.
The lesson of that history is that you must not despair, that if you are right, and you persist, things will change. The government may try to deceive the people, and the newspapers and television may do the same, but the truth has a way of coming out. The truth has a power greater than a hundred lies. I know you have practical things to do - to get jobs and get married and have children. You may become prosperous and be considered a success in the way our society defines success, by wealth and standing and prestige. But that is not enough for a good life.
Remember Tolstoy's story, "The Death of Ivan Illych." A man on his deathbed reflects on his life, how he has done everything right, obeyed the rules, become a judge, married, had children, and is looked upon as a success. Yet, in his last hours, he wonders why he feels a failure. After becoming a famous novelist, Tolstoy himself had decided that this was not enough, that he must speak out against the treatment of the Russian peasants, that he must write against war and militarism.
My hope is that whatever you do to make a good life for yourself - whether you become a teacher, or social worker, or business person, opr lawyer, or poet, or scientist - you will devote part of your life to making this a better world for your children, for all children. My hope is that your generation will demand an end of war, that your generation will do something that has not yet been done in history and wipe out the national boundaries that separates us from other human beings on this earth.
Recently I saw a photo on the front page of the New York Times which I cannot get out of my mind. It showed ordinary Americans sitting chairs on the southern border of Arizona, facing Mexico. they were holding guns and tehy were looking for Mexicans who might be trying to cross the border into the United States. This was horrifying to me - the realization that in the 21st century fo what we call "civilization", we have carved up what we claim is one world into 200 artificially created entities we call "nations" and are ready to kill anyone who crosses a boundary.
Is not nationalism - that devotion to a flag, an anthem, a boundary, so fierce it leads to murder - one of the great evils of our time, along with racism, along with religious hared? These ways of thinking, cultivated, nurtured, indoctrinated from childhood on, have been useful to those in power, deadly for those out of power.
Here in the United States, we are brought up to believe that our nation is different from others, an exception in the world, uniquely moral; that we expand into other lands in order to bring civilization, liberty, democracy. But if you know some histroy you know that's not true. IF you know some history, you know we massacred Indians on this continent, invaded Mexico, sent armies into Cuba and the Philippines. We killed huge numbers of people, and we did not bring them democracy or liberty, We did not go into Vietnam to bring democracy; we did not invade Panama to stop the drug trade; we did not invade Afghanistan and Iraq to stop terrorism. Our aims were the aims of the other empires of world history - more profit for corporations, more power for the politicians.
The poets and artists among us seem to have a clearer understanding of the disease of nationalism. Perhaps the black poets especially are less enthralled with the virtues of American "liberty" and "democracy", their people having enjoyed so little of it. The great African - American poet Langston Hughes addressed his country as follows:
You really haven't been a virgin for so long. It's ludicrous to keep up the pretext
You've slept with all the big powers In military uniforms And yuo've taken the sweet life Of all the little brown fellows.
Being one fo the world's big vampires, Why don't you come on out and say so Like Japan, and England, and France, And all the other nymphomaniacs of power
I am a veteran of the Second World War. That was considered a "good war", but I have come to the conclusion that war solves no fundamental problems and only leads to more wars. War poisons the minds of soldiers, leads them to kill and torture, and poisons the soul of the nation.
My hope is that your generation will demand that your children be brought up in a world without war. If we want a world in which the people of all countries are brothers and sisters, if the children all over the world are considered as our children, then war - in which children are always the greatest casualties - cannot be accepted as a way of solving problems.
I was on the faculty of Spelman College for 7 years, from 1956 to 1963. IT was a heart warming time, because the friends we made in those years have remained our friends all these years. My wife Roslyn and I and our two children lived on campus. sometimes when we went into town, white people would ask: How is it to be living in the black community? It was hard to explain. But we knew this - that down town Atlanta we felt as we were in alien territory, and when we came back to the Spelman campus, we felt that we were at home.
Those years at Spelman were the most exciting of my life, the most educational certainly. I learned more from my students than they learned from me. Those were the years of the great movement in the South against racial segregation, and I became involved in that in Atlanta, n Albany, Georgia, in Selma, Alabama, in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, and Greenwood, and Itta Bena and Jackson. I learned something about democracy : that it does not come from the government, from on hight, it comes from people getting together and struggling for justice. I learned about race. I learned something that any intelligent person realizes at a certain point - that race is a manufactured thing, an artificial thing, and while ace does matter (as Cornell West has written), it only matters because certain people want it to matter, just as nationalism is something artificial,. I learned that what really matters is that all of us- of whatever so-called race and so-called nationality - are human beings and should cherish one another.
I was lucky to be at Spelman at a time when I could watch a marvellous transformation in my students, who were so polite, so quiet, and then suddenly they were leaving campus and going into town, and sitting in, and being arested, and then coming out of jail full of fire and rebellion. You can read all about that in Harry LEfever's book: Undaunted by the Fight. One day Marian Wright (Now Marian Wright Edelman), who was my student at Spelman, and was one of the first arrested in the Atlanta sit-ins, came to our house on campus to show us a petition she was about to put on the bulletin board of her dormitory. The heading on the petition epitomized the transformation taking place at Spelman College. Marian had written on top of the petition: "Young ladies who can picket, please sign below."
My hope is that you will not be content jsut to be successful in the way our society measures success; that you will not obey the rules, when the rules are unjust; that you will act out of the courage that i know is in you. There are wonderful people, black, and white, who are models. I don't mean African-Americans like Condoleezza Rice, or Colin Powell, or C;arent Thomas, who have become servants of the rich and powerful. I mean W.E.B. DuBois and Martyn Luther King and Malcom X and Marian Wright Edelman, And James Baldwin and Josephine Baker and good white fold, too, who defied the establishment to work for peace and justice.
Another of my students at Spelman, Alice Walker, who, like Marian, has remained out friend all these years, came from a tenant farmer's family in Eatonton, Georgia, and ebcame a famous writer. In one of her first published poems, she wrote:
It is true - I've always loved the daring ones Like the black young man Who tried to crash all barriers at once,
Wanted to swim at a white beach (In akabama) nude.
I am not suggesting you go that far, but you can help to break down barriers, of race certainly, but also of nationalism; that you do what you can - you don't have to do something heroic, just something, to join with millions of others who will just do something, because all of those something, at certain points of history, come together, and make the world better.
The marvellous African-American writer Zora Neale Hurston, who wouldn't do what white people wanted her to do, who wouldn't do what black people wanted her to do, who insisted on ebing herself, said that her mother advised her: Leap for the sun - you may not reach it, but at least you get off the ground.
By being here today, you are already standing on your toes, ready to leap. My hope for you is a good life
*Howard Zinn is the author with Anthony Arnove of the just published of a People's History of the United States (Seven Stories Press) and of the international best selling People's History of the Unites States
** I think that this should be the last thing that I type out for stuff that came from my search and rescue mission.. the rest, are well, too long to type up I guess, and I have no interest to archive them, So I guess that is all..
I chose to type up this article, because it is related somewhat to our own country.. that race is artificial, nationalism is also artificial, it was created by the politicians to garner more power.. if not why else will they be playing this racist game for 50 years? and go on saying that (as reported on Malaysia today) united malays is like the nation being united... ? I was kind of shocked reading that... but i digress to comment, as i am already tired from typing up the speech, and also well, if i ever do my political related post, it will be related to that anyway....
Another thing is, this post is already long enough thanks to the speech... So that's all..it's already 1030pm.. and i don't know why i feel so tired today, so am signing off for now..
A poem that I got when I went for the youth programme
To the Filipino Youth (A La Juventud Filipina) Theme: "Grow, O Timid Flower."
Hold high the brow serene. O youth, where now you stand; Let the bright Sheen, Of your grace be seen, Fair hope of my fatherland!
Come now. thou genius grand, And bring down inspiration; With thy might hand, Swifter than the wind's volation, Raise the eager mind to higher station.
Come down with pleasing light, Of art and science to the flight, O youth, and there untie The chains that heavy lie, Your spirit free to blight.
See how in flaming zone, Amid the shadows thrown, The Spainard's holy hand A crown's resplendent band Proffers to this Indian land.
Thou, who now wouldst rise On wings of rich emprise, Seeking from the Olympian skies Songs of the sweetest strain, Softer than ambrosial rain;
Thou, whose voice divine Rivals Philomel's refrain And with varied line Through the night benign Frees mortality from pain;
Thou, who by sharp strife Wakest thy mind to life; And the memory bright Of thy genius' light Makest immortal in its strength;
And thou, in accents clear Of Phoebus, to Apelles dear; Or by brush's magic art Takest from nature's store a part To fix it on the simple canvas' length;
Go forth and then the sacred fire Of thy genius to the laurel may aspire; To spread around the fame, And in victory acclaim; through wider spheres the human name.
Day, O happy day, Fair Filipinas, for thy land! So bless the Power today That places in thy way This facour and this fortune grand Written in 1879 by Jose Rizal, Translated by Charles E. Derbyshire.
I don't really recall us going through this poem during the programme, but it was in the folder with the rest of the stuff from the programme.. but oh well, it seemed nice, so i shared..
でもさ、私はまだ諦「あきら」めない。。だって、タイヨウのうた、ヘレン子狐、一リットル涙、と 電池「でんち」がきれるまで、このドラマは私は教「おし」えてなるは、命はとても大切「たいせつ」な。。だから今は私はまだ諦めない、けれど私はもう疲れた。。 私の最後はどのが見えるかな？(will i be able to see it till the end?)
this is in chinese and not japanese.. as i said in the previous post this is the link for the story ccy promised to translate...
for those who cannot read chinese.. if my chinese still serves me right, i think it reads as, yu he sui de gu se, meaning the story of the fish and water..
jsut got back from class, so shall try to read the chinese version on his blog later haha :p as for now.. it's dinner time :p
The shipment with my stuff finally arrived from the UK last week... :) yip yip hurray..
After almost 3 months....
wait.. i shipped it on the 11th of august.. and got it last week.. on the 17th.... or was it the 18th...of november.. so technically it isn't a week yet since my stuff came in.. but OMG.. took them that long.. took them 3 months and six days.... sigh... but oh well, it was considered cheap..... i guess.. =='
anyway... after procrastinating, not really procrastinating, but cause i was busy with classes and all.. so i finally have it fully unpacked now..
as i was unpacking, in a way, i felt like a small kid at christmas, seeing what i have in the box... and as i unpacked, memories came running back to me, as some things brought a smile on my face.. hahha
i sound like an old women, and i haven't even parted with those stuff that i shipped back for more than 3 months...
but seriously, now that i am back in malaysia, my time spent in the UK seems like a dream, i am slowly able to cross roads now by myself, though am still a little fearful sometimes.. and well.. i am falling back into the malaysian habits again..
it really felt like i've never left at all.. i sometimes feel like my memory is fake, like nothing of that sort ever really happened.. like i ve never experienced living in a foreign country on my own, never played in the snow, never went where i wanted, never had my freedom..
and then i had to stop myself to think, and to look around.. my room is surrounded with momentos of the past year, little souveniers from london, and europe.. now i know the importance of souveniers and pictures.. it's the proof to ourselves, so that we don't feel like all this is a lie..
but i don't understand why, i feel like everything is so fake.. i long quite a lot of times to go back, and i m sure it is obvious that i do, seeing that i compare this and that, but, in the end, i guess home is still the best place..
during my final months in london, my heart grew heavy, and i didn't, want to regret anything, i hate regretting, so i didn't want to regret leaving london, i therefore went to all the places that i wanted to go, but i still left a regret..
my only regret is leaving my friends behind, though we say it is a broadband world, how often do we chat online? the living person is still better than just staring at the screen..sigh, and it is so much more harder to catch them online.. because of the time difference, because everyone is busy...
but as i said to my sister, the day i left bridges hall; sometimes i feel that it is better if i never came to the UK, never met any of those people, never made friends with them, since leaving them now is so painful, but then again, for all the riches in the world, i would never have given up meeting them and being their friends, the fact that i can feel the pain and sadness of leaving them, means that i am still human, and that i have made some really good friends.
sometimes, things hurt us a lot, but at the same moment it teaches us to hope, from this pain i am learning to hope, though it hurts to be separated by friends who have become so close to you and also family, we hope to meet again someday..
i was once a person without hope, totally dry of hope, and almost without emotion, i only knew how to show my mask, the mask with the smiling face, i left no place for hope, i feel like i'm Aragon's mother.. (read lord of the rings..) where on her death bed she said, onen i-estel edain, u-chebin estel anim, meaning, i have gave hope to the Dunidien, i have kept no hope for myself..
but putting the point of being a mesochist aside, i think being hurt sometimes is good.. why do we fall down? to learn how to stand up again... there will be scars, and they may or may not fade over time, but at least with everything we learn something new, my time in UK was not a waste, i learnt more about myself there.. and for that i am grateful....
and ok.. moving on.. that sounded really angsty... and sorry to people who have been reading this for like the 3rd time? cause i keep editing as new things come to mind, and yes the reason why it seems like, i jumped here and there, is cause there was no intial planning on the writing for this, i just wrote as the thoughts came to my mind, and just added in stuff at places which i felt i missed out hahaha.. so anyway.. back to the point on my time in UK... i miss not only my friends but also.....
the weather there.. how many times have i said it haha, even before i set foot in England, i was always already complaining about the weather here haha.. but that is life.. i don't regret ever going there, and i don't regret coming back.. even if i did, it's pointless to regret things in life...
as the saying goes, there's no point crying over spilt milk, so yes berate yourself, call yourself a coward and that you are stupid, wallow in the self pity, but do your best to stop your regrets..
nothing changes unless we make it change... it's so hard to change and a lot of people get discouraged just at the mere thought of it, it takes a lot of will power to bring about changes.. those who lack the will power just continue on to wallow in their self pity and blame the world, and blame others..
ok.. before you guys start getting funny ideas.. i am not on the brink of suicide ok.. ??
the reason that i'm talking about all this change and regret thing, is because i recently read a manga called doubt, the main character in the story, is a girl, who was really plain, and unnoticed by others, so when she entered senior high school, she decided to change, and she really did put in effort and all, and well the other characters in the school got jealous of her beauty, and therefore always found fault with her, thus she snapped and told them off, saying she wasn't always so pretty, she worked hard to get where she was cause she wanted to change her life.. etc basically what i stated above haha..
to continue... it is a nice manga, but yeah, sometimes change is inevitable, and sometimes we have to have the courage to bring it around by ourselves, i for one, am a coward in some aspects, but i do my best to be brave, though when it comes to the matters of the heart, as all of you know i am a failure, cause i am totally clueless, but like the main character of that manga, i am bringing about change, and now, though i am clueless i am not that clueless, rome wasn't built in a day.. so cheer me on, on this road to self discovery, of what i want in life, love, family & friends.. :)
on another note, the other day my cousin randomly asked, cause apparently he was doing a survey, in which i can check the results out later at his blog.. but he asked me, what do i think are the fundamentals of a relationship.. well if you asked me, my direct answer, which is short and sweet is just simple.. two things, love and trust...
but then again this two things don't just fall out of the sky..from reading the christian book, what is my purpose in life.. (haven't finished reading it, cause well, errm.. not motivated to? but i'm halfway through.. i will blog bout it when i'm done reading), from that book, there was a chapter that said that, god placed us on earth to love him and love everyone in his family, his family being all other believers..
but that is not the point here, the point here is how they described what love is.. and to shorten it, and to put it into my own words, i would say that love is time and devotion.. for example, in a family, why do some families don't get along well, it's cause they don't have time for each other, if you don't have the devotion/effort to make time, how do you expect love to nuture?
it's basically the same in all relationships, if you want to get a loved one, you must be willing to devote your time, and yourself, meaning your heart to the other person.. mother's are the best example as they devote all their time, body and spirit to their children.. but, i don't mean that everyone has to be like a mother to others..that's freaky haha, but basically.. love and trust are jsut two simple answers, i wonder how many people will look deeper.. to see what brings about love and trust...
when one is willing to spend (equivalent to devote) their time for another, feelings grow, and if nutured that is what becomes love, that's why the book was saying that the love for god was not born overnight, but more like built over time, and that is the same with all human relationships..
as for trust, that usually comes along naturally with love, but trust also involves time, the more time we spend with the person, the more we understand that person, the more we know whether that person can be trusted or not..
i think everything boils back down to time.. maybe i should message my cousin and tell him that i've decided to change my answer? :p haha
ヒント：every star has its life span, it starts out by shining very bright, but as the years go by, the gasses used to keep it alight are slowly being burnt out, and in the end the star becomes dim.... dimmer, and in the end totally loses its shine, either it just stays there as a floating piece of rock in space (i think, can't remember) or it explodes... forgot what is it called.. nebular? (sigh, when was the last time i read stuff like that... ==') aarghh.. something, and it becomes a black hole sucking all the light and other stuff into it... 私はの意味はわかたかな？もうげんかいかな。。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ here is something interesting i got off ccy's msn.. sounded interesting to me, and well kind of romantic? haha.. so i copied it here to share.. apparently he got it off a story?? ask him, i don't know, i can't read chinese story books ==' haha but he said that he will translate it and post about it ahha :p so await the link :)
如果我是鱼，而你是水, 我可以游入你的心里吗? [ru guo wo shi yu, er ni shi shui, wo ke yi you ru ni de xin li ma?]
for the bananas.. ie those who don't understand chinese.. this means.. if i were a fish and you are the water, could i swim into your heart?
reminds me of this quote from bleach that i put on my friendster :p
"If I were the rain, could I connect with someone's heart, as the rain can unite the eternally separated earth and sky?" said by orihime..
this are poems, (well you can call it thoughts also if you like) that i wrote and placed on the blog, if any of you guys noticed... anyway... the translations for the poems were provided by nicholas leong, thanks nick!! anyway.. the poems reflect my true feelings... so there.. i used my heart, and expressed myself.. though i might add taht nick seemed to have left the "dark" meanings of the poems out, but basically he translated it in the way, that i kind of meant it to be :p
the ones in bold is the poem.. italic is nick's translation...
read on then... btw copyright for the poems belong to me, and the translation to nicholas, do not copy any part or part of the poem without my permission
Repose I lay on my back, as the sweet scents engulfs me, as the breeze sweeps through my hair, the shining star, high up in the sky, blinds my eyes..and I reached out with my hands, and grabbed it.. and all I got was nothingness, can you see the future? Its unpredictable..
Life is beautiful no matter how you look at it. Much like how you wish to see your future come to be. However not all is gold and glitter and sometimes, just trying to reach that one miracle which seems so close, but in actuality it’s far away. Such is the future. You can never tell if that one thing is right in front of you, it’s just a distant dream.
Much like in reality itself, one cannot lie down and keep on hoping, dreaming to reach that glimmer of hope without any effort. One would actually need to take a stand, much like what we humans normally do. We do not dream the impossible, we create the impossible. If lying down does not permit us to reach for the starry skies then we must rise, rise higher than ever to reach the shinning glimmer above us.
Wake up and do something about it. So that one day even if we do fail to grasp that one shinning star we hope to attain, at least there are other stars within our reach. Such is reaching out towards our own future.
Solitary A lonely soul placed to travel on this planet, who reaches out and tries to form bonds. Sometimes she succeeds, sometimes she fails, yet she never gives up and tries again. And she believes that this successes and failures, are the very reasons why her soul is able to slowly blossom in a beautiful burst of colour, like a rainbow after a flood. Where she believes that a life lived for others is a life worth living. One who thinks that the future is not far from reach, yet is unpredictable...
Solitude of the soul. We in general are ‘lonely’ when it comes to one’s own journey. We travel from one place to another, searching for other souls and forming friendship to dispel that loneliness which each individual experiences.
A journey through life, through tribulations and tasks, sometimes one succeeds and sometimes we don’t. However it is for this reason that we slowly begin to take shape. One day we too will become adults, just like the flowers will one day bloom and the fruits will one day ripen. The outcome of it however is determined but what is it we have undergone, just as such is the flowers and fruits around us. The outcome though it differs, it is still a beauty to behold by the end of it.
To live a life for one’s own self is a life of solitude and distant. Though true that life is up to how one would like it to be, but it is always more meaningful when things are done not only for ourselves but for others as well. A smile on another person’s lips is a feeling no one person can achieve to see, if he/she doesn’t have someone else to actually make smile with.
Through it all with time and time again, the future though reachable will always remain unpredictable. One cannot tell what is it we will face or will its outcome be that of what we predicted, even if it feels just an arms reach away from us. What ever it maybe, never give up hope and always stride against what oppresses us from reaching a brighter future, such is the will of mankind. Flow The smooth surface, Almost mirror like, Watching it unknowingly, I entered its flow, Unconsciously submerged by it, Fighting to grasp the sky, Before being pulled down again, Following it’s flow, Unable to turn back, The road is set; I shall head to sea, Can you see the future? It’s unpredictable
Playing with our minds, such is life. On one end it is easy to see its beauty. On another we see its trials and tribulation. From the start from which we are born into this world, so begins forth our journey. An inescapable fate awaits all and not one is spared from this tunnel of chance and destiny.
From here on it is up to us to decide, if we are to sink or swim. For to sink is to give in and enter a realm of despair, and to swim is to reach the unknown parts of this great sea known as life.
Though we can never tell in which direction we will be heading into, or what we may encounter, and to that of which what will we find at the end of it all, one thing is for certain, we will surely find something of means, if not reach a destination in which we wish to achieve.
Solitude Its light is dimmed, The abandoned star, Fighting on, To shine once more, Reaching out to brighter lights, To place it back on the stage once more, To once again be the star she was, The path is rough, But she will make it there. Can you see the future? It’s unpredictable…
A distant star will always seem smaller than those closer to the eyes of those who see. A lonely star in this vast galaxy is no different from that of a lonely soul. What can this lonely soul do, so that it would once again, shine as bright as the rest?
In this vast universe, we come across tons of other stars. Some shine as bright as a morning sky while others too far to see with the naked eye. Reaching out to brighter stars, to be closer to those who shine bright, may one day allow that one lonely star to shine as bright as those around it.
Such is the journey through life. Though we are of a single soul and individual, there are those of who come with great hearts and of shining spirit. Those of which whom are willing to lend a honest hand, and to those whom are willing to make that long journey just so you smile, and just so life itself will be a better or more meaningful one.
One man or soul may seem insignificant, but with the hearts and spirits of others, even one can achieve great things. If not so, one could always still look at things in a different light, or they may be looked at, with a brighter light.
-Oracl3-
aaahh means that the theme for teh blog last time should had been - 未来は身ってる : Repose -
oh well new start la.. hahah :p i only came up for teh names of those doodling of mine, when i was posting this ahha :p and well.. errr.. tho those words reflect wat was in my heart.. but i kind of wrote them to accomdate the blog's "future" theme as well :p so errmm.. like tat la :p
next up when i m free i willpost pics fr the bday party tat i orgnised for mel and xian ai, and also the formal dinner we had at bridges to celebrate it's 40th birthday.. well wait till wed or thurs la.. tat's when i m free :p
Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, and Pig.
