"He wouldn't want you to be like this."

"I'm sure he wants you to be happy."

How on earth would they know what you wanted??!

You could not speak in a language that they understand, and most of them had hardly spent any time with you. How would they know what you want??!

Even I who have been. By your side the longest wouldn't know what you want, what do you want me to do at this point? 

To stop crying?

To stop thinking too much?

I do know that in our 13 years together, that what you wanted then was lots of cuddles.

For us to always be together. 

To go for lots of walks. 

And that you missed me terribly every time I was away, as I missed you as well. 

That you would cry every time you heard my voice when I called home because you missed me. 

That you would wait by the door, looking out waiting for me to come home, because you missed me. 

That when ever you are in pain, i would be there to comfort you. 

What you wanted was for me to be there those last 2 weeks.

For me to cuddle you, calm you and tell you that it was all ok.

To be by your side during that last moments. 

And to continue being together with you. 

That's what you wanted.

And what do I want? 

I want to hold you again. 

I wanted to spend your last year with you

I wanted to care for you during those 2 weeks.

I wanted to be there when you went. 

And then I just get so angry, angry at you, angry at myself, angry at the world everything. 

Of all the years, why last year??!! Why when I wasn't there? We had so many years, why did it have to be last year!!!!!

-sunz-