Looking back at my current pictures, this past 3 months, I've cried so much that you can see something like eye bags.

I feel so tired,  I feel so lonely.

Tired of trying to keep my body strong - trying not to fall sick, because it will be very troublesome here if I do fall sick.

Tired of trying to stay strong.

I miss you, I want you.

Somebody help me?

Just as how winter will always turn into spring, So will you always be with me.

-サヤカ-

About the time you started to feel ill, my necklace caught on my bracelet and broke. And I felt like it was a bad omen then, but decided to brush it off as just me being careless. 

It's those unexplainable feelings that I get some times, like the intense sadness I felt before moving to Japan, we were napping together in the living room, me with my intense back pain and I just felt so upset that I had to bawl and cry.

During those two weeks that you were not well, telling you to try to breath via FaceTime was all I could do. But really, all I wanted was to be there with you to rub your back and sooth you, but I didn't get that chance. 

When you came back from the vet and dad cruelly said that you could leave at any time, that upset me so much, at how little tact he had, and though I was crying every day then, and deep,down I probably knew he was right, but I decided to try to remain positive, that you would let me keep our promise and hang on till I came back to be with you.

It upset me so much too when every one kept telling me, don't book my flight home yet, let's wait and monitor your situation. 

At that time, I was ready to spend whatever money it took to be by your side, but... Truthfully? I'm the most upset with myself for listening to anyone but me. 

I remember your labored breathing, the night before, my feeling of helplessness, my frustration at not being able to touch or cuddle you. 

Even for the last time, all I could do was watch...

And while you have brought me so much love and joy in all the time we spent together, all I'm left with now are memories, a broken heart and just your ashes..

It's been 100 days, yet I still cry sometimes when I shower, because my bath foam smells a little like yours; when I finish a cup of milk, because there is no one to finish the last drops for me; when I eat a cup of yogurt, because no one will lick the cup clean any more; when I eat cheese, cause no one will share bits of it with me anymore; when I sleep & wake up, because there is no longer that little warmth by my side.... I still cry so much when I think of you...

I still feel bitter sweet when I see other dogs - I no longer get excited and happy when I see dogs, although I guess it's a huge improvement for not being able to look at dogs at all, or tearing up everytime my eyes set upon one before.

I still cry when I see dog clothes or pet supplies, I cry when animals show somehuman intelligence. 

I guess nothing much has changed in this 100 days, I still cry a lot.

I still feel so lonely. But, I guess...

I feel like I understand better what kind of friends I have. 

What kind of family members I have. 

But, you know what, I have no regrets being with you all these years; thank you for coming to me; thank you for being with me all these years; thank you for all the joy and laughter you brought; thank you also for all the frustration and worry you let me experience when you were being stubborn, naughty or sick. 

If any one ever asks me, if I would go back and change anything? No, I will still want you with me, I would only change the end to make sure that I will be with you in the end. That's all I will change. 

So... If ever time turns back, please come to me again, teach me again, what it's like to care and love another so unconditionally, and this time, let me be there at the end. 

If reincarnation does exist in this world, please come back to me too. I will always welcome you with open arms.

No matter how much time passes, no matter how much we change, always remember that your home is with me, and you are always welcome home.

And know that just as how winter will turn to spring, so will you always be with me. 

-sunz-

Days will pass and turn into years,

But I will always remember you with silent tears.

-Anonymous-

For the past 13 years, although I would have greatly loved to, unfortunately I couldn't bring you with me every where, not when I finished high school, not when I entered college and thereafter University, even more so when I graduated from University, and for the first time then I lamented the lack of you having a passport, and strict animal control in the world, that even if you had a passport, you'd likely need to be quarantined. 

You couldn't attend when I went for my job interviews, or when I got my job, started chambering, or when I got called to the bar and became a full fledged lawyer, you couldn't be there when I was suffering away and slaving away in the law firm till my health suffered terribly.

But you were there, every time I went home after all those events, when at the end of the day, I will still have to go home, and there you were. Waiting faithfully for me. You couldn't be there physically with me but it was a comfort knowing, when I go home there you will be. 

And that was my constant...

***

Hi Baby,

I'm suddenly reminded of the time when I went to collect my car, and I was so happy that I could have you there with me as I went to collect my very first car! 

That you got to be in my new car as well was a huge blessing to me. 

I miss you...

-sunz-

My Favourite Things

Rain on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

:: From the 1959 Rodgers and Hammerstein musical The Sound of Music. ::

What do I do now when thinking of my favourite thing(s) doesn't make things better anymore?

-サヤカ-

As the days go past, my struggles on what to write become more apparent. I am left without words since you left, left without muse, left without strength.

And everyday I sit in front of this screen, thinking of what moment should I share today.

While I have managed to squeeze out a moment every day, unknowing or not whether I had already shared it in the past 100 days, I have to think again today.

It's not that we didn't have 100 memories, I know I've said that, - It's just that... I'm empty.. I don't know what to share, what to write, what to think...

There are so many little memories, piled up over the years, me singing to you, me holding you in my arms and doing a little dance, or me just holding on to your hands, making you stand on your back legs to dance with me, much to your chagrin.

Me making you play the piano, again to your annoyance. All these are small little precious memories, caught only in my mind's eye, difficult to share, unless I own a pensieve (that memory bowl thing from Harry Potter).

There are so many, so small, so precious memories, that it would - in actuality be impossible for me to write them all down, and I guess whatever remains unwritten will forever remain with me.

And as I sit here on day 98, I'm left to think that this Execuy, will end in 100 Days, note that while it may end here, my heart will continue to mourn for you and remember you.

I still cry, I still break down sometimes. But I guess, that's just how it is.

***

Hi Baby,

Another  busy and cold day, huh? I really hope we get to see some snow before we go back for the holidays. lol

Anyway, yesterday when I let that stray cat sit on my lap to steal some warmth, I cried because it licked my fingers like how you used to sometimes. 

And they always say that a cat's tongue is rough but it wasn't. 

Of course two taps on its body to let it know that I wanted to go didn't work. It wasn't you after all...

-sunz-

Clueless..

What do you do now?

What can you do?

Where can you go?

-サヤカ-

Apparently your breed likes to burrow, and dig.. right? But unfortunately, we had no tunnels at home for you.. So where did you burrow? 

Under the blankets of course. It was funny how you would tunnel your way through, how sometimes we would throw your towel on you, and you would "burrow" your way out.

 

Or how when we are sleeping together, and it gets too cold for you, you would snuggle in and burrow under the blankets to be close to me for some body heat. 

I'm missing all those...

***

Hi Baby,

I'm wondering if we will get to see snow before we go back for Chinese New Year? 

-sunz-

Missing you... 

Thinking of you...

Wanting to hold you...

To hear you...

Why is it so hard?

-サヤカ-

For some reason at the beginning, you didn't really like sleeping on my lap that much. I don't know why.

Maybe that time I was too skinny and was all skin and bones and wasn't comfortable enough for you to sleep on?

Either way, I was always jealous that you would always go lie on someone's else lap even though I was your mummy.

But well, after that you started to snuggle up to me, and I noticed, comfortable or not, I don't know, but I did gain some weight from 10 years ago, so maybe my lap became nice and snugly for you too.

I want to feel you on my lap again, I want you to snuggle on my lap right now...

But I guess that's impossible now....

***

Hi Baby,

I don't know if it's the cold weather or it's just the way things are now... I want someone from home to call me, yet don't want anyone from home to call me.

Calling me, means I can't see you, you are not there. But not calling me, leaves me lonely.

Either way, my tears have still not dried, so I guess it makes no difference at all. lol


-sunz- 

Somehow...

Somehow...

-サヤカ-

Although I was irritated by cousin Ben yesterday, I'm suddenly reminded of that one time where we stayed over at his place. Mom & dad had went off somewhere leaving me home alone. 

Worried for some reason about leaving us home alone, I think Aunt Alice kindly offered to let us stay the night. 

Mind you that Aunt Alice lives in a condominium, and condominiums back home are not pet friendly, so we had to smuggle you in. 

You were as quiet as a door mouse, or as quiet as can be when we smuggled you in. We got a bit nervous when some people entered the lift, but we made it up to Aunt Alice's place unscathed. And you were as usual excited about new territory. 

Of course as with every new place, first thing in order was always for me to teach you where is the toilet 

For some reason you refused to use the toilet that I was sharing with Fiona though, and kept on using Ben's toilet for your business. 

We joked that it was a men's toilet that's why you were using it. 

But at one point, Ben was inside and it seemed like you really needed to poop.

For some reason, you sniffed out the toilet at the back of the kitchen, the one meant for a maid to use, and pooped there. You still refused to do your business in the toilet that I was using. 

I wonder why. 

Either way Aunt Alice was really impressed with you, since you somehow knew to look for a toilet. 

***

Hi Baby,

As you know, I decided to stay home today, and work from home, did some cleaning as ell...

That's bout it...

Somehow... If there was a way, I would love to see you.. Go to where you are now...

-sunz-

Bite me!

-サヤカ-

In anticipation of your teething, when I had got you I made sure that we bought some bones for you to chew on.

Those small ivory colored tasteless things which you actually didn't seem to like. 

Then we discovered greenies. And the biscuits. 

I realised that for some reason you didn't seem to like lamb or beef flavoured treats but chicken flavoured treats. 

Since then I would always try to find chicken flavoured biscuits or treats for you. You always looked so cute holding it between your hands as you ate them.

Truth be told, I too usually prefer chicken over lamb and beef. *chuckles* took after me?

***

Hi Baby,

I've asked sis to get you a greenie or something ok. So hold tight. 

-sunz-

To be or not to be?

That is the question.

(From hamlet...)

-サヤカ-

As this 100 Execuy is nearing its end, and as I think each day what memory to share, in some sense I look forward to the end but I also dread the end. 

I want to, yet I also don't want to remincise, like your first  shirt. Blue, size zero, bought from the pet shop at ss2, we actually brought you to the shop and had you try it on. 

You were so small then.. 

Or your second and three shirts, bought from atria. They were on sale. 

I remember every shirt I bought for you, where I bought it. I might have mixed up the timeline a little. But I remember as if it was just yesterday. 

And when I go paws by pet supplies, my eyes automatically goes to the clothes, and I s

Ways, always feel like crying.

Funerals are held for a reason, and I thought giving myself 100 days to mourn for you is what I would need.

But it's looking like it's not enough. Maybe it's because is I'm away from home. 

I don't know. I do know that i will continue to mourn you, e en when this 100 days are over.

***

Hi Baby, 

We've been out the whole day. At least we were in doors most of the time escaping the the cold. And we managed to see a small ceremony involving how the Japanese open a new shop. We usually cut a red ribbon, they break the wooden cover of a wooden bucket filled with sake. It was an interesting experience. 

And at the end if the day I'm tired and just want to go home to rest. If only you there for me to cuddle. 

I will be home to you soon. Wait a little longer ok? 

Love

-sunz-

Shower me with love.

-サヤカ-

The you that hated to shower, was adorable, I think I mentioned this before, but it was probably too cold for you, that's why you hated to shower.

We used to shower you in the downstairs toilet, before the renovation. 

We would get a tub big enough for you, boil water, fill it up with cold water, add in the hot water then shower you. 

You hated going into that tub. And you basically hated your baths then, cause water would get into your nose and ears. At the beginning I wasn't very good at giving you baths, and you tended to squirm a bit sometimes. 

Guess it became unpleasant, and the reason why you always ran.

So when preparing for your bath, and so that you can't get away, I took to catching you and putting you in a basket.

Like this one lol. That time we still had your blue cage out, and I couldn't risk you running into your "safe haven". I had established it upon advise from the books that I should allow you a "safe haven". A place where you cannot be punished or forced out off. So to avoid you from going in there, we sometimes closed the door or caught you first before you went in. 

Kind of defeats the purpose eh? Sorry about that...

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, I don't know when it started, but from the back of the house, you were allowed a free run of the whole of downstairs, and upstairs as well. 

And one fine day, I got the idea to shower together. Ever since then we showered together every time, but you still tried to escape the bath room. 

To avoid either of us getting cold, I would usually shower first, then shower you. But you would always be trying to make your escape from the bathroom, so I had to put you somewhere you couldn't run.

Viola, genius me came up with the toilet haha, so you couldn't jump down and run away.

Well, bath time progressively became not such a chore for you, when I started to let you play with water when we were showering, and it progressed to the point where you would just sit on a dry spot in the toilet, waiting for your turn when I'm done.

Progression right? I guess that's only natural...

***

Hi Baby,

I dreamt about you last night, about me feeding you food that I was eating, that you were probably not supposed to eat but we would give it to you when you gave us the puppy eye stare. Are you hungry?

You gave me a guilty manja look in my dream... Still trying to figure that one out.


-sunz-

Find me,

Even if you can't see me.

-サヤカ-

I'm suddenly reminded of the time I started to play "find the treat" with you. 

I read that even dogs could go senile if they are not mentally stimulated in their later years. So in a bid to keep you sharp. I would play that game with you when I had the time and strength. 

I wished we had played it more. 

Anyway, I liked how you found all the treats with some prompting. Even when I hid them on the sofa, under the carpet, in corners, on the stairs etc.

You being you, I guess I didn't have to worry bout you going senile, you got so used to the game that you started to anticipate where I would put the treats. Smart kid. But well that's my little boy. Right?

***

Hi Baby, 

My colleague said it snowed this morning, but I didn't see it, nor saw any traces of it. Oh well guess I will get a chance to see it soon, since it keeps getting colder here.

Trying not to cry in the morning and night now.

-sunz-

The days don't get any easier.

-サヤカ-

 Since I've been feeling down in the dumps lately, and trying to distract myself with my work and games, let me post something that was at least a little remotely funny to me when I did it to you.

In 2013 after my first trip back from Japan, I bought a few things here and there, and my then violin teacher asked me to buy some stickers for his niece, I did, and since it was a gift, I took off the price tag, and being cheeky me, I stuck it on you.

You hate whenever I used to do things like that to you, sticking something on your forehead, like those chinese zombies.

I was so mean right? but anyway, I sent a picture of you with the price tag to my Japanese friends, and all of them said "wah you are so cheap!" haha well 370yen, that is cheap haha, but you know, as we all do, you are actually priceless.

***



Hi Baby,

It's been 90 days, and the days don't get any easier, I wake up with tears in my eyes... I sometimes sleep with a few tears in my eyes too, I try to keep busy, I try to keep you close, but it's hard.

How do you mend a broken heart? How do you get over the loss of 13 years of love and companionship? 

How do you mend the feelings of guilt and of anger of not being there when you needed me most?

How do you heal the pain that stemmed from not being able to be by your side during those last few months, weeks, days and hours?

How do you mend the feelings of wanting to see you, hold you, cuddle you, talk to you.

I want to see your face, I want to see you react to me when I talk to you, when I bully you, when we cuddle.

What do you do? What can I do?

-sunz-

It's not so much of the question how or when. But of why.

-サヤカ-

As we grew so did you...

The way you leveled up was funny though. 

From your blue cage to a cushion to our beds. *chuckle*

Remember that you were so small that we were worried you couldn't get into your blue cage? 

Bro and I used one of the remains from a project from my home economics class as a step for you. 

And we taught you how to use it. 

But since it was no fixture by any means it kept moving. And after a while, we dispensed of it totally...

I don't know why, but I just recalled this randomly....

***

Hi Baby,

Today I was suddenly missing you, the look on your face, your warmth, your smell... Your everything. 

Words not spoken...

-サヤカ-

I used to fall sick quite often last time, although now a days I hold out better, but it seemed like there always came a time, that I would loose my voice. It seemed like an annual occurrence; bearing that in mind, when I was teaching you, I decided that I had to take that into account, and inserted hand gestures and claps when I taught you.

I loved how it paid off, how you would come when I clap twice, or jumped up to let me carry you when I clapped once, or how you would sit with just a gesture of my hand.

Well although thanks to everyone you kept getting your "sit" and "sleep" gesture mixed up, and try as I might, I couldn't fix that after that. But that just made you, uniquely you. 


***

Hi Baby,

I forgot today was a public holiday here and I came to work lol, sorry to drag you out in the cold with me, but well it's cold at home too, at least here I don't have to worry about my electricity bill, though I really do wish that the heater would be warmer. England's one was much better.

Anyway, since I ended up at the university, I decided to get some work done, seeing as my workshop is closing in, and I guess I'm bout 85% done? Maybe?

Whatever it is, it's getting cold. Let's go home shall we?


-sunz-

Hold me close,

Never let me go.

-サヤカ-

I'm somehow randomly and suddenly reminded of my attempts at teaching you, and for some reason, this one pops out at me. I was trying to teach you to lie down, but the command for that seemed too long, so I decided to choose "sleep" as the command in the end.

I remembered teaching you based on repetition, basically repeating the word at the action you were doing until you associated your action with the word I was trying to teach you.

For some reason I am reminded of the time where I was playing the piano, and as usual you came to my feet, and when you started to lie down, I stopped playing the piano to actually say "sleep". And you gave me this weird look haha as if to say, "whaddya stop, and what the heck are you saying?!"

I don't know why, I suddenly remembered that...


***

Hi Baby,

Since I decided to stay home today, I had to think how to stay warm without spending much electricity, since my electric bill went up to like 60 bucks. that's like more than 3 times my usual bill, even the gas went up as well.

I guess the weather is getting colder, and unlike in summer, I have been taking hotter showers now too. And well, December was when I had guests too.

I'm seriously contemplating sleeping in the middle room to save on electricity costs now lol. Otherwise it was a slow day, read comics the whole day to distract me, so that I wouldn't think too much and start crying...

-sunz-

Lost

I have lost a little wet nose,

Little slobbery kisses,

And a little piece of me.

I have lost a patch of sunlight,

The warmth and its security,

And a little piece of me.

I have lost a child,

A companion and a friend,

And a little piece of me.

If I try to search for these missing pieces,

What will I be able to find?

-サヤカ-

As I sit here, thinking back on our time together, I realised how much we have grown, through this 13 years together, how we changed to what we are now.

How when you were a puppy, you were so easy to teach since you always wanted to please, and how in the later years, you were like "Meh, that's your problem, deal with it." *chuckle*

How you would always come to the door before we secured you in the kitchen every time we went out, and how later, you would just settle in your bed to wait for us, confident that we will come home to you.

How you would initially beg for scraps or food at the table (i.e. puppy eye power), but realised that most of the time, we wouldn't give it to you, so you would just settle down and sleep on mom's slippers. Only coming around when we called you to give/sneak you some scraps.

It's all these little moments that count. They counted a lot to me, and will be memories that I hold dear.

That side, some things didn't change much but I guess I will share that tomorrow. I need to go wipe my tears away now...

***

Hi Baby,

I'm just wondering when will it get easier for me? Every time I'm unoccupied, I start to think "Why did you go?" or "Why did you leave me?" or "Why didn't you wait for me?".

So in the end, I've gone back to playing my games, so that I don't think about all these too much. With my workshop coming up, I try to keep my mind occupied so that I don't think of these stuff. Truth be told, I am really busy trying to prepare my slides in time...

But when I do inadvertently think, all I seem to be left back with is pain, sadness, heart ache, anger and nothingness. Sometimes I recall something funny and I laugh, but most of the time I cry as I remember how we used to to stick to each other so much.

Now we can't stick to each other, now we have nothing.

All I have left of you now are just ashes and tears, I will no longer get your warmth to cuddle with, I won't get your wet nose, your expressive eyes.. I won't get you anymore...

Sometimes I find myself thinking that I wish that you would reincarnate, and come look for me, like you did the first time, come be with me again, be my little wet nose again, my little warmth again, my little patch of sunshine again...

-sunz-

Shadow me.

-サヤカ-

With me carrying you around now, it reminds me of how you always liked to follow me every where. Even if I were to just go up to go to another room to get something and return, you would be up looking at me, with the look saying "are you coming back?" or "where are you going?".

Sometimes you would just plain upright tail me when you couldn't stand waiting. I always found it so adorable that you did that. Though as you got older, I guess it was tiring to follow me in and out, so you would usually wait unless I took too long then you would come looking for me.

Continue to shadow me till I'm ok, ok?

***

Hi Baby,

I don't know when I will be able to put you down, I'm wishing that I have the sight to see if only just to be able to see you.

I don't know whether it's psychological or not, but having a bit of you near me, really feels like you came to me.

I imagine you waiting for me outside the shower like you used too, you sitting on my lap like you use to, and you sleeping beside me like you use too.

I'm coming home to you in less than a month, although it will be for a short while, but better than nothing right?


-sunz-

Memories

Like little fragments of glass,

The light glints off them,

Sometimes creating rainbows,

Sometimes reflecting nothing,

Little fragments of memories.

-サヤカ-

Probably one of the main reasons why everyone loved you was maybe because you were well taught.

You didn't simply go barking your head off at anything, or running around that much.

Of the few times I was teaching you, I suddenly remembered the time I was teaching you how to "come" to me.

I guess like a child, you mostly got the gist of the word, but after that you seemed to had it ingrained in you, that even when I just mentioned the word "come", with no intention of calling you, you came.

There was this time I was sitting on the floor talking to bro about your training, and he was saying the word "come" in his sentence as was I, and you were confusedly going back and forth between us, before we realised what what going on.

So adorable.

But....

Well that only lasted in your puppy years, after that I practically had to scold you to "come" *chuckles* you little rebel you.

***

Hi Baby,

The weather, is well.. What can I say, bearable.

I don't have much mood to work even though my workshop presentation is coming up, but I'm doing my best to finish my slides.

It seemed to me though last night, that you didn't seem to like me wearing you to bed, and as per your request, I have put you in your rightful place when we sleep at night.

-sunz-

If there was a wishing well,

I would throw everything in,

Just to be with you again.

-サヤカ- 

You know speaking about your bed I got you, it was adorable how you would usually curl up in it, you would sometimes be lazily lounging in it and sometimes look up at us, instead of getting out of it.

But I guess there was this one day it was kind of warm, so it was too hot for you to go into bed, and you ended up hanging outside of it. It was such an adorable sight. Like I want my bed, but it's too hot to go in, but.. I'm not giving it up... *chuckle*

***

Hi Baby,

It's a busy day for me, or rather an estimated busy week for me as I rush to prepare for my workshop which starts on the 23rd. 

I was just reminisicing last night, and I was thinking that in the past, I always thought that if, and when I ever got married, I had wanted you to be part of my wedding pictures. It would have been non negotiable. It was like, I always expected you to be around, even when I find someone and settle down. 

But of course that is no longer meant to be.

And it tears my heart to pieces.

-sunz-

Stay by my side and sing me a lullaby.

-サヤカ-

I had always wanted to get you your own doggy bed, even though you usually used mine to sleep at night. 

You even had a cushion by my bed for the times where you were not allowed on the bed.

Finally after so many years, I bought you one. I'm glad you got to use it for a while and it seemed like you did like it.

Here's a video of you trying out your new bed for the first time.

***

Hi Baby,

Today wasn't a good day for me.. Can't breath without you.

The weather today reflects my mood perfectly.


-sunz-

This time last year. 

-サヤカ-

This time last year you were still with me. You were with me for 12 years you were with me this time of the year. 

But I guess last year was more memorable. Since for the first time we had a Christmas party and sis and I took the initiative to decorate the house. 

I don't remember what they are called now but those sparkly balaclava like things were some of the stuff we used. 

And seeing that you were molting fur, and following me around as I cleaned. I got cheeky and wrapped it around you. Making you look like a sheep. 

You gave me a good laugh and a good memory then. 

No longer will I be able to make such memories with you anymore though. 

***

Hi Baby,

Is it possible to not want to heal? To always miss you? 

-sunz-

Lost without you.

-サヤカ-

Remember that popular scene from the cartoon The Lady and the Tramp. They were both eating spaghetti, and happened to take the same strand leading them to a "kiss". I though that only happened in cartoons, so tt was funny the first time you did it.

I always liked to have you with me wherever I go and eating with me on the dining table was no exception.

Dad always reprimanded me for it though, but there was this one time I was eating wan tan mee or something I think, and I had you on my lap.

I had a string of noodle dangling from my mouth and you suddenly latched on and started eating it.

I guess that was the start of our noodle sharing/mother bird habits.

***

Hi Baby,

Today sis went back home, and I spent the day lazing about. did laundry, went out to buy a little something for the house, cooked porridge, cleaned a little.

I was at Daiso and inadvertently ended up in the pet section and there were some winter clothing for dogs. I ended up tearing and had to leave that section.

Looks like I still can't do it.

Although I bring you every where I go now, and I sleep with you now, I still feel lost.

-sunz-

Oh, to be able to go back in time.

-サヤカ-

Thinking back, we were kind of similar, played too much and we would fall sick. 

Getting sick numerous times when you were younger. 

Going out and getting some skin ailment. 

Well while I don't get skin ailments I do get sick easily when I go out. 

Your refusal to eat when you were younger. 

It's all similar to when I was younger. 

Two peas in a pod?

Was that why we clicked? 

***

Hi Baby, 

As usual time continues on. I'm quite tired out everyday from bringing sis around or meeting friends. 

Tomorrow sis will be going home and it will be back to the grinding stone for all of us. 

Still thinking of you always...

-sunz-

My ray of sunshine

-サヤカ-

You know, you were always prone to skin ailments. And there was this one time I caught an abscess on your shoulder and set about to treat it. 

It was really small so we could say that it was like a pimple instead. However afraid that it would get infected. I cleaned it periodically and tried to keep it covered. 

But since it was near your shoulder joint it was difficult to keep a plaster on you. So I ended up wrapping you up using one of the inner belts for my yukata. And you looked like an injured soldier. So cute. 

***

Hi Baby,

It's a new year, and well I don't know what to expect out of it. Without you. 

I'm still trying to plough on. 

You know I went to three different shrines and did omikuji/fortune telling. And all 3 said similar things. 

Leave things to God. My illness will get better by itself. 

A lot of this things are usually interpreted by ourselves. 

But I guess I know what illness all three fortunes were talking about. 

I guess one good thing is though, that my first fortune of the year started with Dai kochi/big luck. 

Let's hope that it stays true. 

-sunz-