Lost

I have lost a little wet nose,

Little slobbery kisses,

And a little piece of me.

I have lost a patch of sunlight,

The warmth and its security,

And a little piece of me.

I have lost a child,

A companion and a friend,

And a little piece of me.

If I try to search for these missing pieces,

What will I be able to find?

-サヤカ-

As I sit here, thinking back on our time together, I realised how much we have grown, through this 13 years together, how we changed to what we are now.

How when you were a puppy, you were so easy to teach since you always wanted to please, and how in the later years, you were like "Meh, that's your problem, deal with it." *chuckle*

How you would always come to the door before we secured you in the kitchen every time we went out, and how later, you would just settle in your bed to wait for us, confident that we will come home to you.

How you would initially beg for scraps or food at the table (i.e. puppy eye power), but realised that most of the time, we wouldn't give it to you, so you would just settle down and sleep on mom's slippers. Only coming around when we called you to give/sneak you some scraps.

It's all these little moments that count. They counted a lot to me, and will be memories that I hold dear.

That side, some things didn't change much but I guess I will share that tomorrow. I need to go wipe my tears away now...

***

Hi Baby,

I'm just wondering when will it get easier for me? Every time I'm unoccupied, I start to think "Why did you go?" or "Why did you leave me?" or "Why didn't you wait for me?".

So in the end, I've gone back to playing my games, so that I don't think about all these too much. With my workshop coming up, I try to keep my mind occupied so that I don't think of these stuff. Truth be told, I am really busy trying to prepare my slides in time...

But when I do inadvertently think, all I seem to be left back with is pain, sadness, heart ache, anger and nothingness. Sometimes I recall something funny and I laugh, but most of the time I cry as I remember how we used to to stick to each other so much.

Now we can't stick to each other, now we have nothing.

All I have left of you now are just ashes and tears, I will no longer get your warmth to cuddle with, I won't get your wet nose, your expressive eyes.. I won't get you anymore...

Sometimes I find myself thinking that I wish that you would reincarnate, and come look for me, like you did the first time, come be with me again, be my little wet nose again, my little warmth again, my little patch of sunshine again...

-sunz-