"Everyone just wants to be understood" -Mikex Michelle-

「にんしき」Realization, cognizance, recognition, but this is more in the context of the first meaning...

Sometimes when you chat with others, you actually realise things about yourself.. it's weird how it works, but it's scarily true...

I had a family dinner today, with my 2nd and 3rd uncles, as well as my paternal grandmother... it was a delicious dinner, full of seafood... and we left it, feeling very full.....

On the way home, my parents suddenly started asking me about my friends.... and well i just answered... and then it suddenly came down to my personality, and my friends not understanding me....

As we all know... i have a sort of difficulty mixing with girls.. something I've had since i was a child.. though now... i mix quite fairly well with girls, but I'm still always somewhat wary around the majority of them... Why? because to my understanding and belief.. women are all like elephants, do a wrong to them, and well, they will never forget it.... (and more often then not, never really truly forgive it either...they will be vile to you, bitch and gossip about you, till the end of their lives.. or well, for as long as they remember...)

Furthermore... based on my experience, women always get offended very easily, and we always have to look after their feelings, and watch what we say... etc... i know, not all of them are like that... but still.. their (the other girls) thinking, and my thinking are kind of different.... Though sometimes i do get offended easily too.... as do some men.. But hey, we are only humans...

I guess maybe it's just inborn... talking about shopping, clothes, shoes and bags, sort of bore me, but i don't mind them, and i don't mind shopping for them when i need them.. but i don't shop like the normal female, even though i am one... heck i didn't even know, some brands existed, till i was introduced to them, by my female friends... and a certain male friend who brought me shopping, ermm tagging along in London...

i mean, i would browse around, to find something i like, and which is affordable.. but when i see it, i like it, it's affordable, and i need it, i just buy it, without hesitation... it's somewhat like a guy's habit of buying things.. i don't really flit here and there... though since i tend to be kind of stingy and scrimp on every penny... sometimes i do so.... but either than that....

so when i was chatting with my parents, then it dawned on me.. i've always been contradicting since i was young... As mentioned before.. I am a sort of a weird species...

People always say men are from mars, and women from venus, and i was saying, that since i understand both, considerable well, that makes me an alien from another planet.. hopefully earth ahaha...

so yes, back again to me being a weird species... apparently, me being of this weird species, is one of the main reasons people don't understand me, which i don't understand why, because I'm as plain as day, talkative to boot... but i digress...

and then, it dawned on me... i have always been sort of contradicting even as a child... I don't really like shopping per say... but if it's shopping for food, i don't mind... i don't mind if i shop when i need to, but i was always quick.. maybe it's because of my body size, that as long as it is an S or XS i will fit, and look fine... but i bought clothing fairly fast and easy, like a boy....

I liked to wear skirts, and tie ribbons.... but i also liked to climb trees and run around....

i liked soft toys and dolls, but when i play with my dolls... i remember that i was ermm, playing some sort of action adventure with them... i don't know.. i can't really remember, but it's like.. you know, normal girls, as i found out when playing dolls with my neighbours and cousins.. would like their dolls to go to a ball and meet their prince, live happily every after...

Well, i have that storyline as well, but where's the fun being the damsel in distress? so my dolls, will have their own adventure.. fight the evil witch or whatever.. well something like that... A bit like shounen....

girls liked... stuff like sailormoon and some didn't find dragon ball that appealing...

well, ermm, i liked sailormoon.. the anime & manga in general, but not the lousy crybaby main character... i liked the other characters who were strong and independent.. and well tuxedo mask? haha, but i think i liked dragon ball a tad more... the fighting was more interesting...

that's enough examples.. i think everyone gets my drift... I've been sort of contradicting since i was a child till now...

but people just don't get it, like for example, i once told a friend, i m the kind that when i shop, i see, i like, i buy (this is sort of like the female side, and that's where you get those shopoholics...). the next time i went shopping with her, i saw something i liked, but too me it wasn't really a necessary item, or that affordable.. and she was egging me, asking me, why aren't i buying it....

sometimes this makes me wonder.. must i really state everything clearly? must i say... i see, i like, i buy.. IF it's affordable and necessary??(the affordable and necessary, is kind of to the male side... that's why men can't understand why some women need 20 pairs of shoes when we all only wear one, and for the life of me, i can't understand either...) i mean it's like... duh... it's common sense, why don't you people get it?

it's like me saying... ermm... i don't like to eat....... errr.... bitter gourd... but guess what? i still eat it..... i will eat it, when i have no choice... and well it's common sense as well, i don't eat it, cause i don't like bitter stuff... so if you cook it in a way that is not bitter i will eat it... i mean, i have lacunas/exceptions..... why can't people use common sense to see it? it's as clear as day, staring straight back at you....

i mean if i said, "i HATE bitter stuff", now that is an altogether different context.. then, i wouldn't even eat the stuff, and would spit it out if i ate it.. well more so due to the bitter taste which my delicate taste buds are not accustomed too.

I don't like coffee... i don't like the smell, don't like the taste... but guess what.. there are times that i actually drink the stuff, and eat the beans... so what does that make me? i don't think i'm a hypocrite... it's just that you people can't see the lacunas..

so when i say, i hate cigarette smoke, or cigarettes in general, you won't see me smoking one, ever, and i try to avoid the smoke like the plague... maybe it's because i'm allergic, but still... now that is where there isn't any place for loopholes..

so let's say another example.. sorry satoshi kun, but i'm using you as an example...

let's say for example.. i don't like satoshi kun, (i like him okay, i don't dislike him...it's an example....) so what? people actually expect me to avoid him like the plague? Talk dirt about him?(bear in mind it is dislike, not hate, heck, even if you hate your boss, you are still forced to work for your boss, unless you can find another job with an equal or better pay.... there are lacunas in everything...)

Sorry, but i don't do that.. even if i don't like him, if i have to talk to him.. I'm not going to be rude, I'll be civil, and friendly, though I'll be sort of cold, because I'm wary, it's sort of like a self protection mechanism.... Just because i dislike a person, doesn't mean that I'll bitch about that person...

But if people asked me, i will tell the person who asked me his bad points.. to me, i'm sort of like warning people.. like for example.. (it's a GOD DAMMNED FREAKING EXAMPLE..IT'S TOTALLY UNTRUE!!!) don't do coursework with him, cause he won't lift a finger... i mean, i'm not going around just telling any Tom, Dick or Harry.. i'm telling the person that asked me, or raised the issue with me.... but i just don't get you people..

The females in general, are especially the ones to just jump on the bandwagon straight away, and are always the one who are pointing out. just because i say this, or that, they take it at face value.. without analysing and seeing the lacunas...

So how can i not be wary of them? i have to watch what i say with them, because they take it all at face value... it's irritating on my part, not to say the least, and frustrating, that they don't understand though we are of the same sex.. sometimes i get so exasperated that i wonder where have their brains gone... and constantly left wondering if they even use them....

But again i stress, that not all females are like that.. there are some who are of the same sort of species as me, and we get along fine... and some that are so-so...

As for the guys, i don't know...

They don't actually say anything, and i doubt that they understand... but i guess, that's where they hugely differ from the females.. no matter what I say and do, they still take me as me, and accept me, they aren't so critical like the Venus species, the Martians, just take me as they know me, caring for friends, nice and sociable, they aren't so nitty gritty picky into everything, so what if i don't like coffee but still drink it? that doesn't affect my character, I'm still nice and sociable... (i hope this is how they think.... haha)

See where the line is drawn between the Martians and the Venus... err Venuses?? haha... The guys are more easy going, and they don't care about all this nitty picky stuff, heck if you asked them, what is my favourite drink, i can tell you the guys will all go Milk, ask a female and she will say, ?Dutch lady full cream milk..

This is the huge difference between them, and unfortunately for me... guys aren't as sensitive as the female species, so most of the time it gets disappointing, when the don't realize a thing, though it's okay that the girls realize, but well, they will be nitty picky on it, something which i don't like... as they say, you can't have your cake and eat it too....

So as an earthling, i am the minority, and i do not take nicely to being marginalised, unfortunately, it isn't easy to find other earthlings to rally together to form a party to fight for our rights... so, i guess i just have to stay misunderstood, because all humans are selfish, and always place themselves first, they won't bother trying to understand others, unless if it's to their beneficial interest... and i guess, I'm just not a beneficial interest to them...

**

On another note, a lot of people are going to ask me to shut up or go to hell, due to the next rant...

I find it totally scandalous that they make clothing too big...

I think one of the main reasons i don't really like to shop, is not only because of the exorbitant prices, but also because of the exorbitant sizes...

I don't understand.. My BMI is 19.2, that is quite good, means my body weight and height are in harmony... But when it comes to clothings, and shopping for them, nay... even for shoes.. i am more often then not, reduced almost to tears...

First shoes... Asian shoemakers/suppliers, are brainless dimwits, who think that the biggest size that an Asian female feet will grow is 7, never have they thought that there are the minority of females, with feet bigger than a size 7... this makes shoe shopping hell...

i can't find cheap nice shoes, because they don't come in my size.... if i do find one in my size.. it's most probably ugly or uncomfortable... if i do find one which is nice and comfortable, the price tag attached on it, makes me totally uncomfortable....

see why i don't like to shop for shoes??

now on to clothes, yes, i know, a lot of people will start throwing rotten eggs and vegetables at me, but i must voice out my opinion... it is my right to do so...

And i will state it again, it is SCANDALOUS to make clothings so big....

yes, the majority of women will beg to differ, they say the clothes are just nice... i digress...

it's no fun for me, when i have to shop for clothes, find something I like, only to find that it doesn't fit, because it is an M size.. so okay.. i will head on to the S only to meet the same fate.. it is irritating when they don't come in XS...especially when i like the blouse, and really wish to buy it...

big sized women will say the same, though their case is contrary to mine, but the irritation we feel is the same... yes, i look nice in almost everything i wear, i'm proud of that... and yes i am an S size, (proud of that too) and i am happy for that..seriously...

But i am UNHAPPY when i can't even fit into an S and need a non existent XS!! well, not that i'm complaining about my body size, i know I lack in a certain department, but my body size is just nice, it's perfect to me, and that's important..

i just wished that they would make more shoes and clothes my size, which are nice and affordable.. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there with this problem.. and well we as the minority, ought not to be marginalised....

-Oracl3-