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Dictionary definition:

Adjective –

1.    Unusually advanced or mature in development, especially mental development: a precocious child.

2.    Prematurely developed, as the mind, faculties, etc.

3.    Or or relating to premature development.

4.    Botany.

a.    Flowering, fruiting, or ripening early, as plants or fruit.

b.    Bearing blossoms before leaves, as plants.

c.     Appearing before leaves, as flowers.

It’s not a term that I’m unfamiliar with, I’ve been called that a few times over the years, since I was a child – though some people used other adjectives such as mature, mellow, grown up etc. But in the end they all agree that I usually act older than my age.

The last person I heard use this exact term on me, was my ex boss; 14 years older than me, and recently in a chat with some friends, a similar term came up. Though it was in Japanese. I guess that is the impression I leave upon others.

Is it a blessing or a curse? I am not sure, but I do feel that I have an inherent tendency to view things differently from other people, or at least I try.

It gets tiring though when people can’t seem to see the angle you are coming from. But I digress. This is a totally random post that resulted from a random conversation with some friends recently.

But speaking about maturity, I do wonder from time to time if it is this same maturity that helped me make my choices to this day? Or do I just not bother with the world as much as other people do?

I had some friends ask me, don’t I find it unfair that both my siblings get to live their lives overseas and I’m stuck back home with my parents? Don't I feel tied down?

I guess in some sense, some people will find it unfair. That I can’t spread my wings and fly as far as I like. But I prefer to view it differently, I’m the youngest amongst my siblings, and I view this as the chance for me to have more time with my parents. That’s it, plain and simple.

Thinking back to the past, I was a weak child and my parents had to spend quite a bit of their time nursing me to health, and I can say that I am determined to do the same for them. It definitely won’t be easy, but I think with a will there will be a way.

Randomly, since we are on the subject of my health I remember a few amusing anecdotes, I mean they are amusing now and I laugh a little as a reminiscence, but trust me I was frustrated and sometimes a little scared in the past. But in the end these are all some of the best instances of the weirdness of my parents and childhood *chuckles*

Like the time I caught a cold, and my dad rubbed Vicks on me, the next day my cold miraculously disappeared and till today I have this weird believe that Vicks is a miracle cold medicine.

I remember the time I had a high fever and my mom panicked and rushed me to the emergency ward, near tears and afraid that I had caught dengue. It was my turn to cry when a needle was stuck in me for a blood test to see if I actually had dengue or not.

When news of some neighbour catching dengue reaches my mother’s ears, I’m not allowed out at all and all doors and windows are shut…

Or the time she nearly cried when I asked if I could go camping with my scout troop, and she said that if I got dengue I probably couldn’t fight it and I would die, so no, I could not go – I never asked if I could go camping again, after that...

The time I had a really bad stomach flu with seriously high fevers after coming back from Australia in 2004, and my dad gave me 100 plus to drink, I ended up spitting it out, because of gas or something I think, and complained to him who gives 100 plus to a sick person first thing in the morning – I remembered he just laughed at me good-naturedly and that I had porridge to eat through out this bout of illness.

Or in 2011 – 2012  when I nearly had a nervous breakdown from all the accumulated stress from my work, and my mom actually told me to quit, don't worry about the money, she will support me with her pension till I can work again.

Again in that same timeframe when I had to go for a minor surgery to remove a lump, and was put under anesthesia, my mom was with me to comfort me and my fear of needles. (I had a big ass one poked into a vein on my hand and nearly passed out because of the fear and my empty stomach).

The time where my mom actually said that if I wanted to get another dog she wouldn’t be opposed to it, if it would help my mental state after I lose my current one.

There are many other instances, over the years, but these have somehow stuck very firmly within me.  It’s funny how they seem to be there at the most opportune moments, yet they are so fully capable of driving you up the walls at other times.

Like the time I cried and said they didn’t care about me, since they didn’t bother taking me to a doctor just because I didn’t have the strength to ask them too. Their excuse was, you seemed to be responding to the medication that we had at home, so they didn’t bother. This has happened a few times.

There was this one time, I was so busy with work and everyday by the time I got home my parents would all be asleep, my mom actually woke up in the middle night and scared the crap out of me, by trying to open my door by turning the door knob at like 1am in the morning? She could have knocked, but I don't know why she didn't! I was stripping for the shower and totally freaked out. When I worked up the courage to ask who is that, she said she just wanted to see my face.

I remember that one time, my mom accidentally kneed me in the eye, forming a horrible bruise, and I went to the hospital to have it checked out. The doctors were all pissed off like, “who dared to lay a finger on you?!” and the moment they saw my mom they were like “oh staff nurse, is this your daughter? Oh an accident? Ok let’s take a look”. 

But I digress all this talk of the past, nursing and/or being there for anyone will probably be a while away, since it seems like they are still taking care of me even now. I guess we never grow up when we are with our parents.

My mom used to say quite often, that no matter how old the children get, they are always their little children in the eyes of the parents. And I guess that is true.

Not everything is a bed or roses, or unicorns, puppies and rainbows though, there are of course  the ups and downs. My parents are not perfect people, as I said they drive me up the walls a lot of the time and sometimes when they piss me off so much, I say things like perhaps I should live overseas too and come back once a year or once in two years.

Those are the instances of my immature times, as I say it out of spite to shut them up, but I’ve frankly never seriously considered it. I’ve never thought of being away from them for long periods of time. Some would say that it’s because I enjoy the comforts of home, but as crazy as they make me sometimes, I enjoy their company. Crazy huh? And I know sometimes I don't show it, especially after a stressful day and I need my “me” time. But knowing that they are there, that the support is there, even if they can’t do anything, but just listen to you gripe and whine and complain. it’s comforting.

Besides do you know the secret?

I’m not perfect too, I drive my parents up the wall too, maybe more so than they do to me; and through all the crap I spew, they forgive me. Although it may not show, I do try my very best to be patient with them, and to make them happy. It’s a battle, especially after a tough, long day at work and they say and do things that get on my nerves. But that’s life I guess, and I guess that’s family, we don't have to walk on eggshells around each other.

So I guess at the end of the day, if I suddenly died today, and you asked me if I regretted anything, I could look back on this chapter of my life, and at least be able to say, for this particular chapter that “no, I had none.” And that would be my honest truth.

-サヤカ-