Uphill

As I stand here,

Looking upwards,

Trying to catch my breath,

I wipe my tears,

And contemplate that,

Which has,

For many nights,

Occupied my mind,

Should I continue,

On this uphill trudge,

Or can I just stop,

And follow after you?

-サヤカ-

They say that pets help with pain, especially dogs, so there are a lot of therapy dogs out there.

While I'm not exactly sure about the science behind it - since I've not read intensively about it, but I do feel that it is true.

Like you, I hate injections, and there was this time I was taking some shots at home, where mom gave them to me.

The first shot she gave me, hurt like hell.

Out of fear or anticipation of the pain, usually our body would subconsciously tense up, it's really difficult to consciously release the tension. 

Most of my shots happened at hospitals, so since these shots were given at home, the second time, I decided to hold you.

It's psychological, I know, but the effect was tremendous, I didn't tense up as much as usual, as I cuddled you comfortably in my arms, and as a result it hurt much less. The easiest shot I have ever had in my life.

But...

You are no longer here to help with my pains.


***

Hi Baby,

I was suddenly reminded of September, when I came home for my holiday cum business trip.  When I first got home, I had to go out for my facial, and you followed me to the stairs, with tears in your eyes, as if asking me, "where are you going now?" I still remember that look on your face vividly. It broke my heart then, but I just gave you a little forlorn smile and assured you that I would be home.

And when I laid down on the couch during that time, you came to me as usual, asking to join me on the couch. However you would usually sleep at my feet, but during that whole time, you would sleep by my side.

You knew didn't you? You thought I was home and that you didn't have to fight anymore right? Who knew that I was only home for a short while. And couldn't be there in the end.

How do you continue when half your life has died?


-sunz-