Wake up to the bright morning,

The leaves outside has changed,

The Autumn colours pepper the hills,

A mixture of red and brown,

Just like you.

-サヤカ-

I was fixing the slide show on the blog and scrolled down a little and saw the post on us sleeping together.

And I laughed, remembering this one time where I was so tired, and you tried your best to wake me up to take you to the toilet.

You were using your hands and jumping a little to give you the momentum to tap on me.

But I was just too tired. It was like 6 something in the morning? I know that back in high school I used to wake up at 630 and we would let you out of of your cage to go to the toilet every morning around that time.

So I guess your toilet time didn't change initially.

And well because I couldn't wake up, and you were jumping on my head.

I guess you couldn't take it and lost control of your bladder.

You went right there on my pillow, well away from my head and it's still better than you wetting the bed.

But your face, I was of course shocked when I finally woke up, and got a sound scolding from dad, lol, but your face, was priceless.

You were like "I'm Sorrrrryyy~~ I can't hold it in anymore".

Well naturally since it wasn't your fault and you know it was wrong, you of course didn't get a scolding, but it's still a hilarious memory for me.

***

Hi Baby,

I still cry a little, here and there, while I can watch videos of big dogs, I can't watch videos involving small dogs. But that's an improvement right?

On Fridays I feel the saddest though, and today I cried quite a bit again.  It still hurts so much. And its so hard being alone here. You were there for almost half my life, you've all I known for that half of my life.

How do I move on? My eyes are tired and dry from all the crying, my chest hurts sometimes, and feels tired most of the time, my stomach acts up almost every week. What should I do to make this pain less?

I've tried to keep my schedule so busy that I'm hardly at home to cook or to clean now. The house is a mess! I actually can't stand it! (But I'm either too tired to clean, or do not have the mood.)

I try to spend my time finishing my work, or doing other things to distract me.  (I actually have quite a bit of work to do)

But its not helping much. I forget for a while only to have it come back at full blast later.

I asked mom last night, how do I move on? How did Ling Yi move on? Rocky's death was more sudden than yours.

Well I guess one compensation, is that you are not alone right? You are probably with Grandpa, Rocky and your mother now right?

-sunz-