Gone

As the World moves on,

Maybe it doesn't know,

That You are gone,

But I do.

-サヤカ-

As I was brushing my teeth earlier, a random memory came to me about your dental hygiene. 

Unfortunately, and I'm sad to say, that we were quite lazy in taking care of your dental hygiene, we'd rather leave it to the Greenies, to help clean your teeth.

But technically since you ate wet food, you should have had your teeth brushed every day. 

I'm sorry we were so lazy about that aspect. 

We did buy you tooth brushes, and I remembered that beef flavoured tooth paste which you didn't seem to like. (There was no chicken flavoured tooth paste unfortunately).

I remmeber at some point we did try to brush your teeth a few nights in a row, but because you weren't used to it, and maybe we were a bit too rough, your gums bled a little. 

It turned out to be a not so nice experience for you and for us - your teeth brushing time, and I guess over the years we all just gave up on brushing your teeth. 

Not sure if that was a good or bad thing lol, you did end up with very bad breath and a number of spoilt teeth that had to be removed when you went for your scaling. 

But that didn't stop us from sharing kisses.

***

Hi Baby,

It's raining again here, and I bet I sound like a broken record, what with me complaining about the cold, not knowing what to do with myself, feeling like an empty container etc.

Well, to be frank, I think today was a bit better... 

I mean, since you left, I had just been laying around, too lethargic to raise a finger to do anything, and well, let's just say that 30 days of letting things lay around the house... Made it quite the mess. 

So today I did things. 

I went out to the shops to get me some clothes that will hopefully help me with the cold till sis comes. Then we can shop for more warm stuff if I need more then...

And I cleaned the house a little - well to be exact I tidied the corner with the paper bags (I will do the plastic bags corner when I feel like it). Tidied my so called "study" (You can see and use the table now lol). Tidied my wardrobe (The only thing I've been doing this past weeks was laundry, since well, I do need clothes to wear, I usually put them all nicely in the wardrobe but for the past few weeks I've just been chucking the clothes in.). I washed the sink and the bathroom too. 

I even packed up some summer clothes. Quite a productive day don't you think? As I was showering I nearly teared a little, but I managed to stop. Don't know if that is good or bad. Or if it will end up as how it has been the last few weeks, I manage to stave off the tears for a few days then start crying like mad after that. 

I mean I had a really good cry bout 2 days ago, and I mean a really good cry lol, some tearing the day after, and no (almost no) tears today. We will see how it goes.

I'm trying to fill up my schedule with activities that involve human interaction or which occupies my mind, so that I won't (hopefully) cry. It's autumn now and apparently a good time to go autumn leave viewing every where. So a few friends seem to have such trips planned out, which I plan to go if I can. 

Frankly it's tiring having to pretend everything is okay, especially since these are all strangers who don't know what I'm going through now.

But in some sense I guess having people around is better than being alone, and I will just take as much as I can till the dam breaks again.

-sunz-