Beginnings

They say that everything that is not a circle,

Has its begining and it has its end,

Where did our beginnings start?

When did we start on our journey together?

As I look back at our past,

I laugh a little, and I tell myself:

"I think we had a really good beginning."

-サヤカ-

I remember after first meeting you, we only had partial approval to have you. And that you were supposed to go to our aunt's sister in law at that time.

Baby sitting and eating, with his first doggy bowl
we got him. How often do you find a dog that
sits and eats? lol, only precious! <3 br="">

Mom was really against having you that time, and over the years we teased her about it as much as we could at how incredible your charms worked on mom. How you changed her. From her saying, "go away" to "come here" and gushing just how adorable you are. No one could resist your charms, that's your special power.

I still remember mom saying, "If your father agrees, then I will agree".

I bet, that never in a million years did mom think that we could win dad over. But you worked your magic. Just like how you worked it on all of us. 

You. Are. Incredible. <3

I still remember that dad had a bit of a pot belly at that time and he was lounging on the chair; belly protruding out. 

And all I did was place you on his belly. 

Like a little mountain, you hiked up, all the way to dad's face, gave him a little look, a little kiss on his chin, then you hiked back down that little mountain, and curled up into this little adorable ball on his belly. 

Your first obstacle. And I must say, whatever happened next?

It. Was. Unbelievable. 

Dad just looked at you. And those few seconds of his silence felt like an eternity, but he actually uttered "Okay, we can have him." 

Mom was shocked speechless, that was seriously hilarious. That was one of the best days of my life. Such amazingness, such hilarity. 

Mom couldn't go back on her word, and so from there, our journey started. 

The begining of our 13 years.

Our journey had begun... 

***

Hi Baby :)

How's it going today? I hope everything is going well for you. 

You are probably missing me as much as I'm missing you though. But I hope you had a good day. My day didn't start out very good. But I guess it turned out okay in the end.

I woke up today at 8, with an unsettled feeling in my chest or my stomach, I don't know which.

My stomach was killing me, it felt a little like that time where I nearly worked myself to death, but it was different.

I tried to ignore it, turn over and go back to sleep. Fighting the nausea.

At 9, the onslaught of those feelings attacked me again. And I tried to push it away again. 

It felt like if I continued to sleep, I did not have to face this reality. 

But reality, and life is harsh, if not cruel. 

At 10, I could not push it back anymore and I broke down in hysterics. It felt like I was going crazy, especially being here 5000 miles away from you, so I tried to call for help back home. But I could only get a single word typed out. Or to be more precise 2 letters typed out. 

I was calling for mom. I couldn't even manage to type out the words "help me". Even though I was screaming those words inside. 

In the end, I had a really good cry this morning, before mom insisted that we continue to stay online until I left the house for my lunch appointment with my friend. It was probably good that she did that, though I felt guilty that both mom and sis had to miss their yoga class. 

It really isn't easy as this reality hits me, that you are no longer there waiting for me. When I come home it will be empty. I cried a little here and there today. I did my very best to hold off my tears and grief for the whole of today. As promised I'm trudging on. I'm trying to continue my best, living on in this cruel world devoid of you.

But seeing accesorries and dogs clothes was really tough on me today, since I always checked those out for you. I had to advert my eyes, and refrain from looking at other dogs out on the neighbourhood with their owners. Lest I broke down and cried again.

On a happier note, I guess being out, helped me a little today. 

It was a sunny day and speaking to other people kind of helped a little I guess.

I went for lunch at a friend's restaurant in Osaka, had hainanese chicken rice, got to taste some really nice bak kut teh. Went to Tsutenkaku and realised that spa world was just right there! That place has a really retro feel, it was interesting. Maybe I could go there with sis in december.

Then I went to have my eyelashes permed, but I can't really see the difference unless my face is like 5cm away from the mirror. Total failure? lol

After that I had a nice shopping spree as I continued my hunt for clothes to help me pass through the changing weather, and to keep me warm in the later months. 

I think I did a fairly good job shopping, seeing that I have no fashion sense usually. I even managed to buy a pair of shoes! :) I need the thumbs up emoticon here lol

After that I had a mexican dinner with some friends, and that was the end of it. I don't know how tomorrow will fare, but I really hope that as everyone keeps telling me. 

That it will get better with time. 

Till we write again tomrrow.

With love 

-sunz-