Grass

Do you remember,

The smell of grass?

Or the feel of it?

-サヤカ-

Since I was so overprotective, you probably felt grass for the first time when you were about a year's old, and boy did you revel in it.

Sometimes you would dig, sometimes you would roll around in the grass, sometimes you would prance around in the grass.

And if the grass was long enough, you'd look like a little mouse-deer, hopping around.

You would chase butterflies, dragonflies, or anything worth chasing.

You would love it when I plucked up some grass and threw it in the air like confetti, as you tried to catch it.

And sometimes you would eat grass, and end up with an upset stomach, since apparently dogs only eat grass when their stomach wasn't well and they needed to regurgitate what they at.

All I can say is that you really loved your grass, and the time when we renovated the porch, your beloved grass was all taken away, and when you came back from your walk, you headed straight for your grass like usual, only to screech to a stop, and give me a sad look, as if saying "What happened to my grass?!"

The only place you could enjoy grass after that was back in our hometown, and as usual you revelled in grass.

***

Hi Baby,

The days are getting shorter and colder here, I've reverted to my usual routine, to give me a semblance of normalcy. Well it's easier to do that here any way.

Since all I can do here is sit here and reminisce about the past. 

The other day, I finally had the courage to ask sis about your last moments, and all I felt as she told me was, that you knew and you tried to look for me.

I'm still not sure if I should feel thankful that I didn't see your last moments, cause according to sis it was very painful and she still recalls it even now.

Am I really lucky to have been spared from that? I don't know, that belongs in the un-openable can of "what ifs" & "should haves", so it will definitely forever remain a mystery.

I've tried to stop thinking that I should have been there. And I think things have gotten a little bit easier. That and I distract myself with other stuff now. 

Now what comes to me is just that "You are no longer here".

And yesterday for some reason, that upset me more than usual.

-sunz-