Mother

When in pain or in fear,

Who is the first person you call out to?

-サヤカ-

I have always proudly been able to say that I was, and I still am without a doubt, your mummy.

Some people may see it as crazy, taking a dog, a totally different species, as your kid, but recently in society, more and more people are being more affluent and are treating pets like family now. We now have terms like "fur kid" or "pet parents". 

I may have been ahead of society then, but ten years ago, and now, I don't think that it was weird. Other people with pets, would agree with me.

It's not that odd anymore. Pets are family now. And you are family, no matter how much my friends teased me about it.

But in a household of 5 people, who took turns taking care of your needs, I will always proudly say that you are mine. You are my baby.

While I took care with teaching/training you, I also initially took care of all your needs as well, showering you, feeding you, walking you. (Sis was more like the financial minister though, buying the things you needed lol) Though as time went on, I had more things to do. College, University and Work.

And I grew a lazier with the taking care of your needs and, to be honest, while I had no regrets, and was lucky that mom and dad helped with you, I apologize for not taking care of all your needs. As I should have.

As I got older, I got busier and because of work, my role somehow turned to be the one that showers you only. No longer did I walk nor feed you. (Well I did try when I've the time or when mom and dad nags me lol) And I'm sorry for that.

I'm also sorry that I didn't play with you as much as I used to.

But you know what?

I always remembered that I was all you had, and I did my best to always be with you, even if it was just to nap together (which we evidently seemed to do a lot).

I constantly complained about how I'd like to bring you to work with me, since I spent so much damn time in the bloody office.

Or how on the weekends, after going out for a few hours, I would want to go home to you. I mean, I already had not enough time with you because of work on Mondays to Fridays, so I wanted to spend at least my weekend at home, with you.

Or if I had to go out and if I could, I would bring you every where with me.

So I guess, you also have to agree that, when I had the time, I would try my best to feed and care for you, to be beside you, especially whenever you are sick, despite my work schedule. Especially despite my work schedule.

I would forgo sleep to take care of you, even though I was already lacking sleep due to work. Like most mothers I guess, I would try to rush home from work to feed you your medicine and your food. Though dad sometimes beat me to it. I tried my best.

Save for when I was overseas, I was always by your side when you were in pain or unwell. And I'm extremely happy and thankful for that.

Cleaning up the mess that had likely resulted from your illness too was my responsibility. And I guess I can proudly say, that not once did I complain about it or thought it was a nuisance. (I may have gone "Aiyah" lol but I've never felt like staying away from you because of all the trouble). It was just you. And again I'm happy and thankful for that.

I mean seriously, cleaning up poo and vomit at 3am is no laughing feat. Do you even need to do that with human children?? But I guess I'm the only one that did it. And it is with pride that I admit, I did those things for you.

And when it hurts, you would always look to me for comfort. Like how a child runs to his mother to blow on the scrape on his knee.

Just like that time, do you remember? Mom and I were in the dining room chatting, and you were following dad around the kitchen.

When dad suddenly opened the fridge door, you jumped back and in the process hit the side of your head at the corner of the kitchen drawers.

You gave a little cry, then made a bee line to me, to make the pain go away, to make it all better.

I have no one to go to here, no one to make the pain go away, no one to make it all better.

***

Hi Baby,

It's been 49 days since you left. Tomorrow I put down my black ribbon.

-sunz-