Yellow

The yellowing Ginko leaves,

Calls to me,

 Just like how,

Autumn calls to Winter.

-サヤカ-


To be frank, as the days pass, I'm not sure what memories of you I should share today. I'm sure that I have more than a hundred memories to complete this 100 day Execuy, I mean we had 13 years together, but everyday, I'm left pondering, what memory about you should I share today?

Memories often overlaps, and I don't always have the accompanying pictures of videos for it, though I do recall taking some, but they might either be in hard copy back home or lost somewhere I guess.

Also, if I were to be completely honest, I feel like I'm forcing myself to share memories as everything feels all repressed inside. It's empty inside, like there is nothing in me, yet I squeeze out something every time.

And sometimes after I start typing, random things come to me, like currently, the random memory that has come to me was when I was first started training you to get used to your leash.

Do you remember your first leash? The blue one? Your first collar was a black one with smiley faces on it. When I first got you, I was a not very good mommy, not knowing what to do.

Well anyway, back to the topic at hand, in the beginning I didn't wash the collar and there was so much of your hair stuck on it. Initially you were not used to it, and you would often scratch at the collar, and you scratched off all the smiley faces.

I guess it was the hair that was poking at you, but I thought it was usual since the book did mention that you'd feel uncomfortable and start scratching at it. Cause after  I washed it, you didn't seem to scratch that much lol.

Your blue leash, is another story on its own. But since I'm on the topic, I will share it here.

I recall the book saying that I had to get you used to it by letting you wear it and drag it around for a bit, you were so cute dragging that little blue leash around, and you'd get annoyed when it got stuck or we purposely latched on to it.

I think one of the cutest moments was when you picked it up with your mouth as if you were walking yourself and you went to the door to wait. You hardly did that to be frank, but every time you did, it was absolutely adorable.

***

Hi Baby,

I've a full day at work today, so I'm not sure what to write about save that the weather here is getting colder and colder.

I didn't realize this earlier, but the trees near my building look like Ginko leaves, the kind I see in Japanese dramas and animes and it was really nice, they are all changing colour and falling to the ground, littering the ground with bright yellow leaves.

But it's just too cold for me and I am seriously considering just digging a hole to hibernate in till spring, but unfortunately that is not an option.

I'm not sure what to do, but as I try not to reread my post from yesterday lest I cry again. I will just go with the flow today.

I will admit, I was very emotional yesterday, and I cried till my eyes were swollen. I mean it's hard, I know it's hard, and it's because I love you so much that the pain is just as much.

But I'm trying my best to plough on by myself here. Wish me luck.

-sunz-