"Do unto others, as you would do unto yourself"

About a few weeks ago, Xian Ai and I were chatting casually, when the subject about boys being gentlemanly came up… (I know that my conversation with her was a few weeks old, but the thought just came to my mind randomly, and I was discussing it over lunch with my mom anyway..)

I think we were talking about a certain person, and I was saying that he totally lacked gentlemanly skills.. And that he required some real “training” if he wants to be popular with the girls…

I won’t be very arrogant, but I must say that some of the guys have been taught by me on how to be a gentlemen, but when you come to think of it, I didn’t teach them to be gentlemen, I merely taught them manners..

Why do I say that I didn’t teach them to be gentlemen? Well, if you’ve hung out with me, & travelled with me, you’ll notice that I practise what I preach (where applicable)… and I’m a female to top it off, so what does that make me? A gentlewoman?

Well one thing Xian Ai asked me was, where did I learn to have so much manners? Well all I can say is that I attribute it to my dad, who shows really great filial piety to his parents (though I’m unsure if I can live up to that standard, or if I am even already living it haha) and to my baby sitter’s mother when I was a child..

That grandmother, was really particular about manners, and instilled all of that into me when I was still a youngling. I think she is the main reason why I am so courteous, because compared to my siblings who didn’t go or spend much time at that babysitter, I am the most courteous of us three, but we are all not bad as an overall..

Don’t think my mother didn’t teach me any manners, she played her part as well, teaching me to say please and thank you.. You know the works; my mother is a polite woman as well. But you can’t beat an old lady brought up the old traditional way to really teach you to respect your elders…

Last but not least, I learnt from my aunt, on my dad’s side who was also particular about manners..

I had many teachers who taught me to always mind my manners (which I do whenever possible, unless I lose my temper haha) and well to always think of others and put myself in their shoes.. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I’m altruistic, or it could be just an inborn personality haha..

Anyway enough of my sources, here is a short list of what I teach the guys, and do myself, and well the reasoning behind it??

Firstly, never, ever walk in front of girls, either walk beside them or behind them..

With girls I personally know or think that they can’t really look after themselves, or a group of people I tend to do this, I will be at the back to look after the brood, unless well..... this is the exception, when you are leading..

Example is when we are travelling, one person will be reading the map and leading in the front, while someone looks after the rear to make sure no little lambs get lost…

Reasoning, is to ensure the safety of the girls, we all know and have to admit, that we females are the weaker sex, whether we like it or not, it’s a fact, we are easy victims. By walking in front of them, even if they get kidnapped, or wandered off, you wouldn’t know, unless you had eyes in the back of your head. Also it staves of predators (i.e. perverts).. Well basically the key word here is safety..

Then again as a girl myself I shouldn’t exactly be looking after the rear…. Who’s going to watch my back?? Guess that’s what makes me reliable and independent? But it also means I place myself in danger... =.='

Though I know of some religions who make women walk behind men, that’s just being plain sexist, and it shows that they don’t care what happens to the women..


Secondly, Opening and holding the door for others… this is actually common courtesy.. it doesn’t matter if you are male or female, slamming the door in someone else’s face is painful and plain rude… so please remember to say thankful to the person who holds the door open for you…

Thirdly, When you eat, especially with elders, always serve them first, and allow them to all start eating first before you start. With friends this is different, as people don’t observe such an act with friends who are mostly peers anyway. But rarely do people wait for their elders to start eating first before they start, and rarely do they serve their elders, it has become the other way round… (Though it’s not exactly wrong, but the younger should always serve the elder)

I was quite the practitioner of this, and I still try to practise it whenever possible.. Unless I’m in a rush, and especially in restaurants, I wait for my elders to start first, and I usually try to serve them… youngsters now a days, really don’t follow this any more…

Fourth, When a girl is carrying heavy things, a guy should help her.. As I said, whether you like it or not, whether the guys like it or not, we females are the weaker sex, we don’t form muscles easily. It’s nature that made us this way, so when a guy sees a girl carrying loads of stuff, or if it looks heavy, even if it doesn’t look remotely heavy to you, it could be to the girl. So offer to help her hold it.. even if it's a few books, just ask, it's polite to do so..

Females can practise this as well, it’s also common courtesy, if you see a friend holding ten bricks, naturally you’ll go, “Oh, that has got to be heavy” and though you aren’t strong, you will offer to share the burden with your friend, that’s what friends are…

Then again, sadly, all the guys had to be taught this… Though I will admit, some girls tend to abuse the guys in this manner, I did during my younger times. But, well, look at it this way, at least you don’t have to carry a child for 9 months and give birth to it amidst excruciating pain, and you don’t get periods every month.. It’s a small price to pay indeed… and oh, you don't have to breast feed...

Girls are hypocrites, trust me I know, we want to be seen as equals, yet we want to be treated nice too, as I said, I guess that’s the price guy pays for not giving birth etc.
Sometimes I pity the guys… but they don’t have to experience the monthly cycle nor excruciating pain, and my sympathy holds no water haha

Fifth, Helping a girl up or down, let’s say a slope, if you can jump, it doesn’t mean we can, and well regardless of your sex, isn’t it natural to reach out a hand to help your friend, or family? It’s basically caring..

**

Honestly, I’m getting lazy, the list is far too long, so I'll just basically summarise what I feel manners are actually all about..

Manners, is about humanity; it’s about caring for others; it’s about respect. It doesn’t matter that the other person is a total stranger to you, manners shows humanity, it means respect other humans, care about other humans (... and well plants and animals too...).

Helping that old lady cross the road, picking a pen for a total stranger, holding the door for the person after you, thanking someone that helps you, are all signs of showing your compassion, appreciation and generosity.

Because you care, you realise that others are not as strong or agile as you, so you turn around and offer a helping hand to them, you slow down your pace to match theirs. You care to look after their well being, you respect them for what they are, it doesn’t matter that they are weaker, it doesn’t matter that they can’t lift a boulder like you can, you respect them for the things you can’t do, like they cook better than you, write better than you… it’s the small little things…

If they help you, you show appreciation, by saying a word of thanks, or through actions.. that’s what being a human is all about…

That’s what manners are, but in today’s rat race, do people even care? All they care about is themselves, where has humanity gone? They won’t hold the door for someone; they won’t thank someone that holds the door for them. They are just rushing to get along with their lives, forgetting the value of it, all in the pursuit and the name of money, glory and fame.

Now a days not many children are being taught manners by their busy working parents, instead they are left to the maids who don't bother to teach them a thing. What does that give us? A bunch of spoilt kids, who are all self-centred, who can only think of themselves, and couldn't be bothered in life to lift even a finger to help humanity.. (It doesn't help that those parents of theirs, feel guilty for the lack of time they spent with the child, and give them money or toys to drink like water...)

It's not an excuse that you live in the city, it's mentality. People in Europe can be polite, people in London can be polite, and London is a city too.. When people in London, see a little girl like me struggling with her luggage, there are some who stop to offer help, I don't see that happening in Malaysia, maybe it's because of our crime rate, but basically the bottom line is that people need to be educated! (With that we can also actually reduce our crime rate indirectly...)

You know, it’s a miraculous phenomenon that we still have some polite, caring and human people out there.. But people who tell me that they treat everyone else equal, and just walks on leaving me far behind, either didn’t have the opportunity to learn manners like I did, or are just plain selfish..

-Oracl3-

"Manners is putting yourself in other's shoes, and seeing how you would like to be treated"

P/S: Well if you have been one of those few who have been always full of manners, but who have changed lately, especially when you are no longer bothering about those around you, but still bother with strangers....

Well that just shows that you are either, trying to teach others to be independent, or that you are already tired of caring too much, with no appreciation in return. It's time to seriously re-evaluate the people around you, before you become totally burnt out emotionally..